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Thread: Why do people always say.........

  1. #1

    Default Why do people always say.........

    Your going to have you hands full and why are you having them so close together ?
    Does anyone else get this said to them ?

    Everytime i say to someone i am pg again that is all i get said to me. Yes i am going to have 3 kids under the age of 4 as Kimberley just turns 4 after this one is born.
    Also with my age i wanted to have them before i was 38. We did want 4 but with all that we have been through with this one the only way we will have another is if i fall pg by accident.
    If i was 5 years younger then we would have waited.


  2. #2

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    Michelle, it's one of those things that people comment on just for the sake of commenting I think. But really, if they stopped and thought for a minute, they would realise why you are having them close together =) I fully expect to get similar comments if and when we are lucky to have another one ourselves.

    Of course the advantage is that when they are all close in age and grow up together, there is a special kind of closeness between them. They go through things at almost the same time. We have both situations in our family ... two girls close together and one boy some years later. I love him to bits but we are almost different generations, whereas my sister and I have a lot of shared memories and other experiences that make for a close relationship later in life.

  3. #3
    tiggy Guest

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    Michelle, I get this ALL the time and that is only when I have the twins with me! Imagine if they saw the WHOLE brood!

    I hate it!
    The best thing anyone ever said to me after they counted 7 kids, was Oh what wonderful birthdays and Christmases you would have! I though that was great.

  4. #4

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    I'm TTC #2 now and my dd turns 1 in two days...i'm already getting ready for those comments, esp from the IL's...but if it happens i'm just gonna say "well u managed with and 18month difference between ur boys" and hopefully that'll be the end of it!

  5. #5

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    There is a 7 year age gap between me and my brother. We have never been close and i haven't spoke to my brother in 6 years thanks to his now wife.
    DH has about the same between his brother and 11 years between his sister. They are not close at all even when we lived in the UK.

    I guess that's why i also wanted my kids so close.
    What upsets me the most is when a family member says it. Paul's gran did to his cousin the other day and she had to tell her a few things she didn't know but with his nan a lot of it is old age.

  6. #6

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    Yes, I got the comments too. Never by family or friends but just people in the street. Lindsay was only 3 & 4 months when Paige was born and I really don't see what the drama is in having them when we did. Yes, there may of been times when I felt overwhelmed, but I'm the one who has to raise them, not those people.

  7. #7

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    I get the same thing. There will be 20 months between mine. I also constantly get asked what support I will have. I am also older and didn't want to wait any longer, but also there was 3 years between me and my sister and then another 3 1/2 years between her and my other sister. I have always found this gap was too large for us to be close and wanted to have mine closer together. I am sure if we had a bigger gap people would comment on that too, I think you just can't win!

  8. #8
    angelfish Guest

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    Whenever people say things like "they must keep you busy" I take it as a positive comment, because the person is giving recognition that being a mum is a challenging, time-consuming and important job. I'm sure that most people mean these things as a compliment, not a judgement on how many children you choose to have and how you decide to space them. But obviously lots of people find it rude, so I will be careful not to say this sort of thing in future.

  9. #9

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    When we finally get pregnant and safely deliver a baby, any subsequent pregnancy will be ASAP. I would love 3 babies (which will make it 4 including Caitlyn) and I am running out of time to leave a couple of years between each (lets face it, I'm running out of time to get one live one ). If you leave *too long* a gap, people comment. If you have them close together, people comment. You can't win either way so ignore them and know you are blessed to have them, whatever their spacing.

  10. #10

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    Hi,

    I would say i get this comment on pretty much a daily basis. It just washes over me now and i just smile and say "Yeah"

    I am expecting baby #5 in November and my eldest will be 6 when the baby is born. I love the way ive had my kids and i dont know life any differently, so while it may look like hard work to many, to me its just the way things are, i wouldnt change a thing.

    I love it when i go out with only a few of the kids and get comments and then i say "Oh theres another 1 or 2 at home" lol that always spins people out.

    I think sometimes people just are trying to make conversation. Its just the same as everyone that keeps saying to me that this baby HAS to be a boy ( I have 3 girls and 1 boy right now) for my son's sake. Well why? Is what i ask. But its just a comment that people can make. My son will not suffer if i have another girl, if anything he will be more spoilt.

  11. #11

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    Taz's guide to thoughtless people.....

    Thoughtless people are just a fact of life, mostly they don't mean to be hurtful they just don't engage their brains before opening their mouths. This is usually a condition associated with older people, but occasionally with people your own age who have that annoying condition known as "perfection in their own minds" this usually is shown by making comments that reflects their view that what they have done is right and if anyone does anything differently they are wrong. Often thoughtless people turn out to be those we are related to you and slot into the "should know better" category. Thougtless people are usually best ignored, or if you are in the mood it can lighten your day to have a sharp comment to throw back at them such as, no i'm going back to work full time it will be the nanny who will have her hands full, the facial expression on the thoughtless person after a comment like that should be enough to weaken your already weak baldder. Should the thoughtless person be a close relative it can be handy to point out that yes you will be busy and most probably too busy to see much of them for the next 16years.


    Taz

  12. #12
    tiggy Guest

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    LOL Taz!
    What a crack up!

  13. #13
    perthmum Guest

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    There is 14 months between my sister and me, and I love it! We are very close and have always been there for each other.

    I always planned on having my kids as close together as possible but because I got sick after having Blake, we had to wait longer than planned. We are now ttc #2 so the gap will be around 2 1/2 to 3 years.

    My DH has a 15 year gap between him and his brother, which he hates!!

  14. #14
    Kirsty77 Guest

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    I get it all the time to. And the 'oh you must be keen having them so close'.

  15. #15

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    Yep, i get it alot too. There is 2yr & 28 days between the boys & there will be 2yrs & 2 months between Glenn & this little bubba.
    If (likely) there is a 4th I would like the same sort of age gap. No more then 3 years at the most.

  16. #16

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    omg, I think people just feel the need to comment full stop. Because I bet if you had've had your children further apart, people would say tsk tsk, they won't play well together you know.

    I think it's fabulous your kids are so close in age

  17. #17
    MUMMY4LIFE is offline .: ~ Don't regret anything that ever made you smile ~ :.

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    Why can't people just say 'oh, congratulations', and leave it at that. Comments like that are just negative, and having a baby is such a positive, wonderful experience....No body really has the right to say stuff like that.

  18. #18

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    I think in many ways it would be a very positive thing to have closely spaced babies but it must be awfully hard work when your 18 month old is having a case of the crankies and your newbown needs a feed NOW!!

    When I was working as a nanny, I looked after a boy and girl with 20 months between them and they were a great pair. Sometimes I would also look after a friend of the mum's baby as well at the same time who was about way between the 2 ages so the mums could do stuff together and that was really hard work! I pride myself on a number of occasions for getting a 1, 2 and 3 year old to take their afternoon nap at the same time and actually getting some time to sit down ---I'd go bananas if I tried it on a fulltime basis though. Then add on top of that the being pregnant, breastfeeding, nights...urgh...I think spacing is sounding better by the moment!

    I'm all of 6 weeks into my first pregnancy now and we haven't even really talked about number 2 yet but I'm guessing I'd like to try for number 2 when number 1 is between 12 and 18 months. I think by then I will have stopped breastfeeding (I have it all planned out don't I!) and will have been back at work for a while. In Sweden you get 12 months of paid maternity leave at 80% of your salary from before you went off. If you're too unwell to work whilst you're pregnant, the g'ment foots your salary so you can stay at home and take it easy....I'm going off topic now...OOPS! -preggo brains!

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