What helped you get through labour and have a natural birth?

[HotI]

Can I be pressured by my OB or the Hospy to do something I don't want to do? Are they likely to tell you there is a risk to your baby just to get you to do something?

Yep! That is why it is important to read up and be confident in what you want, what you don't want and why you want these things, and where you are willing to compromise.

[belfie]

i agree, that can definitely happen (being pressured by the hosp/obs that is). I think the other thing that can't be underestimated and this is where a doula or caregiver (carer in an emotional sense, i.e. not your midwife) becomes really important - during labour you're very inwardly focussed, you have to be - amazing things are happening in your body. But this can be really disconcerting for partners. They've been planning and working with you and suddenly you're away (mentally) in this other place. When a hospital/doctor starts to pressure you, well you mightn't pay much attention but your partner sure does. And remember, they haven't been there before - they don't REALLY know what's going to happen/what's normal/what's not. For them, it can seem a very long time seeing their beloved in pain... and what do males often do in this situation? They try to solve (well mine does anyway ). So i'm not saying that your hubby won't stand up for what you want, I'm sure he will - but if he was faced by a dr saying your bub was at risk if he doesn't act? what then? that's a tough place to be. My doula was the one who would slow it down, ask the questions - is this urgent, can we discuss for 5 mins etc.

One phrase my doula said to me at one stage was "he just looked at me with these puppy dog eyes" - my DH had a moment(s) where he was lost. Yes we'd planned, asked questions, informed ourselves - but it is a huge experience. For us, the fact my doula was strong and positive for both of us was invaluable. a) she'd seen it before (and done it herself before), b) she was there 100% for me - our partners love us SO much that it can be difficult to sit back and let their loved one do all the work - someone who doesn't actually have the same emotional investment brings a different perspective and c) in a 12 hour labour I crossed 3 shifts of midwives (all of whom I'd never met before), we didn't want to have to educate every new one! Yes we had a birth plan, but having two folks there advocating for me was jolly handy - it's a long day in the office for DH and doula/caregiver no matter how long or short your labour, but to have consistent caregivers there who are emotionally engaged with you for you is best gift you can ever give yourself.

Another story that always made me think was about a lady who went in with a birth plan which said no pain relief. The well-meaning midwife kept coming in and saying "oh I think you need something to help you with the pain". The doula kept saying "I think you're doing great, you can do this, how do you feel?". It makes a big difference the messages we're hearing and I think there are definitely cases where pressure can wear you down (and lets face it, in labour there's already plenty of pressure!).

I won't go into the details of my birth again (given above) but it's interesting, in reading other posts - i though oh gosh, i guess mine wasn't a natural birth then. But to me, considered/questioned/researched/EMPOWERED... it was the right birth for me. And at the end of the day I think that's the best possible birth to get. I have a friend who "technically" had a very similar birth - but hers was an unexpected induction, she didn't find herself able to use the skills from her hypnobirthing course and she is still very traumatised by it. Some of the other posts have said open yourself to all sorts of options, and I have to say I totally agree. Births are hard to plan, they're not always in your control - but I guess it's the good old change what you can change, accept what you can't change. That way, you will OWN your birth, and whatever that looks like, it will be wonderful.

[Tuesday's Child]

i agree, that can definitely happen (being pressured by the hosp/obs that is). I think the other thing that can't be underestimated and this is where a doula or caregiver (carer in an emotional sense, i.e. not your midwife) becomes really important - during labour you're very inwardly focussed, you have to be - amazing things are happening in your body. But this can be really disconcerting for partners. They've been planning and working with you and suddenly you're away (mentally) in this other place. When a hospital/doctor starts to pressure you, well you mightn't pay much attention but your partner sure does. And remember, they haven't been there before - they don't REALLY know what's going to happen/what's normal/what's not. For them, it can seem a very long time seeing their beloved in pain... and what do males often do in this situation? They try to solve (well mine does anyway ). So i'm not saying that your hubby won't stand up for what you want, I'm sure he will - but if he was faced by a dr saying your bub was at risk if he doesn't act? what then? that's a tough place to be. My doula was the one who would slow it down, ask the questions - is this urgent, can we discuss for 5 mins etc.

:yeahthat:


And another thing, be sure to discuss any birth plans/options with your OB well in advance. You'll get a feel for how likely they'll be to push you to do something you don't want. If you can't reach agreement, perhaps he/she isn't the right caregiver for you.

[Mrs Jak]

Hi,

I guess before going in to labour I don't even think of drugs as an option for me, just because I feel better about not having them and we were set up to birth babies, so I try to just go with the flow. In saying that, I do have fairly short labours (under 3 hours) As far as I know, no-one can make you have pethadine or an epidural, so you should feel you have that much control at least.

If baby or myself were in danger and my Ob/carer said I needed a C-section or something else, I would trust her judgement, because I have complete faith in her. I did a bit of research before I went with her and she is very pro-natural delivery and active labour.

A calmbirth class is really helpful. I had midwife care first time and Ob 2nd and both have been positive experiences with no drugs or restriction on what positions I could deliver in etc.. Babies were both over 9lb and delivered without forceps or episiotomy etc..

Learn all that you can and write down any questions to ask your Ob before each appt. but also trust in yourself and be aware that you can get overloaded with info and other peoples negative experiences.

[kungfubecca]

me!

My hubby was there and I was glad he was, just because and so i could get him to get me drinks etc,
he's a good guy, and he means well, but really he doesn't quite get the best spot to rub etc, and it's hard to explain when your transitioning.
the midwives were good too because my hubby is a big enabler and spoke to softly and gently to encourage me, I need a firm hand and the midwives loudly and strongly telling me to slow my breathing actually got through to me.

drgs, I wanted to do it with as few as possible. first time I used the gas properly and as directed, second time I couldn't concentrate on the gas and used it to bite the tube instead, so less drugs

But in the end, it was me!! I did it! little old me had a natural labour that is not a task everyone achieves without assistance. I don't have many talents, but when i'm feeling crap I just remind myself how good I am at having babies