I had all those questions the first time around...labour seems like a very scary thing before you've gone through it with all the horror stories you hear.
The two labours I have been through, i chose a pain-relief free labour both times. I wouldn't even accept gas. The first was an induced labour at 37 weeks and went for 2 days, but 8 hours of what I'd call real labour with bad pains.
The second was a spontaneous labour at 42 weeks (but they did need to rupture my membranes) and went for 10 hours.
Both my labours were OP labours which are meant to be more painful than a normal labour. It means the baby was facing the opposite way with it's spine on mine, so the back pain was continuous and waaaay worse than the contractions (I remember screaming HELP MY BACK lol).
At the time, I was married to an awful man who would have considered me a failure if I had pain relief, therefore I transferred those feelings upon myself. I had very little support in labour also...X slept through all but the last hour of the second on my birth beanbag (the midwife kicked him awake lol). Because of this and the immense pain, I am sure that helped me to develop PND afterwards...not the pain itself, but going through it with so many high expectations put on me by my husband and then enduring so much pain with no support. So looking back now that I have a brain and some spirit back in me, I would have chosen to have pain relief and also probably would have kicked X in the head
This time around, I am aiming for a pain-relief free labour......but only because I want to do that for the best for my baby and I really want to breastfeed. My current partner has no expectations for me and is also extremely supportive. But I will allow myself if things get too bad to have gas and will consider if it goes on for days other pain relief.
The contractions themselves were bearable I found, even in transition...but the back pain I had was what made it agony. I suffer from endometriosis and get severe period pain so I think that helped me not find the contractions themselves too bad. I would liken the period pain I get now to around 5cm dilated contraction pain. So I had a warm up if you like. So for me, most definately bearable.
No one can really tell you how painful it is because how painful it is is a very individual thing. If one woman finds it more painful than another, it just means their pain receptors are different, I believe it has nothing to do with pain tolerance or strength or any of that. We all feel pain differently.
One plus to not having pain relief is that the endorphins kick in. These are a natural hormone that takes over when your body is experiencing a lot of pain. I can only describe this as I felt like i was on the roof looking at myself in labour. They kind of separate you from the pain. So the body does do it's bit too
It's a very personal choice and thing deciding about pain relief. The only advice I can give is to only make the choices based on what you want, research lots, but don't let anyone else tell you what you should or shouldn't do when it comes to your body in labour (obviously unless it will harm your baby). Don't put any guilt or pressure on yourself if you get there and end up needing pain relief. Some women find labour a breeze, others intolerable. But that doesn't change anything about who you are.
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