**not sure if this is in the right section - mods feel free to move**
For those girls who have already had children, I was wondering how much instincts were involved in those early days with baby, and just generally as a mother.
My personal belief is that instincts are a great guide but nothing replaces social learning. We are social animals - many animal species learn to parent from their own family groups. And yet western society gets in the way of us learning these lessons, many times.

I had never held a baby before I had my first daughter just after I turned twenty. I had no exposure to babies, like many women of my generation who only had one or two siblings, and because I was quite young, none of my friends had babies. Breastfeeding had to be learned, different ways of dressing the baby had to be learned, understanding how things *work* needed to be learned. And I had to unlearn a lot of the attitudes my mother had taught me.

Here are some things that didn't come instinctively - the technique for getting a singlet over a baby's head without nearly pulling her ears off; drying properly in the creases of her neck and armpits which led to a terrible case of thrush and me being shouted at by the maternal child health worker; breastfeeding; understanding diet and how a baby's feeding habits develop over the first year of life.

Here are where instincts came in VERY handy - understanding when my baby was very ill and needed me to advocate beyond the doctor's dismissive "it's just a virus"; knowing when to get help for PND; listening to the voice that said "check on your baby" and finding her not breathing in her crib when she was about ten weeks old.

During labour, I was very much hampered by my lack of learning and exposure to childbirth, the sociology and physiology of it. Once I was much better informed and experienced, I "did" childbirth a lot better

As the years have gone by, I've learned a lot and trust my heart on many issues where others might be questioning my judgement. And I've learned that being confident is the greatest thing you can bring to being a parent! That and being prepared to reach out to others for their support and advice.