opinions!

[Oscar&Grouch]

afternoon ladies
havent posted in a while as i have been quite ill with the flu. so today i am exactly 31 weeks and 1day and must i say as much as i am loving the experience of being pregnant and i am well and truely over it. never in my life have i felt so looked down upon is it so bad that i am 21 and pregnant?
i was at cotton on kids with my DP and this elderly lady rudely pointed at me and said to her family "oh that girl should be shopping for party outfits not jump suits." i just smiled and continued shopping, on returning home i was extremly upset i know its just one persons opinion but how can someone judge me when they dont know me or my DP.
my DP has been so great the past few days but after this ordeal i am having a few doubts about my ability to care for my soon to be son at this age compared to in 3-4years then ontop of that, i have my baby shower next week in which my DP's mum is hosting (i love my partners mother) but she has gone ahead and planned this huge shower with aunties and cousins and family friends i havent even fully met yet, funniest thing is that on the bottom of the invite it states that this is "sue and jace's" grandchild.
when first discussed i was under the impression it would be a few close family and friends, nothing to flash then to my discust his mother calls him last night and gives the
RSVP for his ex girlfriend, i understand they are friends because of this previous relationship and whatnot, but i for one thought this was supposed to be my day!
i dont have the heart to tell my partner how i feel because i dont want his mother to think i am ungrateful, because im not i love what she is doing for us but what do you ladies think? should i suck it up and deal with it or say something?
thanks for listening ladies

[mrsmac]

I think if you don't set some boundaries for MIL now you will regeret it in the future. Do you see your DP's ex?? Do you have a relationship with her? if no, then of course she shouldn't be invited, this is a party for YOU not your MIL. i would be scared off by the invites alone, yes it is your grandchild MIL but its first and foremost your son's and his partner's.
When I have had a baby shower (i have had 2 LOL) the friends who organised it asked ME to give them the guest list and they invited those people, it wasn't about who THEY wanted.
Heaven help you if you guys get married LOL They'll fill the wedding with their friends.

[Lulu]

I reckon both. Be peeved about the ex and the shower eeeewww! Couldn't think of anything worse than having an EX at my shower - that's nuts!
However, it's not THAT bad that someone is throwing you a great big shower cos they are so looking forward to the birth of your baby. Grandies can go overboard - it's ok, so you won't know everyone but you will by the end of it and possibly have a really lovely time and get lots of teeny tiny outfits to play with.

But you should suck it up on the comments from random strangers. People can be rude and stupid - end of story, nothing to do with you personally. How can one nutters silly comment make you doubt yourself so much? Hey have fun with it - if you hear someone saying you look too young tell 'em actually you are 28. Not only will the feel silly but the will want to know your secret to eternal youth.

I still get people telling me I look to young to have a 17 yo. I either tell them "yep, I am", or actually I'm 42 if you don't mind. Gets them everytime!

[mrsmac]

LOL Lulu, I like to tell people I was 9 when DD was born (she's 17) She now tells me i'll either look like a sl#t for having her at 10 or be old!!

[Oscar&Grouch]

thanks for your opinion, answering to your questions
no i dont have a relationship with the ex girlfriend, the only time i have ever spoken to her was a hello at my partners bday a few months back, where i heard her *****ing to a group of her friends about how i have "trapped" my DP for life with a baby.
so i dont understand why she would want to come "celebrate" in my opinion i think she thinks if she stays close to my partners mother she can stay close to her ex boyfriend.
my partner is aware how i feel about his ex girlfriend, but its a "girls" day so he wont be there. only thing im thinking is the day we get married my MIL will be orginizing my DP ex girlfriend to be my bridesmaid.

[Lulu]

Oh hell no! I'd be telling DP to ring his mother and withdraw the invite to the ex. It's VERY poor form.

[Trillian]

I'm amazed (and slightly weirded out) that your DP's ex, who you have absolutely no relationship with has accepted an invite to your baby shower? I would be having words, or better yet, no go because it doesn't sound like it's what you want and afterall, it's your baby. Sue and Jace should have another child of their own if it excites her so much LOL. Plus if you don't say anything now, it will set the tone for every single celebration that is to come down the track and it could well be a possibility that the ex will make the list for the wedding It will be hard, there will probably be tears, but you need to do it.

As for the old biddy, I can't get over that - back in her day you were a Spinster if you hadn't already had a child by 21 Just let it roll off your back hun. Complete strangers say stupid things to you all the time once you're pg and have kids.

[csab]

Ohh hunni, I hope you feel better soon with this flu. As for the strangers passing judgement on you, just ignore them. I was 19 almost 20when I had DS1, so you have 2yrs on me. lol. You will be a wonderful mother, dont let anyone make you feel like you wont be. You have all these nerves racing around you atm, especially bringing this precious bundle into the world and into both yours and your DP's life. Its only natural to have worries. With each of my kids I worried, even the last, and I have 5.
As for the invites, I believe you should have a chat with your DP, and let him know how uncomfortable you are with having his ex GF invited to your babyshower. Let him know you want to be able to enjoy your evening without having to worry about being judged by his ex, and if he could please talk to his mother about uninviting her.
Also, with the invitations, did they say anything about you on them? It is your baby after all. However I would assume the guests will know who you are and will be well aware the baby shower is in your favour. MIL may just be over excited, and maybe didnt realise what she had written, or how it meant to you. IYKWIM.
Try and enjoy yourself hunni, especially these last few months before your bubs arrives.
Take care, and remember you will be a wonderful mummy.

[Oscar&Grouch]

thanks ladies, i think i will have a chat to him when he gets back from work.
i understand the MIL is prob excited after all my DP is her only child, and this will be the first grandchild, and i am really appreciative they have brought so much for the little man. i think i will grab her over the weekend and just explain about the DPs ex girlfriend, she has her heart in the right place and maybe she thought it was a ok thing to do... thanks for easing me thru it ladies, muchly appreciated.

[mrsmac]

I'm amazed (and slightly weirded out) that your DP's ex, who you have absolutely no relationship with has accepted an invite to your baby shower? I would be having words, or better yet, no go because it doesn't sound like it's what you want and afterall, it's your baby. Sue and Jace should have another child of their own if it excites her so much LOL. Plus if you don't say anything now, it will set the tone for every single celebration that is to come down the track and it could well be a possibility that the ex will make the list for the wedding It will be hard, there will probably be tears, but you need to do it.

That's true too Trill, why on earth would she want to come?? That's dodgy IMO.


BTW I think some people judge people for everything, you're too young/ too old to have a baby etc etc Then when you have the baby they judge you on your parenting, its a sad fact of life these days.

[JellyBean]

only thing im thinking is the day we get married my MIL will be orginizing my DP ex girlfriend to be my bridesmaid.

Whhaatt!!?? She has no right to organise anything of the sort for you hon! The bride chooses her bridesmaids, end of story!! It wont be her getting married!! By the way, I think its your DP's job to stand up to her - its his mother, afterall. If she's making you feel so poorly about this he needs to step up and fill her in on why some of her gestures have been inappropriate, as well as how they have made you feel. He needs to explain to her that you have no personal connection to his ex, and that you deserve to only have guests there who mean something to YOU and make YOU feel comfortable. That will help her to see it from your angle.

People who make those snipey remarks about you being a young Mum are probably just jealous that they didn't have the same opportunity to take advantage of their fertility when they were your age. Physically, you are the perfect age to have a baby, and if you have a great relationship with your DP too - then more power to ya! People have no right to judge you based on appearance - that is so incredibly shallow. You don't need a degree or a long, established career to be a great Mum- all you need is love, and the desire to give your baby a good life. Age is irrelevant.
Besides, according to historical theologians, Mary gave birth to Jesus when she was just 18, and he turned out alright!! Lol...

[Daytona's Mummy]

Don't let that bitter old bat get you down, Your well and truely 'old' enuff to be a mummy! I used to get snarls from grannies all the time.. I fell pregnant at 16, had my DS at 17. First time, I snapped back and defended myself, making her look like a 2yo, (and prob myself)eventually I gave up and would simply reply, "well arn't we BOTH lucky your not MY grandmother, and don't have to deal with such shame!!!" Anyway, You were just at the right place at the rong time, don't let it get you down, just think how lucky your beautiful bub is having a young yummy mummy! and not an old bat that snarls at younger mums. Fwiw, my son quite proudly corrects people that refer to me as his sister,
As for your baby shower, can one of your best friends organise a shower for you? no-one said you can only have 1 and you still have time.. have one with all YOUR close friends and don't even tell your MIL, Then your MIL's shower for you will just be a bonus with heaps more pressies and on the day of her shower you can casually say (especially to the ex) how grateful you are for your MIL giving you this '2nd' baby shower with all HER friends there, and how lovely your one with YOUR OWN friends will be..... But definately put your foot down straight away about the ex when ever anything else special comes up such as your wedding. And at the end of the day, if the ex brings you a pressie, I can just about assure you your baby will crap or spew all over the first chance he/she gets! And who will have the last laugh then???

[Oscar&Grouch]

thanks so much ladies,
you have put a much needed smile on my dile
as for the ex, im just guessing she is hating the fact that my DP is her ex.
i guess its kind of a compliment. my girlfriends are invited to this shower so hopefully it will go down smoothly.
XXX

[~Serenity~]

i would definaty say something about the ex...deff would not want her there.....

and about the old bat ..next time you should say to dh gee she should be out shopping for coffins not clothes lol

[ubba82]

i would definaty say something about the ex...deff would not want her there.....

and about the old bat ..next time you should say to dh gee she should be out shopping for coffins not clothes lol

Hehe, heavenly that is really funny!!

Brooke- I was 17when preg with DD and I once had this older lady ask me if the father was still involved. WTF?? Some people just have no tact. I agree with what the others have had to say regarding your MIL in the ex.

Hope you bought some nice things for YOUR baby at cotton on kids!

[Evie76]

I was going to say that the old bat should be shopping for Depend - what's she doing in that store?? Arrgggggg......... how rude.

I REALLY think you need to set the boundaries right now with your MIL. Inviting an ex to your baby shower is the stoopidest thing I have ever heard of in my life. Not only that, I just had my baby shower and had only one relative at it - my mother. Everyone else was friends - it was my choice who was there........ it's your choice who's at yours. Ridiculous.

I reckon if you don't start setting these boundaries now, you are going to have a hell of a time when the baby's born and later when you're married or having a wedding. Time to draw the line. It may hurt, but just remember - "Yes" is not something we always have to say. Learn to say "No" and stick behind it. You'll be very glad you did.

[Lulu]

i guess its kind of a compliment. my girlfriends are invited to this shower so hopefully it will go down smoothly.
XXX

as long as your posse knows she'll be there, they can watch her for 'trapped' comments and shut her down.....!

[Fleur]

as long as your posse knows she'll be there, they can watch her for 'trapped' comments and shut her down.....!

:yeahthat: word them up

hugs to you Brooke... as everyone else has said...it's very rude IMO of your MIL to invite who she chooses...in my shower & every other I have heard of, the mum-to -be sets the guest list...and really you would think she would have more sense than to invite the ex.
But...in the case that it's done & can't be changed...I would be inviting everyone that you want there to support you, make it your day.

I do think too as some of the PPs have said it might be wise to start setting some boundaries now... if this is how your MIL is now...

And as for your age don't let anyone's rude or ignorant comments get to you I had my first at 17 & my second at 20 ... you will do just fine a young mum is still just a mum like any other don't let them get you down.