I need some suggestions on how to help DH get a handle on his anxiety issues.
DH has suffered with an anxiety disorder pretty much all his life. His mind will grab a hold of silly things & then worry about them. He knows that most of the things he obsesses over are silly & he can tell when its just his anxiety messing with his head.
But he doesn't handle pregnancy well. I can't convince him that he needs to stop obsessing over it. We have done this 3 times now & each time the end result is a healthy Mum & healthy Bub. Last pregnancy was really hard for him, I think it was the worst one for him. simply because it lasted so long. His real anxiety hits in the weeks leading up to the birth, so say from 36 weeks till birth, then Isla was 12 days over due so the poor bugger was living on edge for 6 weeks!
This time round the anxiety has hit early, I think he is a little run down anyway so its made him more vulnerable to the anxiety. Last night he told me he was scared & when I asked about what all he could answer me with was the baby. Nothing in particular just the baby.
We have no concerns with this pregnancy, I have like a 1 in 16,000 chance of downs etc, we have a very healthy boy growing inside. He really has nothing to be worried about.
Anxiety isn't a simple thing to deal with as I am sure many of you know. He isn't on any medications, has been in the past but they only add to his anxiety as he then worries about becoming addicted to them.
He uses meditation as his main coping method, but Im not sure he has been doing this of late.
Are there services available to the father to be for this sort of thing? I mean if it was me, I would talk to my midwife. But who does DH talk too?
Has he ever tried cognitive behavioural therapy? That's used to treat anxiety if he doesn't want to use meds - and it sounds like it's not hugely interfering with his life so therapy rather than meds could be the go.
Basically it teaches you different ways of dealing with your anxiety by challenging each anxious thought you have ie. when you're starting to worry about something, say the birth, it would teach you to counter it with all the evidence why not to worry.
It doesn't work on everyone - I was a bit too far gone when I was depressed, but it might work on your DH and would be useful as an ongoing tool if anxiety is something he butts up against every day.
Have a chat with your CMHN, there are usually services avaiable to Dads and Men.... these are usually run by the council, not sure if they specifialy target pregnancy, but i know there are heaps of services out there.
The other thing is to talk to your GP... he may need a couple of sessions with a psychologist, if he has a 'mental health plan' with the GP these sessions are pretty much free or very low cost. A good way of finding the root of the problem and also providing your DH with some coping stratigies....
FJ I think that a session with a psychologist wouldn't do him any harm. I know he works hard and it may be difficult for him to find the time but I think if he is already anxious about this bub then it may be significantly worse by the time it gets closer to the birth.
Coping with his anxiety must be hard on you some times and maybe suggesting to him that if he goes and talks to someone about it then life may be a little bit easier for everyone, but mainly focussing on how wonderful you want this to be and how you want him to be excited about the bub.
You are so right - anxiety is not easy to deal with precisely because it doesn't follow the rules of logic! It will not matter one bit that this is baby number 4. I agree with the others who have replied, some CBT sounds like a good idea and a GP can refer him to a medicare registered psychologist in your area. I notice you are in the Blue Mountains - there used to be some type of mens centre at Wentworth Falls - it was upstairs and fronted onto the GWH. Not sure if it is stil there but perhaps if you are in the upper mountains it might be worth checking out.
If your DH resists going to see someone there are some great self help books out there with self paced treatment strategies that are written for 'clients' in everyday language. I think encouraging him to meditate again and take time out each day to relax is also a good idea.
Goodluck!
ETA - Its called the Blue Mountains Centre for Men and does counselling and psychotherapy. (Not sure what theoretical stance they take though).
Last edited by ~Kaz~; June 6th, 2008 at 10:10 AM.
: adding details
FJ - I totally agree that seeing a psychologist can help immensely! It made a huge difference to my anxiety levels after DS was born. If he hasn't tried it before, I think it's definitely worth a shot. I wish I'd started during my prg, things probably wouldn't have gotten to the point they did if I got on top of it earlier.
Get a referral from your GP, as Sammiejane said, on the mental health care scheme you can claim a fair bit of the cost back from medicare.
I can recommend a fantastic clinical psychologist in Penrith if you need it (male too if that makes DH feel a bit better). PM me if you're interested, although it might be a bit far for him to travel.
Last edited by Willow; June 6th, 2008 at 10:23 AM.
More then just a "nevous first time dad"
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