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Thread: QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FOR PREGNANCY Funny

  1. #1

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    Smile QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FOR PREGNANCY Funny

    QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FOR PREGNANCY

    Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
    A: Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.

    Q: Can a woman get pregnant from a toilet seat?
    A: Yes, but the baby would be awfully funny looking.

    Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
    A: Have sex once a year.

    Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
    A: No, 35 children is enough.

    Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
    A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

    Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
    A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

    Q: My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose and genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this true?
    A: The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

    Q: Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
    A: Yes, your bladder.

    Q: Ever since I've been pregnant, I can't go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
    A: Depends on what you're doing with them.

    Q: What is a chastity belt?
    A: A labor-saving device.

    Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
    A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

    Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
    A: Childbirth.

    Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
    A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

    Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
    A: So what's your question?



    Q: Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?
    A: When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

    Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?
    A: Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

    Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
    A: Whatever she says divided by two.

    Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
    A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

    Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
    A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

    Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
    A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

    Q: What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
    A: It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

    Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
    A: Yes, pregnancy.

    Q: Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
    A: Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

    Q: Under what circumstances should a baby not be circumcised?
    A: When it's a girl, for starters.

    Q: Where is the best place to store breast milk?
    A: In your breasts.

    Q: Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
    A: Yes, baby lips.

    Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
    A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

    Q: How does one sanitize nipples?
    A: Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

    Q: What are the terrible twos?
    A: Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

    Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
    A: When you see teeth marks.

    Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
    A: Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.

    Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
    A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

    Q: Nannies aren't cheap are they?
    A: Not usually, but occasionally you'll find a floozy.

    Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
    A: When the kids are in college.

  2. #2

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    ROFLMAO !!! That is hilarious !!!

  3. #3

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    LMAO, thanks for sharing. Very funny

  4. #4

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    LMAO! They're fantastic!

  5. #5

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    LMAO! Thanks for the giggles. It was just what I needed this afternoon.

    Kristy

  6. #6

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    ROFLMAO that was good!!

  7. #7

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    LOL very funny

  8. #8

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    That was great!!!!!!!!

  9. #9
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  10. #10

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    Gave me a great giggle - thanks for posting it!

  11. #11

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    I just found this...It's ace!

    Spech the one about when to circumcise a baby! hehee

  12. #12

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    Love it! Love the - why do people stare at me!!!

  13. #13

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    Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
    A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.


  14. #14

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    Too funny.... everyone in my office is staring at me cause I am laughing too loud...

  15. #15

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    hhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahaha!!! WHATTA CLASSIC!!!

  16. #16

    Unhappy

    ok i dont know if anyone is still reading this thread, i've been trying to do some research on this implantation bleeding i'm not sure i understand. for the last three days i've had this incredibly light period but it was brown and i didn't need a pad my period is late i'm about 9 days due for my next one could this be implantation bleeding do i need to wait for a couple of days now this brown thingy has stopped before i test?
    please help

  17. #17

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    Hi sweetie and welcome to BB. You may get more responses if you start your own thread, btw. (Although this did make me smile again, so thanks for bumping!)

    As far as I'm aware, implantation bleeding happens just before you're due, or just after, or around the time (I'm not too regular so don't know how this "due" thing works anyway). It's just a few spots of light brown blood and not that noticable if you wear dark pants.

    If your period is late in any way and you've had sex this cycle and you think you may be pregnant, there's no harm in doing a test. Even if you don't think your pregnant - at least you're sat on the loo when you get the results LOL. (Unless you just order a blood test at the hospital, which involves all the lab finding out before you.) If this bleeding is nine days before a period and your last period was normal, wait until you're late and then test.

    Good luck!

  18. #18

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    i couldn't work out how to make my own thread, i'm 9 days due for my next period and still waiting for my last had a test today and was neg but some post say you have to wait days after you stop the brown...

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