Am I being selfish wanting another? Is it ok to change your mind?

[Trillian]

I think its perfectly normal to go through periods where your opinions about it change I don't think you're selfish for wanting another either. I am honestly in awe of people who can say how many kids they want before they have them and then only ever have that many kids - for me it was such a different experience. If it were me, I'd just drop the subject for a while, let your girls get bigger, get your study out of the way and then see if you still feel the same way and try and bring it up with him again. If he keeps getting cranky, ask him why? Why does he react like that? Does he think that there is a genuine reason (such as finances/space in house etc) that rules out having another one, or is it more that he feels like you've 'moved the goal posts' so to speak? After our 3rd baby, DH and I coudln't agree for months and months about having another one and it was really tough. But I think you should not rule it out completely, but maybe just put it to the back of your mind for a while?

[BrightSparkles]

I think its perfectly normal to go through periods where your opinions about it change I don't think you're selfish for wanting another either. I am honestly in awe of people who can say how many kids they want before they have them and then only ever have that many kids - for me it was such a different experience. If it were me, I'd just drop the subject for a while, let your girls get bigger, get your study out of the way and then see if you still feel the same way and try and bring it up with him again. If he keeps getting cranky, ask him why? Why does he react like that? Does he think that there is a genuine reason (such as finances/space in house etc) that rules out having another one, or is it more that he feels like you've 'moved the goal posts' so to speak? After our 3rd baby, DH and I coudln't agree for months and months about having another one and it was really tough. But I think you should not rule it out completely, but maybe just put it to the back of your mind for a while?

I guess my reason for wanting to bring it up now is he is giving away all our baby stuff or selling it off... means should we have another one I would have to get it all again.. (hmm maybe shopping for new baby stuff wouldn't be so bad.....) i'd rather try hold onto it for a bit longer......
But you're right I should just drop it.... and forget about it for a while..

[Trillian]

Hmmm, if he's giving things away then that changes things. Do you think he'd at least stop doing that if you asked him instead of talking about an actual baby? Tell him you need to have time to feel ready to let it go. I said to not think/talk about it for a while because it seems to be causing you so much heartache right now, but that doesn't mean you stop thinking about it forever

[LuluHB]

Give him a bit of time. We never agreed on a definite number before we had kids, but after DD2 was born I was adamant there was no way in hell I would even consider having another. It really took my DH by surprise when I first brought up my desire for a third and his immediate reaction was no way. I let it lie for a bit and then raised it again and told him to not answer, but go away and think about it. Gave him my list of pros and cons for a third. Asking why he is against it is a good idea too. He may have legitimate reasons that for him make it a no go. You can maybe work with those reasons.

If you're not thinking about another one for a couple of years then I think try to get him to put a hold on getting rid of at least the big ticket baby items like cots, prams etc.

[aussienic]

We also,had no number in mind when we talked having kids

After number 1 I didn't want to do it again. It took dh 18 months to convince me. Me decided to stop at 3 but I had that urge and it took me a yr to convince dh 4 is a nice number. Very much done now.

Maybe talk and give reasons as to why you want another (and yes just wanting another is a valid reason). And listen to your dh as well. He may think 3 is a little to much to take on.

[chody47]

I think it's ok to change your mind. I used to always want 4. DH never said anything about that, but now that we've talked about it, I now know that he only wants 2. I'm hoping to compromise with 3...... I thought there was no way he would consider 3, but the other day he said something that makes me think there might be hope.....I guess we just gotta get number 2 first though lol

[JBM]

sunshine:
just noticed this thread.

DH is on his second marriage with me and has 2 kids from first marriage.... we never really agreed to a number before marriage but after having 3 boys all under 4 years of age he said enough is enough ... i fell preg VERY easy see
anyway he had a vasectomy 3 months after baby 3 was born, i agreed as i was so so tired and thought i could never do this again ....... wellll,......... about 3 years after Ds 3 was born i started wanting another baby .....
it then took another year before i talked to DH about it and he said NO...

anyway after he could see that i really wanted this he agreed to IVF / ICSI as he refused to have a reversal done on tha vas...

so DS 3 was about 5 years old at this point and we did a full round of IVf ..... got 6 big ... BFN and then he said no more.... he could see how emotionally tolling the whole thing was on me ... plus he really didnt want any more .....

long story...

anyway finally he came to me and said i think we are supposed to have one more... so we agreed to do IVF one more round..
this was april last year.

I got a BFP on first transfer, fresh cycle.... had baby number 4 just before christmas last year... other boys are now 9, 11 and 13 years old ..... he is the most amazing baby, the boys love him... DH loves him too



and now DH is saying maybe one more so DS 4 has got a friend


lol

who knows what life has planned for us in our future ..

good luck to you