Hi Ellyboo.

I too had a pretty traumatic birhting experience with my DD who is now 2.

I had the easiest pregnancy you could imagine, but guess paid my dues in the labour ward. I had a atonic uterus which meant it failed to contract after delivery.My uterus wasnt contracting to full % when i was having contractions, which meant me and baby doing most of the work. I pushed for 1 hour non stop, which may not seem much but if you saw photos the next day i was unrecongisable. I had a episotomy, DD was born face up (not face down as everyone would like), i ended up with third deg tears, retained placenta and massive haemorraging. I didnt get to hold my DD. I was whisked off to surgery for manual removal of placenta.
The physical pain i felt after this labour was horrifying. I remember my DD in my arms and i just kept crying out for more morphine due to my pain. i was in hospital a week. DD could have gone home the day after she was born, she was fighting fit. I had to have two blood transfusions during my stay - my iron levels were 64.....yep, pretty bloody low. I managed to breastfeed no probs, but was houseridden for the first 6 weeks of my DD life. I couldnt do much. Now i find myself with my #2 labour just around the corner. Im scared, petrified, just want it over with. I kinda figure no two pregnancies/labours are ever the same. And for the pain i endured i have a little poppet now. Whom i just have to look at with her big blue eyes and listen to her ask 'mumma, can i have a bikkie' or 'mumma you are so pretty' and i just melt. Labour does hurt, i dont know many women who will tell you otherwise, but actions speak louder than words dont they - thats why so many of us go back for more.

Good luck sweety, in your own time you will make a decision.

Is there medical pros you could talk to about what actually happened?