Hey Ryn - any chance on a compromise? Like the PP said, my family would be so hurt if they couldn't see our babies soon after they were born! But I also understand your feelings about having people see you during a time when you are feeling "less than your best". Personally, I'd say have them come to the hospital, because you don't have to worry if your house is clean, or feel like you should have food and drinks to offer, or anything like that. You are in hospital, supposed to be looking like a patient (and so if you do your hair at all, you'll be looking better than most! ) and the nurses (and DH - where is he in this picture? Enlist his help and support!) will be able to politely, but firmly, ask visitors to keep their visits short, without making you look bad. (You can ask them before to ask visitors to leave after 20min, or whatever you feel comfortable with.)
I'm so sorry that you have this stress with your mum, but I'll bet it will be OK in the end. From the little I've read from your posts about her, she sounds very opinionated and intimidating, but it sounds like she does love you, so I'd say take the help she offers if you want to, and smile and nod at the advice and do what YOU think is best for your baby. She's not going to be there all the time, and if for one day, she holds your baby while he/she is sleeping, or puts a disposable diaper on, it won't really hurt, and it will make her happy. Some day, you might be in her shoes. (The bottle is another issue - I'd be putting my foot down there)
Sorry if that's not exactly what you were hoping to hear, but I hope it helps anyways. Blessed Christmas to you and DH, and enjoy your mat-leave!