Trying to stay positive, but im so scared.

:

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OOOOH I just re-read my post. I meant looked like a junkie from blood tests - not actually been one

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:ROFL: Thanks for the laugh i needed one today!!

My poor kids, although they have loved it, have had hungry jacks and maccas for at least one meal for 3 days in a row.
I need to know all is ok, so i can get back to being a good mum.

You are a good mum, it doesnt matter that the kids have had take away for a few days, you are going through a very stressful time right now. The kids will be fine and Im sure they are loving it. You just need to make it clear that there will be no TA for the next 6 months.....

Oh hun,sending you lots and lots of sticky vibes. Dont even worry about the house. You need to just put your feet up and ty not to stress. Dont worry about the take out either. Its all good.
Thinking of you and hoping all is okay :hug:

Anila,

try not to worry about the houe or what the kids are eating you need to rest up and keep as positive as possible. The Bloods are a good first step at least its only one more slepp until you know something more than you do now. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Its easier said than done but try to relax, keep your feet up we will all be sending sticky vibes to you.

Take care will pop in tomorrow to see how your doing.

Luv Nae x

grrr, i just wish this spotting will make up its mind what colour it wants to be!!!
Im just so tired of all this, i want it to go away!!

My arm feels so sore and bruised, and i forgeot that hunter had soccer, so i had to cook dinner, lucky Grace helped me, my arm hurt from stiring dinner.

Hi Darl, How are you today? What time is your appointment?

hey ubba, no appointment today just go in later tonight and get the results, will call first to make sure they are in, i have an ultra sound booked for 10 am on monday morning, this is gona be a long wait.

I wouldnt worry so much if it had some consistency with it, but it doesnt, when it comes back red it makes me think the worse.
Even the bleeding i had with kainne, was consistant, i suppose i worry more because kainne wasnt suppose to be here according to the drs, they all said his pregnancy wasnt viable, his heart rate was 85 for such a long time.

I just want really good numbers tonight, and to see a good heart beat on monday!

Fingers crossed for good results Anila

Fingers crossed here too mate xxx

oooh Anila, just reading through all of this and I have everything crossed that all is well. Take care and rest up as much as you can - well as much as you can when you have littlies on the go. xx

arrrrrrrrrr men that can not cook and clean

best of luck anila

Thinking of you and crossing all my bits !

Sending lots of sticky vibes and positive thoughts your way !

Hope all is well.

xxxxxoooo

Thinking of you!

Hope there is all good results for you :hug:

Sticky vibes heading your way in droves...

:comfort:

silly nurse...if only she had of put the heat pack on and put you in a warm room the proccess would of been much quicker!!! still sending you lots of :stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy: and my fingers and toes are :crossfingers:

take it easy!!!

Hi Anila, how did you go tonight?

well, its not the best of news and still puts me in limbo land.
The results came back that yes i am pregnant, but in 10 days the levels have only risen from 29 to 73.
The dr was very shocked and said he would have expected them to be in the hundreds by now, and really so did i.
So he said its good the numbers are rising, it could mean that im only very early pregnant, or its just really low hcg.
I got a positive test weeks ago, and if anything i would only be a week difference and he was talking 2- 3 weeks, so the time frame doesnt fit with everything else.
He said we could do another hcg blood test, but said he would rather just wait to see what the scan says on monday.
He said hopefully we see a heart beat, or even just a sac.



well just as i was typing all this i went to the loo and i have started heavy bleeding, and have passed a clot, i dont think it was baby, but bleeding is just like af.

:comfort::hug::comfort: Let us know if there is anything we can do sweets :comfort::hug::comfort:

Babe i love ya so much and its so not fair that you are going through this...i am still praying that things will be ok....im always here for ya


:hug::hug::hug::hug:

Oh Darl, thats really sad news. I guess still wait and see what the u/s says on Monday. If you are in any pain it is safe to take paracetemol. Grab a heat pack and hop into bed.

Take Care,

xx

Honey this just isnt fair :( Hopefully it all turns out okay. You know we will all be here for you :) :hug:

Anila, I am :pray:ing for you too... and sending you lots of hugs and comfort

Hopefully all your news on Monday will be :hug:great

xxx

as much as i am trying to stay strong, the bleeding is far too much like af, and i have mild cramps on my left side, im trying to fight back the tears, but my eyes are just burning, hubby wont talk, so all i have is this post, im sitting in front of the stupid computer crying.
Hubby and i are fighting, i asked him to stay home tomorrow, and he wont, he said he has to work.

I was alone when i had my first angel baby, i dont wanna do this alone again.
I cant do it.

Lots of squishy fat wobbling hugs for you from me mate
xxxx

Hopefully its hangin on by its fingernails in there and just wanting to give mummy a scare (ie - must be male!!!) ;)

*mwah*

:hug:

ETA - just read your other post. Do you want me to come and see you tomorrow and keep you company?

:hug: and :comfort:

I am so sorry that you are going through this and feel so alone.
I wish i could give you some comfort and a big hug IRL.

Please know that i am thinking of you.
Just a thought - Maybe your DH doesnt know what to say or is struggling with his own feelings ? I hope you are able to have a talk.

Take care
We are all here for you !

xxxxoooo

Oh hun, I am so sorry you feel so alone ATM, many hugs to you sweetie, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that all is well with your bubbie, please stick little one!!!:pray::pray::pray::pray::pray::pray::pray:

Lisa - my beautiful friend... i have just Pm'd you.

As for D, sweetheart, sadly he is dealing with this the only way he knows how... this is very similar to way back in oct/nov last year. I believe, as i said to you then, he struggles, truly struggles with seeing you sad or dissapointed..and definately hurting. He doesnt know how to handle seeing you this way, in himself i mean. Or, the fact that he has no power or control over what is happening, he is your man and he cant stop what is hurting you right now. For some men, that is more than they can bare. And doing what he is doing (by going to work = going into cave), is his default mechanism.

:hug:

I truly hope before the early hour's of daylight tomorrow, you both have been able to talk, or he has been able to see and been able to put his fears/feeling's aside, to be able to be there and hold you through this. If it wasnt for the K's you KNOW i would be there in an heartbeat!!

What i said in my PM stands.... as it has for the past 7 months and will continue to do so.

:comfort:

:heartbeat: I am :pray: for a positive outcome to this babe, from the utter core of me!

:stickyvibesgirl: stick baby - stick like no other baby has ever stuck before!!! :stickyvibesboy:

Im so very sorry you are going through this and feeling so alone. Just know that although it doesnt help the your DH is dealing with it in his own way. It took about 6 years for my husband to break down over the loss of the twins, he kept it to himself for all that time not wanting to hurt me anymore than I was. The thing is I thought it didn't effect him at all and felt wrong for greiving myself so I'd hide it and cry in the shower. I did that for years we didn't talk about it or acknowledge it in anyway until I hit a wall and was a emotional mess. Now they are apart of our family we celebrate them with living roses, candles, tattoos, names, their brother and sister include them in our family tree.
For years I thought he didn't care but men are just so very different than us I'm sure yur DH just doesn't know what to do.
I hope things turn around for you and everything turns out alright but if not just be kind to yourself and do what you need to get through it regardless of how DH deals with it.
Takecare, BIG HUG!!!!
Missy

Oh anila. i just found this thread. I'm so sorry you are going through this uncertainty. Just hold on to that bubba.bubba hold on to mumma. if you need anything today let me know as im free.
lots of sticky vibes for you hun.

:comfort:. Sorry you are going through this Anila. xx

Anila, I am so very sorry you are going thru this, I wish I lived near you and I would come and look after you today so you didnt have to be alone. I truly hope your DH did stay home for you. My DH has never talked about our Angels, just what we went thru to have our DD"s. I often felt alone in my grief from the loss of my Angels because I felt as tho I couldnt cry in front of anyone need alone him. I hope DH supports you thru this most difficult time sweety. Lots of hugs.

I just want to say a big thankyou to everyone here for all your support, however i dont think it is looking very positive, i have continued to bleed and loose clots, i am thinking that maybe the clot i passed last night was infact my baby, the blood is heavy like af but hasnt yet fully come onto the pad, im not sure if thats because i have been lying down.

Hubby went to work today and although i harrased him with texts messages telling him i needed him to be here with me, he said he couldnt, i told him i hated him, and i dont.
I cant stop the tears, im still in my pjs, the house is just feral, the kids are fighting, and i dont want to be going through this.

I have never delt with loosing my angel baby almost 11 years ago, i think about that baby every single day, and it hurt that i was alone then, that my partner at the time would rather go off and cheat on me than be there for me, so im hurting even more that my hubby choose work over me, its a job he hates, he looks for excusses everyday not to go to work, and i give him the perfect one.

I wanna see a sac and a heartbeat on monday, but i know, i feel it, my baby has gone...

Oh Lisa :comfort:

I so wish I could be there today, even if it was to do a bit of housework for you so you could relax (and believe me, I hate housework, so thats a big thing!!)

And DS could run wild with your kids so I wouldn't have him hanging off me ;)

:hug: and :comfort: for you my friend. I'm thinking of you xxxxx

Thank you mel, right now i dont think i would be very good company, i just keep staring at the computer and crying, i feel so numb.

I havent even feed kainne breakfast, i keep thinking why, what did i do, why is mother nature doing this to me, and of course i get the whole thing from my mum about u already have 5 kids, maybe ur uterus cant handle any more, maybe there was something wrong with it, of course they are the logical answers, but i dont want logic, i wanna have a baby at xmas, i wanna still be pregnant!!!

I want my husband here with me,!

Sending more cyber hugs your way Anila. Again I am so very sorry your going thru this and alone as well. When I told my family I was expecting last yr after 2 m/c's they said Ohh isnt it too soon, you only just m/c'd. I also had the bleeding very early on and so wanted to hold onto hope and still I kept getting the same reply, Ohhh its too early, Ohh you already have 4kids blah blah blah. That is certainly not what I wanted to hear then, I wanted someone to tell me all would be ok, which thankfully it was, not the best of pgcy's but at least I have V now. Even now where ever we go, Ohh your not going to have anymore are u? Thats it isnt it? Like come on, noone is asking them to raise my kids for me, its none of their business. So I really do feel for you, having to hear all these comments and to so desperately want to hold onto your bub, and feeling all alone. I hope for some miracle for you honey and you do get to hold your precious bub come xmas no matter how many children you have, it certainly doesnt make the pain any less difficult.

I wish I could help make that pain of yours go away. Hugs

hugs hunny, im so sorry that you have to go through this....you deserve this baby and you have so much love to give and dont let anyone get you down....when these things happen its usually out of your hands

:hug:

Well i managed a shower and breakie for kainne, i tried to clean, but when i move i get all crampy, so ill just sit and stare at the computer for just a bit longer, my eyes are burning, and my head hurts.
I have managed some interaction with the kids in the form of changing nappies and faking a smile.
I am a lot older now than when i was when i had my first angel baby, yet the emotions and feelings are all still the same, i feel like a little girl who needs their mum.
I feel lost all lost and numb.

I dont know how other women cope through this, im definatly not strong.

Mum also said well at least u know u can get pregnant, yeah, thanks for trying to put a positive spin on it, but its not what i want to hear.

im so mad, if it is going to be over why does it have to drag on, why did it have to start slowly on fri, why cant it just hurry up and happen so i can get on with dealing with it.

Its not looking good, its still so heavy looking, its only just started to slowly come on to the pad, but its so heavy when i wipe and so full of clots, ill be very suprised if they see a heart beat on monday.
and the cramps, they are not as bad as i remember with my first angel, but he was 11 weeks, so i dont know if being further along makes it more painful, it just hurts.

im sorry if this is tmi for some people, i just have no one here, and i need to get it out, i cant bottle it up...

let it out hun. you never know how much your words might help someone else that has to go through the tragedy that you are now. we are all here to listen and i realise that our words probably don't help much but we say them anyways. my prayers are going out to you today to give you strength.
much love

Anila, like Liz said, all of us at BB are here for you in your time of need. Bottling it up won't do anyone any good, so share with us whatever you need.

I am so sorry you are experiencing this, and I wish Dan was there to comfort you. Men often deal with pain in their own way, and maybe by distancing himself from you, this is his way.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family sweetie :hug:

Anila sweetie I just read and I'm so sorry. I wish I had caught wind of this so I could have been there from the start. I so know what you are going through I was there last month and I know it's hard. You don't know why and wonder what you've done. I wish I could come give you a big hug. I really d give the best hugs but hubby said he wouldn't watch the kids while I flew over there.

Many hugs :hug::comfort::hug::comfort::hug: