Have searched the forums and can't find much info on my situation - most of the threads I found are about it being safe to DTD in pregnancy except when advised not too which is info I know...
My problem (or concern rather) is that I think DP is not attracted to me anymore... I have been thinking this for the past week and feel I can't turn to anyone for advice and it is taking a massive amount of courage for me to post this
Many people have commented and I have always felt the pregnant form is a wonder and quite beautiful... I am currently 24 weeks pregnant and have what I feel is a gorgeous bump... but DP and I haven't DTD in quite some time (feels like it is 6 or so weeks ago... maybe it is more but I vageuly remember something around DPs birthday which is when I was 18 weeks)
I have tried many things that used to work, different times of day, suggestive text messages and I get NO interest - seriously NONE. I can't help but feel rejected.
I asked him a couple of times (not each day) if there was a problem and he reassures me that there isn't, he was just tired and gave me a big hug and held me to sleep... but I see through that - seriously tired for weeks on end... no random little jokes (ie trying to feel me up when I am washing up - weird I know but it is our thing! or him trying to sneak into the shower with me, making sure I have my seatbelt on correctly - so he can feel a boob) - as annoying as those jokes got at times I miss them!
I know he loves me dearly but I am an emotional pg woman who wants a bit of action... I can't help but feel he is either turned off by my changing body or worried about DTD now bubs is moving... we have talked about both things just in our general conversations and he says he has no problem with either and thinks it would be funny if bubs kicked a lot during DTD...
So... I suppose I should stop rambling... I am just over feeling rejected by my love and trying all I can think of including not pushing the item so he doesn't feel pressured but as I said, I want some action and ok emotions building up - have to go - can't cry at work
You're not alone in this. Many women have the same issues where their partner just doesn't seem interested anymore and it's nothing sinister or anything you've done, for some men they probably can even explain why they feel the way they do or even realise it, but for some it can be as simple as not wanting to hurt the baby or it's because of the dynamic change in the relationship so it's not just the two of you being passionate lovers, it's Mum and Dad sex now kwim?
Last edited by Trillian; June 3rd, 2009 at 10:41 AM.
awwwww tk! perhaps he just feels uneasy not that you are further along, i mean my DF feels weird sometimes coz there is a baby just there! and it wiggles during the act sometimes! i guess all you can do is talkto him, i myself dont miss it as its really burny and painful everytime but i wish you all the luck in the world!
I think I had a lot of pent up feelings about this topic - have started a waterflow that just will not stop - thankfully no one at work minds... they have checked on me several times but I think I just need to get this out.
Trillian, thank you for your post, you were able to articulate lots of the things I am thinking but can't put into words! I will look for those articles now. I had mainly searched the forums rather than the BB main site
TG, thanks hun, I needed those hugs
MHB, I think that is part of DPs issues as well but I wish he could talk to me about it rather than saying it isn't a problem because then my over-active imagination goes into overdrive
Ok, off for another cry session - gotta love pg emotions and rationability
Awwww.. Big tk. FWIW, I am in the same situation as you. For us, dtd stopped at the positive BHP There was a half-hearted attempt at around 12weeks after I had a major cry session one day and asked him what was up. I have tried to find the answer in many ways, but there is not much response from my DH. I have let him know how I feel, but it's like talking to a brick wall. Like you, I also feel very rejected - the last thing an emotional preggy woman needs!
I think men and women view pregnancy very differently. To us, it is a beautiful, exciting and surreal time. We feel gorgeous and want to be appreciated as this special time in our lives. They just see us as a nursery now I think If my DH does touch me (belly), it's all about the baby now. It's like I don't exist.
Hang in there, hun. I hope it changes for both os us soon. :hug
I thought I would link the articles into this thread in case someone else is going through this and is like me and forgets to look at the BB main site thanks again for reminding me about the great resources on there Trillian!
Thank you for your post - yes that is how I feel - I no longer exist I am the temporary nursery until the bubs is earthside - everything is baby related! Which is fine, I am happy to share those moments with him as well but I also want to share those other intimate moments
That's OK, it can be tough when you know you have a problem but cant' find the help you're looking for. It will help both of you to talk about it and try to work through some of the feelings that you are both having and try to come to a resolution that suits you. There are plenty of other ways to be inventive about it without going all the way that may suit both of you if he is having trouble overcoming this
You're not alone TK!! Big hugs coming from me in WA!!!
DH and I have only mastered DTD a few times since my BFP! To be hoenst, we were quite hopeless at it and we both felt a little weird so we are resorting to other forms of intimacy now. We just talk and cuddle lots (we always have but it's so much more important to both of us now) and if there is a bit of built up frustration and DH isn't around, I'm not affraid to take care of myself! My BOF ("battery operated friend" ) is wonderful for releasing a bit of 'tension'. LOL! Can't believe I just said that
I've asked my DH about it a couple of times and he's said he just feels a bit weird, like there is another person involved and I guess he is right, there is! I kind of feel the same way so it doesn't really bother me too much. He has also told me how much he loves my pregnant body and how beautiful I look but it's more of a 'oh you look so cute honey' and not 'you're one hot, sexy mumma!'. That's ok though, I can imagine it would be a bit weird for him.
I totally understand you being worried about pushing the point though but do talk to him about it and let him know it's upsetting you but it is also ok for him to feel funny about it. A lot of dads-to-be feel like they could hurt the baby or their partner by DTD during pregnancy and many of them just see their partner in a very different light - as a beautiful mum-to-be. I think it would be more of a case of your DP not knowing how to deal with it as opposed to being turned off.
Hang in there honey. So many of us understand. Remember it's very unlikely he's no longer into you, it's just a very different stage of your lives and relationship and as men don't like to 'talk' like us girls do, they tend to just sweep it under the carpet. I'm sure he idolises you more now than ever
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sorry TK, I'm no expert in this area so can't offer you any help, but wanted to give you a 
There was a half-hearted attempt at around 12weeks after I had a major cry session one day and asked him what was up. I have tried to find the answer in many ways, but there is not much response from my DH. I have let him know how I feel, but it's like talking to a brick wall. Like you, I also feel very rejected - the last thing an emotional preggy woman needs! 
thanks again for reminding me about the great resources on there Trillian!
) is wonderful for releasing a bit of 'tension'. LOL! Can't believe I just said that 
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