What is the perfect age gap???

[~Stoked~]

As you can tell by my ticker, my bub is 5.5 weeks old. Since he was about 3 weeks old i have had the burning desire to have another baby!!!

As there is a ten year age gap between my kids i would like to have the next one fairly soon so Archie does not feel like an "only" child, as DD was for so long. DD will be off doing her own thing by the time he is ready for a playmate! DD used to get very bored having no one to play with so i don't want to put Archie through the same thing.

In your opinion what is the perfect age gap?? My mum had two a year apart and said that was extremely hard.. What are your opinions?

Thanks!!!
x

[Arimeh]

I think there is no perfect one. If you wait until they are 5 you have to deal with school pickups.

If you wait till they are three, you get the "threenager" - and I can tell you - its frustrating.

If you wait till they are 2, they still need your attention and don't quite understand "shhh I'm putting the baby to sleep"...

So yes, pros and cons for every age gap.

I can tell you that I liked the 19 month age gap between DS and DD1. 16 months is still a bit too little, and 3 years is a nightmare. Or maybe thats just my 3 year old? LOL

[Mummato2]

It's the gap that suits you and you feel you can cope with.

My mother had a 13 month age gap between my brother and I because she left having kids til later - she said it was extremely hard, but I have to admit there is a LOT of animosity between the 2 of us and I haven't spoken with him in more than 6 years.

School was hard because there was one grade between us - we were always in each others pockets without wanting to be.

We are having a 23 month gap between my two because I have PCOS and that's the way it worked out. I wanted only 2 kids and ideally we wanted a 2 year gap (which we got) but we had losses in the middle.

2 years will be hard in the initial stages, but I figured they are still close enough in age we get all the hard stuff over with relatively early, there's enough of a gap in school for them and I got 2 years with Cooper at home before his sister comes along and I'll have another 2 years with my daughter when Cooper goes to school - so lots of good time with both....

FWIW - I has clucky wanting another almost straight away and when Coops was 2 months old we fell pregnant again

[ladybird11]

I totally agree with Arimeh.

There is no perfect age gap - just whatever you feel comfortable and at ease with.

Good luck hun.

[~Stoked~]

Thanks for your replies!

Definately something to have a good, long think about..........

[~MummaBear~]

i agree that there is no perfect age gap... i have 21 months between my Ds's and 21 months between Ds and dd there are some hard bits but its not all bad!!! wea re trying again now and there will be at least 3 years between them....
good luck with your decision!!!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I would say... whatever age gap I end up having between my children. LOL.

In reality, the only two gaps am aiming to avoid are 26 months and 17 years. There are 26 months between me and my sister. You can't blame the age gap for everything, but I'm not taking the chance that you can.

[Fleur]

It's the gap that suits you and you feel you can cope with.

:yeahthat:

I have gaps of 2 1/2 years, 4 1/2 years and 7 years, so a bit bigger than most.
This last has been my favourite (so many helpers!!) but it doesn't sound like that what you're after .
2 1/2 years was good too although I found it hard while I was PG chasing after a toddler

I think all you can do is think about a few things & then decide what will work for you, eg - sleeping - do you want your eldest settled in a good sleep routine or are you not bothered by getting up at night - toilet training - do you want two in nappies at once - that kind of thing.
For some people a close age gap is a bit much, for others it works out very well.

FWIW - if I'd had my way I would have had all 4 much closer together - but life doesn't work out like that & I'm very happy with the gaps I have now

[NaeNae]

I have been wondering the same thing actually so its great to read so many replies.

We have friends with different gaps. One friends has her two boys I think 12-15 months apart but she wanted her children close together int he hopes they will ahve a close relationship like her and her older sister.

Other friends have a 2yo and are not thinking about a second yet and another friend has a 15month old and again not thinking of another.

Personally I am in two minds.

DD is 2 months old and i am only just starting to really cope, I would have been a disaster waiting to happen if DH wasn't round the first month - 6 weeks. I would dearly love to have two close in age in the hopes they would have a great relationship. BUT at the same time - it took us so long to have a term pregnancy and DD I want to really enjoy having her and spending time with just her.
Then I flip again and think if we have another while dd is still quite young then maybe she won't get so use to being "the only one" IYKWIM.

My problem is also that DH only wants 2 kids so my next pregnancy (hopefully) will be my last and I am not ready to have my last pregnancy (I secretly want 4 kids )

Its so hard isn't it - good thing I have started renovations again to distract me we cannot fall pregnant until they are finished .

Nae x

[didispunk]

I agree.. No perfect age gap. BUT my pros of having them close are.

You have baby stuff already around so no need to find, rebuy pack up etc as you already have it.
You are busy but wiht 2 at the same time.. and once they get older things get easier,
My DD and DS are 19 months apart and DS loves his little sis to pieces they share a room and cannot get enough of each other.

Cons, Financially can be hard on families,
You are getting 2 kids into car seats..
You are maybe waking to 2 kids at night.

I have made a pact with myself to only ever have 1 kid in nappies at a time.. and i have done just that!

[Melbournemumma]

My DS is almost 7 months old and DH and I have just started TTC. Not putting pressure on ourselves, but I've stopped taking the pill and we're just letting nature take it's course. DTD lots and enjoying the time we have with our little man. We always wanted our kids close in age so we're hoping that DS is between 18month and 2 years when we have the next. But as others have said, you do what's best for you

Good luck with you decision

[~me~]

Hi

As you can see from ticker I have 3kids 3yrs apart. I find the 3yr age gap pretty perfect if there is such a thing. Usally by the age of the 3 they are reasonably independent and possibly toilet trained. I can on a certain level reason with my DS2 when I need to feed Tess or tend to her for some reason or the other and he is also willing to help out. And my DS1 is a great help when Tess needs someone's attention as he will go to her to see what he can do.

Yep it can get pretty tough around creche and school pick ups, I find Tess just goes with the flow..she doesn't have much choice. Babies are very adaptable so whatever decision you make it will be the right one.

Good luck with whatever you or mother nature decide in the end

[Ginger]

I don't think there is a perfect gap, it's just what works for you. my two boys are 16 months apart and although it was very hard for the first 4 months or so, it is fantastic and we are really enjoyinging having two so close. i think a great age gap is between 16 and 20 months. ds1 coped really well when ds2 came along, but i think if he'd come along now (while ds1 is 2.5yrs old) it may have been a different story.

[mrsmac]

There has been many thread about this on BB as its a common question and really it all boils down to what is best for you.
My ages gaps have been great for me, I love it while some people would be horrified, as I prob would be if I had 3 under 3 LOL
I think everyone adjusts to the gaps they have.

[Snacks]

All I am going to suggest is that you go with your gut. Do what feels right. I always thought I'd have a bigger gap than we do, but I changed my mind after a family holiday last year. We used to do big camping trips and DH lives for these. I decided that I was unhappy taking children under 3 years old on these trips, so we decided to have our kids closer together so that we could start taking the holidays again.
I wish I hadn't made that decision. I love my girls, but am finding having them this close together really difficult. I wish we had've waited until they were 4 years apart.