How to keep mum from my scan??

[bubbaloo]

Just chasing some advice....

I am booked in for my 20 week ultrasound on Thursday and am really excited about hopefully finding out the sex of the baby . However, as DH and I are hoping to keep this little detail to ourselves we are telling everyone that we aren't going to find out, so that they won't ask us!!! And if we slip up and say "he" or "she", if they think we don't know ourselves, they won't think anything of it.

The catch is that my parents are in town visiting at the moment and Mum keeps asking about the scan "when is it?", "where is it?", "will DH be able to go with you?" (i.e., hinting about coming along). Obviously, she can't come or she'll find out the baby's gender too! I also won't be able to show them the video recording as it will include audio of our conversations during the scan.

Any suggestions PLEASE on how to keep my Mum out of my ultrasound without hurting her feelings?? I thought of telling her that it's the policy of the clinic not to allow in anyone other than the partner. Any thoughts????

Thanks heaps.

[Netty]

I reckon run with the excuse only one person can come in for the scan Nellebelle. Having had a few of them myself, there is only ever one chair in there so just say yep its on this date mum and DH is coming. Dont tell them you are getting a video as you normally get given a couple of still pics too and I am sure they will be happy looking at those. She may not ask and if she does just say sorry mumsie, only one person can come in as the room is tiny etc..
Goodluck!

[bubbaloo]

Thanks for your responses ladies!

Caro - Good points! However, we've recently moved a couple of states away from our families so we don't expect too many family visits pre-baby (other than this one!). Also, being new to town we don't have too many pop-in type friends as yet. Most of the larger baby items we'll buy in neutrals (in case we later have another baby of the other gender), so it'll just be clothes and blankets, etc, that we should be able to store out-of-site if need be. I also hate yellows too - well I hate green more, but anyway! Most of the stuff we've received as gifts so far is white, so that should be okay!

Netty - I think you're right and I'll go with that excuse. However, I've already told them about how we'll be having the 3D type scan, and they already know we'll get a video as we did last time! So it's sort of a good thing our VCR isn't working at the moment!

I feel a bit mean excluding mum from what would no doubt be a huge experience for her. However, I also want to keep the scan as a special "just DH and me" moment (and bubs of course!). Also, heaven forbid, if a problem was revealed at the scan, I'd prefer time for DH and I to get our heads around it before having my entire family know (which they would if Mum were there).

I just know I'm also going to have a similar problem at the birth. I'll definitely want it to be just DH and I, but Mum and Dad are planning to arrive in town a couple weeks before my due date so that they'll be here, and I know that she'll be hoping for an invite!

[bubbaloo]

Oooh Netty, I just realised that your due date is getting pretty close!!! I hope all is going really well with you both, and best wishes for the birth! (just in case we don't cross paths in here again before your little one arrives)!

[~Jane~]

well this might not worry some people, but I wouldn't have anyone else there anyway in case it turned out that it was an internal ultrasound, to me I don't want an audience for that sort of thing.

My sister had her MIL to her scan with her DD and it turned out she had problems with placenta previa and she said it was awful having her MIL in there getting worried as well, so I would stick with the "it's a medical procedure" line just in case.

All the best.

[AnyDream]

Tell you mum they are going to have to do a Transvaginal scan and you wouldn't feel comfortable having her there (!) Well it's a pretty spectacular fib or you could just be honest and say, "Mum, we don't want anyone else knowing the gender, it's our special surprise" and if she is offended bad luck. She'll forget it soon enough once she's holding grandbaby in her arms!

[Karina]

I'd just say you would like your partner there with you to share this special moment.. and they only let you have one person in with you.

[visitor2]

If you are worried about your mum finding out just ask the person before you go in to write the sex down and not to give it to you in front of your mum and then you can read it later with your DH.

I knew with all my pregnancies what we was having but only ever kept my first one a secret and never brought anything pink until after she was born so no one could work out what we was having.

[Patooties]

Perhaps if you want to share the dvd with her, you could just turn the sound down while you are watching it, that way she won't hear any conversations you may have.

[Kazbah]

Our video was silent - it was a screen capture, which didn't have the conversation. Maybe phone up the centre and find out for sure if sound is captured?

And medical procedure is a good reason. (after all, you'll be finding out if there are any abnormalities too ....)

I'd be tempted to give her a couple of the photos (maybe a 3-d one) so she feels part of it ...

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I feel a bit mean excluding mum from what would no doubt be a huge experience for her. However, I also want to keep the scan as a special "just DH and me" moment (and bubs of course!). Also, heaven forbid, if a problem was revealed at the scan, I'd prefer time for DH and I to get our heads around it before having my entire family know (which they would if Mum were there).

I just know I'm also going to have a similar problem at the birth. I'll definitely want it to be just DH and I, but Mum and Dad are planning to arrive in town a couple weeks before my due date so that they'll be here, and I know that she'll be hoping for an invite!

Sweetie, you feel mean because your mother wants to muscle in on something that is YOUR special moment? Just tell her it's you and DH only, same as for the birth. I really don't understand where these mothers get off in guilting us into spoiling our most precious times because of their selfishness.

[DoulaRelle]

I must admit, that especially with the first, the ultrasouns were very special moments for my DH and I. I think you also make a very valid point, if ( And I am sure it won't ) there is some problem identified during the ultrasound, you need to be able to deal with that however you need to and not with your mum

[reneenay]

My friend asked me yesterday if she could come along to our next ultrasound. I told her that its a very intimate moment for DH and I. And I told her to nick off anyway because I dont want her seeing my insides hehe Just wanted to crack a joke so It wasnt too serious!

[bubbaloo]

Thanks heaps for all your advice and support everyone. The scan's booked for this Thursday (!!!!) and I'm now thinking of telling mum and dad that if they want they can pop in at the end of the scan, once we've checked everythings okay, and hopefully discovered the gender and had our only little family moments. Then they can have a quick look at bub on the screen before we finish up. A win-win hopefully.

However, someone has just told me that with 3D scans, the baby's gender can sometimes be blatantly obvious, and if this is true, to keep this secret, perhaps I shouldn't invite them in after all!!!

So, can anyone tell me how obvious gender is likely to be on a 3D scan????

Thanks again!

[wardygirl]

I think it's a great idea to get them to come in at the end of the scan for a quick look if the sonographer is happy for them to do this. You can tell the sonographer that you don't want M&D to find out the gender so if it's at all possible to avoid 'that end' of bubs.

Good luck for tomorrow.

[~Debbie~]

Tell your mum that its one person only to come along to scan, like the others said, and with the dvd - when she wants to watch it - swap it for a blank disc - and tell her that its not working in your machine. Fairly believable as some copied/burnt dvds dont always work. Also, me, and 2 others in my bellybuddy group - our dvds where blank - ie, they forget to save it properly, or their machine was playing up

[Flossie]

Hi there,

I just had my 20 week scan and both mum came along. They aren't allowed to come in until after all the checking and measurements are done though. So you will be able to find out the sex before she comes in. Or if you don't want them to hear it on the vid - get the u/s person to write it down on a piece of paper and show it to you that way?

[*noni*e*]

does the 4d ultrasound actually tape what the ppl in the room are saying? i thought it was just the sound of the heartbeat and baby moving???