Sharing your due date, and news that you're in labour

[TreeTops]

I'd love to hear your experiences/opinions of sharing your due date with people, plus who you told (if anyone) that you'd gone into labour.

I have seen first hand and heard many stories of people going over 40w and getting hounded by calls, texts, emails, etc.

I'm tempted to give people either a vague date eg "end of March, early April", or a fake date, maybe a week later. Is that just silly and deceptive?

And what about labour? I don't think I want anyone waiting in the corridors. Is it OK to tell people once it's all over?

TIA

[Lulu]

I never tell people I'm in labour at all, only those that are there at the time know!

The last thing you need is impatient people texting you in labour....

[Heaven]

I have been trying not to tell ppl my due date but they're so nosey. When they ask I just say mid february but then they say 'What date?' Don't know what you're supposed to say to that.
I don't want visitors too early either so I think I'll just be telling everyone when it's over.

[*star*]

Hi Tree Tops,

I gave my real due date when telling people, but I don't think there's any harm in being vague - I ended up going 2 weeks early, but always had a date in my own mind two weeks after my actual due date so that I didn't go crazy if I did go over!

In terms of telling people after you've gone into labour, my opinion is DEFINITELY!!! On my tour of the labour ward I saw annoying family waiting outside and thought - I definitely don't want that- imagine the pressure (even if it's only in your head). In the end I did tell my parents and parents in law, as my labour was long and drawn out and because it was early I had to get them to help with installing the car seat! Because my labour was so drawn out, it was a long time between when I called them to let them know I was going into hospital and when they next heard from me. Obviously this was stressing my parents out, and dad rang the hospital- I happened to be just changing wards at the time, so that I could have an epidural - a very stressful time for me, as I had wanted a natural water birth. I distinctly recall using some very bad language about leaving me alone and that we'd let him know if I'd died or anything! Mum didn't even know he'd rung until 8 months later when I mentioned it! Also, turn your phone off in the labour ward!! God knows why I left it on, but we did have some calls, which was rather distracting!

Anyway in summary go for being vague and not telling anyone you're in labour until it's all over!

[BellyBelly]

I'd give them a vague time or even when you are 43 weeks LOL bound to have the baby by then

It's dangerous telling family, the pressure can be intense to know every little detail of every niggle and cramp, and then when you are in labour, if it's long, you get the impatience setting in and wondering when they are going to speed up your labour.... 'haven't they induced you yet?' 'you should have had your baby by now??' *rolls eyes*. Just builds anxiety in the couple...

[Mumma2three]

Last time I sent a big text to say DD had arrived, whilst they were stitching me up and DH was bonding with baby! Wow at technology! With DD1 it was slow word of mouth or whomever my mum called (10 years ago, no mobiles)!! But I wouldn't tell anyone Im in labour, and so far I havent' had people call and ask. I say the correct due date. I think these days with email and facebook etc, people will know from there what's' going on, before ringing you. (not family but it cuts out alot of friends calling)!

[Laranna]

We told everyone our due date, but then at 32 weeks I had to book a c/sfor 39 weeks due to placenta praevia - we kept this to ourselves and didn't tell anyone as we still wanted to surprise everyone with the birth news afterwards (not to mention avoid ppl hanging around the hospital!).

In the end, my labour started naturally 3 weeks early at 2am, still had the cs, but told everyone about 6 hours later. I had to ring my family first as they were due to show up at my place for mothers day breakfast

[StephV]

I'm telling people the due date as with a lot of 1st babies it seems to be 10 days overdue - so I tell them not to get too excited about the date..

But the labour - nope I don't want anyone calling during especially if it happens to be one of those 24 hour pls labours!

[Antheia]

With this pregnancy i have only told people i'm due in February and that's it and they havent asked for a specific date. To be honest, half the people i know don't even know i'm pregnant!

With regards to labour, we're having a homebirth and i won't get much support of this descion so only MIL will know as she looking after the other 2 kids. No one has actually asked where i'm having the baby so luckly i have avoid that. I will let them know probably the next day after bub is born. But then again, we have no family close by so i wouldnt have any hassles of people waiting about anyway.

[satya]

You may as well be honest about the due date - everyone will want to know and most people don't go on their due date so it doesn't really matter anyway.

Don't tell anyone that you are in labour unless you want them at the hospital and therefore probably in the labour room with you. I wasn't intending to tell anyone until I was well advanced by my DF got overexcited and called both my mum and his mum. This resulted in having his mum at hospital for much of the labour as well as my parents there for some of it. I had only ever intended on my DF being in the labour room with me but I think it worked out well to have the family support as well. My labour was a long (17 hours and 12 hours or so of pre labour) so he did need a bit of a break at times. Having the others there allowed him to take a short break leaving me with someone there to hold my hand or rub my back.

If you are intending to share news with your BB due date group be careful about sharing your phone number. I've noticed some people get inundated with messages from people when they go into labour. That can't be fun for your partner to deal with - as they tend to end up with your phone while it's all going on.

My phone got left at home so I didn't advise any friends of the birth til the following day. Joint friends found out the day of the birth as their numbers were of course in DF's phone. I vaguely remember having a couple of very weird phone conversations with family/close friends shortly after the birth (DF was way over excited by that time). I was so out of it and I have no idea what I said to them. Might be wise to word DF up to not pass the phone to you after the birth.

[PinkPalace]

We have just told people we are due late october and no we wont tell them - until after the baby is born.
We didnt tell anyone when i was in labour with DD and wont with this one either!

[Baby Blue Eyes]

we told people the due date for Toby and it drove me batty the phone calls, have you had it yet - oh yes I had a beautiful baby the most amazing experiance of my life and decided to not tell anyone about it

this one I am just saying April for everyone but close friends/family

[Snowy Love]

I would say definatly be vague - my EDD is 18 April, but we're saying end of April. If you're pushed for an exact date, just say only 5% of babies arrive on their due date, so that date is when the y probably won't arrive, but bubs will be here by (insert 43 weeks date). It depends on the personality of the people you tell of course, if you know someone won't hassel you then there's no problem telling them the date and when you go into labour - we told my Dad & step-Mum (so they could feed our cats) and they left us alone and waited for the announcement, others might not be so thoughtful.

[Shanti]

I've told people our baby is due end of January, early February (being our first, probably due beginning Feb!) if they ask, i do tell them 26th Jan. I'm pretty sure of my dates too.

I'm going to turn my phone off when i go into labour and DH can look after it until after the birth when we turn it on when ready to.

If I go into labour in the middle of the night, we're not going to tell anyone and just head to hospital. If i go into labour at a reasonable hour, we are then going to call both parents and strictly say to them "we are on our way to hospital everything is just great and when we have some news we will ring you. Please don't visit us as we don't want visitors waiting around and please don't call us"

We're lucky that none of our friends or family live near us anyway!! PIL's live 1hr away they are the closest. so we shouldnt have anyone coming down anyway.

[TreeTops]

Thanks everyone for your input. I think I'll aim for vagueness in terms of the date, but not be secretive about it. Like I don't think I'll advertise the fact it might be an April Fools baby, that will just stick in people's minds

In terms of labour - it's one to discuss with DH, but I think we'll try to avoid letting people know.

[visitor1]

DD1 i said between end of Nov early December....no real exact date.

DD2 i said 21st Oct and was hounded all the time....(even more so cos DD1 was early), my parents were in NZ at the time and every time they called it was 'have you had that baby yet'

So this time ive said early January but she will come when she is ready, whether thats ealy of late like her big sisters!

As for labour:

DD1-i told family on the way to the hospital then phones went off til she was born
DD2- My parents were here when i went into labour so they knew, IL's were told on way to hospital then phones went off until she was born

This bub ill probably tell on way to hospital again and phones off til she is born also!

[BekZ]

My SIL and I announced that we were pregnant the same day. She told parents in the morning and I told them in the afternoon.

She was due Nov 7 and me Nov 9. I felt like there was a race to the finish line the whole last trimester. My SIL was determined to have the first grandchild and to be honest I really didn't care. She seemed to make it a big deal though. Turns out she went into labour first and they told everybody on their way to hosiptal.

She was hounded constantly at the hosiptal by well meaning grandparents to be and friends.

I went into labour one week later and we did not tell anyone until I had given birth. Mind you I went into labour at midnight. We called people around mid-day the next day so most people could not make it to the hosiptal to visit unti the next day. Although our parents had suspected that I was in labour because we missed our morning checking up phones calls.

[BhoysGirl]

The only people who knew my due date were my DF, my OB & me. I was deliberately vague about the date with everyone else, usually saying "first week of August', and I'm glad that I did it this way. Although I didn't have phone calls nagging, cos I actually went into labour the day before my due date. I hadn't planned to tell anyone that I was in labour either, but we had dropped in to visit my parents for the afternoon, having been out to lunch for our last childfree hoorah, and my contractions had started mid afternoon. I was fine with just monitoring them quietly, but then DF started to settle in so I kind of lost it a bit (in fairness, he didn't know about the contractions at the time, I was kind of in denial) and ended up having a bit of a cry with my mum so she knew, but then she's ace and isn't the kind of mum to presume that she'd be anywhere near the hospital until she received the official call. Unlike DF's brother, who turned up not long after I'd been wheeled back from recovery (e C/s), and was sitting in the room before I'd even had chance to have my first cuddle and even stayed while I was trying to do my first b/f. 13 months later & I'm still po'd about that!