Do you think it's better to find out the sex at your scan - to grow used to the idea of the sex you are having (obviously if it's not the sex you want), or to wait until birth and hope that the joy of having a baby outweighs the disappointment of the sex?
With DS I didn't find out and was happy to wait.
With this pregnancy, because I have PND (with history of severe depression and anxiety) and it was a very unexpected BFP, my support team suggested finding out the sex of bub - because I didn't know if I could handle having another DS, no connection with the pregnancy, relapse in PND and anxiety etc. However, having found out, it still doesn't make it anymore real to me, but it isn't related to the gender itms
I guess it really comes down to how disappointed would you be if you got a certain outcome?
I never wanted to no sex pre birth, I did have slight disappointment at having a 2nd boy but pretty much went as soon as I saw him. I think if I had known before hand i would have been a lot more upset at coming to terms with 2 boys compared to a surprise and falling in love as soon as I saw him.
I havent had any gender disappointment with any pregnancy. I am, we are happy with what ever gender baby we are graced with. But my stress does come about with other peoples wants. DH's family wants us to have a boy, they have wanted a boy every time. First time round was because thats whats happens in that family. Second time round was because we already have a girl and one of each would be good. Then this time round they want a boy because that would be nice to cover both genders.
This time round everyone is saying they think its a boy because thats the obvious reason for us having another baby. That way we would be finished having babies and settle on the family we have. So my rebellious side is saying please be a girl, cause that would give it to them. But I honestly dont mind this time round.
I didn't find out either time, I wanted to bond with the baby - I gave it a non-gender-specific nickname and thought I dealt with it. However we always said we'd just have 2 - but now I want to try for another. I do wish I had a girl.
I was desperate for a girl with my last pregnancy but didn't find out and convinced myself it was two boys. I knew that in the moment of birth I wouldn't be disappointed either way and if I was wrong about the genders (which I was, I got one of each) then it would only make that moment of birth better.
I would and will find out. I don't know why, but I'm terrified of having a boy. I want 3 children, but I'm so scared the next one is going to be a boy, hence making my final pregnancy stressful waiting to know the sex. I don't know how I'd deal with only having one girl So I'd find out, so I'd have time to adjust.
I've always been 100% don't find out. I know some people have their reasons (for example, I completely understand why Skybie wants to find out), but it just doesn't make sense to me.
With Ianto, had we found out, I would've been a disappointed. I always wanted a girl first. When he was born and I was told he was a boy, my mind just went "well of course he is!" even though I'd spent my pregnancy calling him "her".
With Amelia, I was more concerned about whether I was right about her being a girl than I was about her actually being one
I would find out for sure. I feel like knowing my baby's gender in my pregnancy allowed me to bond with him on a total different level than if I had not found out. (I knew in my heart it was going to be a boy). When next time happens for us, I am actually hoping we have a boy as I really want 2 boys, so I'll be finding out ASAP as I would want to be prepared either way and have time to bond with it whilst still inside me and come to terms with it - as I think meeting a newborn and emotional adjustment needed for that would be far too difficult if the gender was not as expected or hoped IMO
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Also from someone who's been there....in my opinion I think it helps to find out.
My first pregnancy we left it a surprise. We had a boy...but wasn't to fazed as I was feeling more blessed to finally have our long awaited baby and figured my next baby was sure to be a girl (because I had always 'planned' on having one of each....I only had 1 boys name and 1 girls name picked out....which I'd loved for many years).
Then when I found out i was pregnant again- initially I said I didn't want to know again, but 1 week before the scan day I started to reconsider and then the day of the scan I decided I really needed to know to prepare myself (and think of another boys name if required). We found out we were having another boy. Yes I cried a fair bit after finding out but it became less throughout the pregnancy. Then on the birth day I knew I was ready to just focus on loving my new son (instead of being sad that i didn't get a daughter).
Also I think if I had of left it be a surprise i would likely have let myself look at girls things and possibly even had bought stuff (actually I know I would have) and then to have to go through it all I'm sure it would've stirred all those emotions again.
So if you feel you'll need time to adjust to the outcome I do recommend finding out...and if your not ready just yet- maybe get them to write it down so you's can leave it a few more weeks to decide if you's need to know and then also you's can open it in private (that's what i had planned to do if we went for baby#3 which at this stage is unlikely)
I didn't want to find out with DD. I desperately wanted a girl, but I knew if I found out it was a boy I would harbour feelings of disappointment. And I didn't want that for even a second. She was my first and I had no idea about the reality of gender disappointment.
With DS I was following the same path, didn't want to know to stave off the feeling of disappointment (wanted another girl), but I found out by accident. I will always wish I hadn't. More though because of the surprise at the birth was lost. I was so stunned to find that (for me). I had known a long time but the feelings for me didn't start until much later after birth, so knowing or not didn't make any difference.
I don't think there is an answer....I'm pondering it again with #3.
Thanks ladies, it's actually hubby, not me. I know how desperately he would love a boy and we are undecided as to whether we will have a third child so I'd love him to get his boy. Females run in his family quite heavily (he is the youngest after 6 girls, with three living sisters and he has 4 aunties, no uncles on either side).
I am concerned if we find out at the scan, he will show litte interest in the rest of the pregnancy whereas if we wait, I know he will fall in love with the baby regardless of sex. I really think we're having another girl (which I'm excited about, DD will love a sister!)
I had the same issues here, hubby really wants a boy. Won't even consider it being a girl, so I have not found out.
I didn't want him disengaging from the pregancy and the baby before it was even out. My husband calls the baby He all the time lol but we still could have a girl.
I really don't care so long as the baby is healthy which is what I want, so I do understand how you feel.
My DH doesn't want to find out with #2 but I need too. I was pretty upset when I was told DS was a boy as I really want a little girl. Because we are only having 2 I think I will need the time to come to terms with it if it's a boy. I know I will love it no matter what but I guess u get this perfect pic in your head and when it doesn't happen it takes time to adjust.
We found out both times. You could see the dissapointment on DH face when the lady said girl, I did not press the issue with him, I gave him time to sort it out in his head, within a couple of weeks he had accepted it and was happy to know he would have 2 princesses to teach to ride motorbikes FIL on the otherhand, acted as if I was not even pregnant after we told him it was a girl. Once she was born though he came around. We have decided on having another baby one day and we have both decided to leave it as a surprise. I am unfased as to what we have, DH definately wants a boy so by waiting he says he will not care once he sees the baby.
DH cousin however, has a DS and found out she is pregnant with another boy. She does not even talk about her pregnancy, When a friend asked 'your having a boy right' she said 'yeah don't remind me'. They are already talking about going to Thailand next to do gender selection IVF. I am sad for this baby boy due in Nov, I really hope once he is born her emotions change. She went through so much in the beginning of the pregnancy with her NT results and having an amnio, I would think just that he is a healthy baby would be all that mattered, but that is just how I think.
Gender disappointment - WDYT?
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But I honestly dont mind this time round.
So I'd find out, so I'd have time to adjust.
you get the result you's are after though.
FIL on the otherhand, acted as if I was not even pregnant after we told him it was a girl. Once she was born though he came around. We have decided on having another baby one day and we have both decided to leave it as a surprise. I am unfased as to what we have, DH definately wants a boy so by waiting he says he will not care once he sees the baby.
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