A trip to go see my MIL (to-be!) is looming and I'm a bit worried.
Last time DP and I went to see MIL and her partner Rob I was 4 weeks preg and Rob smoked around me.
I'm worried because I know that they smoke in their house and I don't want to go see them if they're not going to respect me. Bubs has enough problems with the Gastroschisis, Oligohydramios, and low weight without adding secondhand smoke to it!
I know that DP will want to see them as soon as bub's is out of the hospital, but I'm so worried that he'll get sick from the smoke.
Knowing that bub is going to be in the neonatal unit for about a month after birth, I know that MIL will want to see him/her.
How do I tell her nicely that no-one except for DP and I will be holding bubs? I don't want to risk infection. The smoke will still be on their clothes...
I know that the typical excuses will come up. MIL smoked while preg with DP.
I know I sound paranoid, but I don't want anything else to go wrong with bubs.
You know what, you have every right for concern & I would be upfront & express those concerns with your MIL. BUT unfortunately if they smoke in the house, even if they smoke outside while you are there, you will still be exposed to the years of yuk that has built up in the house.
I wouldn't go LOL. Is it s visit? or a stay? Could your visit maybe happen at a park? If not, just do your best to spend as much time outdoors as possible & stand your ground on the no smoking around you or your baby. If they feel it is there right to smoke in their home (which I guess it is) but can't see the lack of the respect that shows then just leave the room/house when they do it. Its a hard one & hope they can be understanding enough.
Couldn't have said it better - meet in a public place, stay somewhere else and don't let her or her partner hold bub. I hope your DP will support you on this issue; I know my MIL doesn't listen to me!
When I was pregnant with DD1 FIL was a very heavy smoker. I commented when I was pregnant that I could smell it when I was in their house and then told DH that I wouldn't take DD1 to their house if he continued to smoke. DH spoke to his mum and the next time we went there FIL had quit smoking and hasn't smoked a singel ciggarette since
I was lucky that my MIL understands that I was very concerned about the health risks and they made a change for the better. So asking outright sometimes does have a great result.
To answer *efjay*, we would be staying with them. If I told DP that we weren't staying because of the smoke, I would still have to endure being at the house with them all day and only staying in a motel at night.
My MIL (who is a stubborn cow!) smokes and we had this issue when my DD was born. Not only at her house... but mine too and DH and I don't smoke! Easy enough to manage at my house - 'put your cigarette out, you CAN NOT smoke in my house'. Much harder to deal with at her house. I asked her nicely if she would mind not smoking PLEASE when we were visiting and I explained to her all the risks to DD by being exposed to smoke. Her response was 'It's my house and I'll do as I please'. My DH has never stood up to his mother and pussy footed around the issue. I used to take my DD outside when MIL smoked and fume with anger and resentment.
One day, my MIL was HOLDING my DD when she lit up a cigarette (at her house). I took my DD from her and said ' I've asked you not to smoke around her and you stand there and light up a fag while you're holding her? Who do you think you are?' Her response, 'I'm the lady of this house (yep... seriously) and I will do as I please'. So I responded with, ' and I'm her mother and I'll do as I please. DH, your mother can choose to smoke in her own home - I can choose not to bring my DD here. I'm leaving... are you coming?' DH quickly packed up our stuff whilst I flounced off to the car... and I refused to go back there for several months - until DH dealt with her mother and she agreed to only smoke outside if we were visiting. She's still a stubborn cow and I visit as rarely as I can, the house stinks like an ashtray. Anyway... you can't make Rob stop smoking in his own home, but you CAN refuse to visit their house or to allow him to hold your bub if he does smoke. And I agree with the PP's - you need to get your DH on board NOW on this issue.
AS for no one holding your bub in the NICU or SCN, get the MW's on side early, tell them what you want and they can deal with any visitor's so that you can focus on your bub.
My Nan smokes BUT she is more than happy NOT TOO even in her own home when people visit.
We let her know in advance that we are coming so she starts smoking outside say a week before, makes sure the house is Vac'd and dusted, washes her hands and brushes her teeth before we get there.. i'm almost certain she changes her clothes too.
I would strongly advise that you mention to MIL the issues with bub, mention that bub will be very sensitive to smoke etc and for that reason when he/she is born only parents will be allowed to nurse or touch him/her (lie and say hosp rules).
Also mention that once out of hospital the Dr's have told you to be very careful, bub is NOT to be around smoke or other 'allregins' (prob more believable if it's not JUST smoking KWIM) and should they want to visit they will need to be wearing clean clothes and cannot smoke near him/her.
Not suer if that will help, just mention you have bubs best interests at heart and these are the rules.
I remember the midwife having pamphlets and brochure about the effects of secondhand smoke on baby. I would perhaps arm yourself with these and give them to your MIL and tell her that you just don't feel comfortable unless she can follow your guidlines (ie, changing clothes and washing hand etc).
The big thing is you need to get you DH on side with this issue, so you can provide a united front. It is his mum, so he needs to bear the responsibility of handling her, so to speak.
Worried about MIL smoking around me and bubs
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