he rung me at work...wanting to know if i'd made a decision yet...i told him i don't know and all i get is "how can you not know?!"...that i'm ruining him...he even said things are going so well and we are getting closer every week and this would ruin everything! He doesn't want a child now, he just wants to be happy with me! He's too young and doesn't want to deal with this...well neither do I!! I asked him if he'd even considered how I feel about it...that he isn't the one that has to live with it...he never gave the first abortion a second thought, but I have thought about it every day! He asked me if I wanted him to hate me for doing this to him!?! Then he pulled the whole we don't have a house, you don't know what your getting yourself into, we don't want the responsibility yet!?!? "We were on the pill so we wouldn't have to deal with this". All he seems to want to do is attack me, instead of discussing it with me...he's so angry, he can't even see me!
I'm sorry, but maybe you should tell him to go get a vasectomy. This is really unfair on you. The pill is not 100% Never has been. Maybe he should've been doing other things to guarantee this didn't happen! The only thing that is 100% is no sex. Simple as that. He should know that.
I agree with bj - there is almost no 100% way of ensuring you don't get pregnant other than abstaining.
From what I am reading in your posts he seems to be thinking about himself and guilting you by saying 'it was all going well, this will affect it' (sorry not the exact words, I'm just really bad at quoting properly) You need to think about yourself and your partnership and it doesn't sound like he is thinking about the both of you. I also think it would be a good think to stay somewhere where you will be supported. There are lots of options and help for single mums. There are lots here who would be able to give you great advise. And staying with a partner who isn't supportive of your pregnancy and baby will be even harder work than it would be if you were single.
I'm sorry things didn't go better. lots of :hugs: in the mean time
I am not thrying to sway your decision but before you told him you seemed pretty adamant that you couldn't have another abortion and now that he has had this reaction it seems you are considering an abortion. I think you should be very careful that the decision you make is what you want to do. Your DP's reaction is very unfair on you! This is a HUGE decision to make and not one you should be harrassed into making. I would suggest you should get some distance from him if you could stay at a good friends house or something if you could talk it through.
I would suggest calling centrelink and having a talk. I am almost positive once you are a certain way through your pregnancy you can get the dole (sorry can't think of the proper name of the payment) but get exemption from looking for work etc then you would be about the get a payment once your baby arrived and also the baby bonus. Also if you ask centrelink I am sure they could put you in contact with other services that would be able to help. Could u live with your mum for a bit if you needes to?
Maybe your dp will come around but if you want to keep this baby and you have an abortion to keep him happy maybe you will end up resenting him. I believe a partner doesn't need to agree with all of your decisions but they do need to support them. Anyway to me when you have sex with someone you are agreeing to the possibility of a baby, doesn't matter if contraception is involved!
Have a looking in the single parenting section, there are so many successful, supportive mums in there that would be able to give you some wonderful advice and support, that would come in handy if you decide to keep your baby and that means doing it on your own
You can go on centrelink payments (newstart allowance) from 6 weeks befor you are due with a doctors certificate.
Then you would be entitled to parenting payment (single or partnered depending on what happens) & family tax benifit after baby is born, as well as baby bonus. Also possibly rent assistance if you are paying rent.
Go have a look at the rate estimator on the centrelink website.
I can only go on what I was getting with the amount of rent I paid 6 years ago, I was getting around $800 a fn on single parenting payment with one baby, paying $175 a week rent. I don't know how much thats changed since, but I know parenting payment has gone up a fair bit since then. Everyone's circumstances are different though.
Last edited by ~clover~; November 26th, 2009 at 01:51 PM.
You have do do what will make YOU happy hun, not him... I really wish you the best, whatever you decide you arent alone and will get heaps of support here
It sounds like you are in a very hard situation! i agree with what others have been saying, he says 'do you want him to hate you for do this to him' well does her want you to hate him for makeing you do something you dont want to do.
It sounds to me like he is scared, scared that he has been a crap dad to his two other kids (not his fault but by not being alowed to be there) that how can he possibly be a good dad to this kid!
I think that in time he will come around to it, im sure it will be hard though, and im sure it will set your relationship back, maybe reasure him that you will never do what his ex did to him (take the child away and stop him seeing it) im sure that knowing he has two chidren out there somewhere gives him pain every day and the thought of there being a third in the same situation would be heartbreaking for him.
I really hope you manage to make things work for you, and what ever you decide to do, do it for yourself, not becasue your scared or to please others.
Big hugs to you and amoungst all this heart ache....congratulations!
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