thread: Pregnant with 3rd and freaking out!

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Aug 2007

    Pregnant with 3rd and freaking out!


    I'm not even sure where to start..... we currently had two DS aged 4 and 2 and just found out I'm pregnant with our third. I was the one that pushed for this baby as I just had that 'don't think I'm done and our family isn't finished yet' feeling, whereas DH was quite content and wouldn't have pushed the issue for a third if I hadn't been the one to keep asking. In the end, we thought, well we'll give it a go and see what happens (even though he was nervous, and at the time I was excited), and bam! first time around, we're pregnant. I am so thankful for that as I have numerous friends who are struggling to have kids so I know how much of a blessing it is - please don't misunderstand that.

    But now that I am pregnant I am freaking out and really realising the concerns DH had beforehand. We are already busting out of a small 3 bed home, DH works away, not sure we'll be now able to afford to send them to the private school we always dreamed of sending them to, we are already under financial pressure and now I feel i've just added to that. At the time my thinking was always that if we let finances dictate this decision, then in a few years time if things change we'll look back and regret not having a 3rd and I never wanted money to be the deciding factor. We always made do as kids. But now I get it....I'm feeling anxious and sick about the extra pressure I have put on our family and my DH. I feel sick about it - did I pay enough attention to what he was saying or was I too focused on my own feelings?. We realistically need a new home but doesn't look like where going to be able to afford it. And that seems to be some of the comments we're getting when we've told our family.......'oh you'll need a new house, gee you better keep working away to pay for all the school fees, we really thought you guys were finished etc..." just cementing all the thoughts we (or more specifically DH) was worried about.

    I feel absolutely terrible. I want to feel excited and happy, and I am, but can't enjoy it........I just want to cry.

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Nov 2011

    Oh hun

    I understand, I grew up poor/struggling too so now as an adult starting a family I only just understand the stress my parents went through. But you know, we were happy. We had each other and we were looked after and did simple things. I shared a bedroom with my younger brother (15 months apart) and younger sister (6 years apart). Sure, we fought but we were all best friends. Kids are resilient, I know it will be hard and this probably isn't all that helpful, no one wants to 'just survive' but your kids will grow up learning to share and appreciating things (not that they wouldn't otherwise, but in my experience well off people really just don't have a clue how hard it is at times).

    For what its worth, my dad grew up in a family of 12 kids in a 3 bedroom home, and not the modern kind with theatres, play rooms & ensuites. They're all fine

    You are here now and there is nothing helpful in feeling guilty about perhaps not thinking it through financially first.

    All the best x

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Oct 2008
    In a Nice Safe Space

    Congratulations on your BFP!!! How exciting. I'm sure that your desire to add to your family will far outweigh your financial concerns when you hold your precious little babe in your arms. Things have a way of turning out just the way they are supposed to. You will have your basics already. As I have found out from having our little one people are only too happy to loan, pass on, re-gift items that they aren't using with their families. O.K. so some things may have to change, wait etc but so long as everyone is happy and healthy what more could a parent want.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    May 2008

    Pregnant with 3rd and freaking out!

    Congratulations!!! I too was feeling exactly the same at almost this time last year. Something was nagging at me and dh and I had said we have one of each we are happy but deep down I did want another one! I know he said ok because of my desire but was still supportive when we fell pregnant a lot sooner than anticipated! Said we would wait until the end of the year to start trying again but mother nature had other ideas!
    I am sitting here with our 9 week old son and couldn't imagine life without our third bubba now! I don't work and we have a car and house loan but we make do! It can sometimes be stressful and we go without the luxuries however those kids are what make it all worth it!
    It's only natural to feel the way you are feeling and I did feel that way throughout the whole pregnancy and wondered if I was a horrible person but it did pass as soon as I held him!
    We have everything we need baby wise and he received lots of lovely new pressies so it hasn't been financially challenging just yet. Things will be when he gets bigger but by then hopefully I am back working!
    By the way I have a 4 yr old and 2 year old also! It's mentally draining but if you have the right support it's manageable ;-))

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Jul 2012

    I love the statement in one of my iphone "baby" apps... "Nobody can ever truly afford children"...

    Try not to worry too much, but know that you probably will have a good month of stress ahead of you. Tears and mixed emotions. I always tossed up on having a third, when was a good time etc etc. I wanted my family finished before my 28th birthday (didn't see the point in having children over 3 decades like my Mum). When I fell pregnant with my third which was also very quickly, I was excited. I was scared, I was depressed, elated, anxious. A huge mixture of feelings. I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant now and am feeling great! I'm not looking at purchasing a house for about another 8 years and am focusing having these qualifications almost finished by the time bub arrives (well partly). I'm studying to be a Musculoskeletal therapist (Bach of health sience) with a diploma in massage therapy, to combine my knowlege and treatment styles. So this keeps me going.
    So far in life I've found if you really want something, regardless of if you have children or not, you WILL make it happen. So as hard as it is try not to stress out too much and enjoy your pregnancy Go and see a counseller and have a good chat, there are pregnany counsellers, which some of them can be wonderful!

    You really will be fine :-) And congratulations on the BFP

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Aug 2007

    thanks ladies. I'm feeling a little better. We had a good chat the other day and I think we're both in shock and adjusting. We've also decided to take the pressure off trying to get a bigger house and just make do with what we have. We'll make it work. That takes that financial pressure off anyways.

    Hope to be able to enjoy the rest of the time.

    Hope all is well with you all and thanks heaps for your replies!