I know how you feel. I was terrified of having a csection, absolutely petrified. We had done calm birth classes and were all ready for a natural birth but it was not meant to be for us. I had an amazing OB who was well aware of my fears and did a fabulous job of putting my mind at ease and helping me to understand that this is what we needed to do for a healthy bub.
The csection was nowhere near as bad as I expected it to be, I used the breathing and visualisation techniques that we learnt at the calm birth classes to help me through the prep before surgery and it didn't take long before DS was born and then I was too caught up in him to even think about what was going on.
My recovery could have been better but I believe that had a lot to do with the hospital that I was at, they were very anti pain medication and I was not strong and assertive enough to stand up for myself. I think if I had kept up my meds like Tanstar I would have had a much more positive experience.
I didn't have other kids to look after and would have probably been ok to be home by myself with DS from the 3rd week after surgery but with this pg I will be asking DH to take 6 or 7 weeks off as I think it will be more challenging with an active toddler to look after as well.
for a lovely natural birth but if it's not meant to be then try not to be too scared of the csection, it really was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. GL