Hi,

I'm not even sure where to start..... we currently had two DS aged 4 and 2 and just found out I'm pregnant with our third. I was the one that pushed for this baby as I just had that 'don't think I'm done and our family isn't finished yet' feeling, whereas DH was quite content and wouldn't have pushed the issue for a third if I hadn't been the one to keep asking. In the end, we thought, well we'll give it a go and see what happens (even though he was nervous, and at the time I was excited), and bam! first time around, we're pregnant. I am so thankful for that as I have numerous friends who are struggling to have kids so I know how much of a blessing it is - please don't misunderstand that.

But now that I am pregnant I am freaking out and really realising the concerns DH had beforehand. We are already busting out of a small 3 bed home, DH works away, not sure we'll be now able to afford to send them to the private school we always dreamed of sending them to, we are already under financial pressure and now I feel i've just added to that. At the time my thinking was always that if we let finances dictate this decision, then in a few years time if things change we'll look back and regret not having a 3rd and I never wanted money to be the deciding factor. We always made do as kids. But now I get it....I'm feeling anxious and sick about the extra pressure I have put on our family and my DH. I feel sick about it - did I pay enough attention to what he was saying or was I too focused on my own feelings?. We realistically need a new home but doesn't look like where going to be able to afford it. And that seems to be some of the comments we're getting when we've told our family.......'oh you'll need a new house, gee you better keep working away to pay for all the school fees, we really thought you guys were finished etc..." just cementing all the thoughts we (or more specifically DH) was worried about.

I feel absolutely terrible. I want to feel excited and happy, and I am, but can't enjoy it........I just want to cry.