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Thread: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

  1. #1

    Default A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    Would like some gentle opinions please, as I have no ideas about when to do this.

    I am currently 12w pg and am a teacher. Work-wise, I have told the minimum of people (HR, the head, my department head and my line manager). I will tell other people as and when (and if!) they notice - was planning on telling my department just before Christmas, about 23w, although my line manager reckons some people may start guessing in about another month. (I hope not, hoping not to start showing until after Christmas, especially as I will be in drapey T-shirts, scarves and floaty empire-line tunics that I have worn a lot pre-pregnancy should I get any bigger.) I am also not having to move around the school at the same time as the students, so have little worry about being jostled in corridors etc.

    In my last pregnancy, work colleagues were surprised to hear I was going on maternity leave when it was just a few weeks away. My uterus is inverted, so it grows inwards instead of outwards, so I am not expecting to get much bigger in the next 3 months, much like last time. I was also wearing pre-pregnancy clothes at term last time. So I figure it's up to me when to tell, rather than my belly.

    I would like opinions from parents and teachers as to when to tell the students. I teach at a secondary school in a city, so there won't be emotional issues about little ones losing their class teacher with little warning if I don't tell them until later. I will have finished the courses with my exam students, so they will just be on revision time.

    I was thinking maybe after Christmas (about 26w), but then don't want to have the less well behaved classes act up for a term before I go - hols start at 37w, mat leave at 39w. If I tell one class, the whole school will know shortly afterwards, so can't just tell my gorgeous ones only (and, let's face it, every class has some gorgeous ones and some slightly more high-maintainance ones). I could wait until I'm about 8m gone and tell them in the last week of term before the Easter hols, but they may well have guessed by then. Or I could wait until they figure it out and ask (no tact from several of them). The school I am in, although a city school, doesn't have violence issues so I am not worried about the baby's physical health.

    As a teacher, what would you do?

    As a parent, what would you and your child prefer?

    As a pregnant person, what would you advise?

    Thanks for any loving advice you wish to give!

  2. #2

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    Default Re: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    I am a parent of a year 7 student. And 3 primary school kids. I think once they're at highschool, these things aren't as exciting as they are for the younger kids, so it's not going to have the same impact.

    I think it is totally your choice, that only you can make. I would say that around the time you start to show (even if it is later than normal), is very much ok.

    We live in a small, close knit community & the teachers are around our kids in & out of school. But we all make a point of making it clear to our kids that school life is separate to home life for them & that when they see them out, to give them space to be themselves. We keep our kids home for some sporting awards nights etc, so our teachers can let their hair down and not have to worry about being a role model on occasion.

    Your personal life is your personal life & when ever & how ever you're happy to tell your kids should be the way you tell them. If you only want to tell a few & they pass it on, then ask, if you're comfortable doing that, do it.

    Honestly, I don't think I ever had a teacher go on maternity leave while I was at school. But DD1 has. Its different when you have one class though. She told her room, then I think there may've been a congrats in the newsletter, or something at an assembly due to staffing arrangements. But most of us had heard from the kids by then.

    Small towns have a way of these things going through the adult world before the kids hear about it in smaller communities And small communities are my only experience, so I may not be the best to ask

  3. #3

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    Default Re: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    Given that they are secondary students, I don't see why you have to tell them if you don't want too, If you are happy to do so, just wait until they ask, even if it is without tact :P This is a situation of what you feel comfortable doing and when

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    Default Re: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    Sorry to butt in but I missed your announcement... CONGRATULATIONS!!!

  5. #5

    Default Re: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    You didn't miss it, meow, I chose not to make one. Just as I'm trying not to make one irl too!

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    Default Re: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    As a pregnant person that is 12 weeks... I'm already showing so slightly jealous.

    As a parent - when ever you feel comfortable. Xox

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    Default Re: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    I agree with all that! I was showing by 12 weeks

    It's your pregnancy and who knows when is the best time for everyone else to know. Just tell them when it's best for you. You could just wait till they guess and then confirm it, rather than actually announce it.

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    Default Re: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    Seeing you're starting the new year with classes, I just wonder if it might be best to say something. From a parents point of view (even if it is a high school student), I still think it's best to have it out in the open, rather than suddenly at the last minute you aren't there anymore.

    But I can see your point about worrying that they will muck up. It will probably depend on your relationship with your classes, but I wonder if you can slide it in as an intro to how he term is going to look... Something like...

    "Okay, as we will only have this term together, we are going to try and make it as fun as possible. Here's the low down of what we need to cover by.... Such and such a date.... Here is what you need to complete to be graded... And if we get that done we can... Have a class party, blah blah blah... At the end of term.... Oh... Why won't you have me next term, well.. I'll be on maternity leave..."

    Lol you might be surprised. Especially if you have a good relationship with the kids. They may be uber excited

  9. #9

    Default Re: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    Are you in the US? In Australia you start with a new class after the Christmas holidays - so it would be different kids all together....just curious?

  10. #10

    Default Re: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    I'll have had 2 terms pre mat leave, with just 1 to go, as I'm not in Aus. And I don't have a good relationship with one of them! Saying that, they're better for me than for some other teachers, but I still don't trust they'd behave for a teacher who's leaving.

    Most of my students will be happy for me and interested. I just don't want them fussing about me I guess.

    But does the fact it isn't the start of the year change anything? Or should I say now as I've had the NT scan and everything's going well?

  11. #11

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    Default Re: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    I have nothing useful to add in terms of when to tell... but I just had to say

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    Super happy for you!

  12. #12

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    Default Re: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Ca Plane Pour Moi View Post
    I'll have had 2 terms pre mat leave, with just 1 to go, as I'm not in Aus. And I don't have a good relationship with one of them! Saying that, they're better for me than for some other teachers, but I still don't trust they'd behave for a teacher who's leaving.

    Most of my students will be happy for me and interested. I just don't want them fussing about me I guess.

    But does the fact it isn't the start of the year change anything? Or should I say now as I've had the NT scan and everything's going well?
    Oh sorry, I made an assumption you were in Aus.

    Hmm. If they've had you for nearly a while school year you might still need to give them a bit of preparation,even if it's only so they treat the next teacher okay

    You could not actually tell them.... But start wearing one of those tshirts announcing your pregnancy and wait to see which students actually ask, and how long it takes to get around the school. Lol. Could be funny

    It really is your own business, and if you don't want to tell them why you're going on leave you certainly don't have to. But as a parent I'd probably want to know that you're at least going on leave, just so I could ask questions etc before you go if I need or want to,

  13. #13

    Default Re: A slightly different "when to tell?" thread

    It would normally be a safe assumption to make on an Australian site, so don't worry myturn. I should have thought about the different school start dates before I posted in the first place.



    I guess more than one week's notice is fair. Parents will likely be told in the newsletter - I'll ask for the February one, so parents have a half-term to contact me, whenever the students are told. All my classes have one other teacher (in my subject, we usually split classes) so there will be some continuity.

    Clotheswise, I like to wear blouse/skirt or a smart dress. would love to see a smart workwear pregnancy announcement top!

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