I'd strongly recommend some birth de-briefing with someone experienced in this - I can highly recommend Rhea Dempsey who sees clients in East Melbourne at the Fertile Ground building (you can google for the site). She will help you work through it and come out strong for this birth, she has been working in this industry for nearly 30 years and is a great counsellor/de-briefer when it comes to birth. I dont think there is anything anyone can say to help you - you're really going to need help with a professional to sort through those feelings and experiences. I too have been in the position of comforting mothers while the baby was flat or not responsive for some time, code blues and a client who lost her uterus. Its hard no matter how much you see it, and I always debrief afterwards... it's a must...