The pain we feel as a result of baby loss (at any stage) is individual. It can't be compared. I do remember though, after I m/c my first pg "better now than later". I was still crushed, but told myself next time would be different. I made the decision to let go of any anxiety and just love this baby for as long as he was with me. And it was a blissful pg. I brought home my darling son.
BUT- and I hope this doesn't offend anyone- I was by far left more scarred and traumatised by DS's birth than my m/c. The things I endured and the fear I felt was so much more powerful than having a m/c at home. Waking up on full life support was terrifying. When I heard how close I came to death it shook me to my core. I'm still working through the aftermath. And I got to take my baby home.
I can't imagine the pain of leaving the hospital empty handed. I left that place with my son, but the experience and the fear still haunts me. I'm thankful to be alive at all, and sometimes feel guilty for feeling this way when others went home empty handed. I NEED to birth again to heal my heart.
I hope my thoughts haven't offended anyone. Just my personal experience with grief, loss and trauma.
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