Would it be rude

[jaspen]

not to tell anybody that I'm pregnant unless necessary!!!

I have this almighty urge that if we are pregnant again not to tell anybody IRL (ie friends and family) unless a) they ask once its obvious or work it out for themselves b) or it is necessary because we need support for the family (eg so sick need someone to help with kids or whatever).

I don't really know my true reasons behind this as to whether its because I'm feeling very used by people lately and feel they won't be truly happy for us anyway, don't want to cop the flack and associated comments about having more or I just want something special for our family to share for as long as possible. I think its a mixture of all of these things in reality but was just interested on others opinions.

[Teeki]

Hey jaspen, I think it's perfectly reasonable not to tell anyone until you feel happy to. I know when I'm pregnant I don't want to tell anyone til we've had our 12 week scan, I want to make sure everything's ok. And as for people you don't consider friends, or don't need to know, I don't see any reason to specifically seek them out and tell them - if they're not going to care, why bother? As for close friends and family though, I'd be telling them. I was in the situation where a really close friend of mine let her entire circle of friends find out by rumours. It wasn't a nice way to find out, and kind of made it seem as though she didn't care about us, you know? That's just my thoughts though.

I hope if you do tell people they are genuinely happy and there for you, you don't need unsupportive people around at a time like that

[Mrs Jak]

It would be strange to me if a friend or family member didn't mention anything about their pregnancy once they got past say, 20 weeks or if it was really obvious that they were and they didn't say anything.

Are you fairly early on? Maybe you'll feel different in the coming weeks and want to shout it from the roof tops? I remember feeling pretty ordinary early on.

I know someone who was very obviously pregnant and didn't say anything to anyone because they had fairly recently lost their premmie baby and it must have been hard for her to feel positive about her new pregnancy.

But, you could always see how long you could go before telling anyone? It's really your choice

[jaspen]

Thanks ladies you are certainly giving me the reality check I needed to be able to see it from the other side - I'm not even UTD yet but we are planning on TTC and am just a bit annoyed with most family and friends at the moment and their complete lack of interest in our family unless they need something so that is probably the reason behind what my rational brain says is probably a very selfish thing to do.

[Teeki]

Understandable for you to be annoyed if you're just being taken for granted. I like to think though that if they found out you were pregnant they'd be happy sbout it and their mood would change - I hope anyway! And if they're not, then they know anyway and you can move on to better people who are more supportive. Good luck

[MrsFabuloso]

I don't think it would be rude at all. It is your pg and if you and your DH don't want to tell people for a while, then it's noone's business but yours.

Though when you do start to tell people, maybe go into it with some good comeback lines, lol! I am pg with #3 and even I have been getting smarty pants comments. I usually just let it go, but sometimes wehn it gets too much, I will give back just as good!

[briggsy's girl]

from my understanding, in some religions, pregnancy simply isn't discussed - so obviously it happens! i think it's entirely up to you how you go about sharing your news - and, more importantly, WHEN. we shouted from the rooftops when i was finally pg with DD - but we'd been through a lot to get there - i *think* if we were to have a natural miracle now (we won't go through IUI/IVF again) - we would keep it close for as long as possible. i don't think anyone NEEDS to know you're pregnant unless that pregnancy directly impacts them (ie - unable to work due to pg etc).

if you are pregnant and you don't want to tell people, don't. but don't hold off sharing your enjoyment for fear of what others will say either - ultimately, any child is a miracle and anyone who doesn't get that isn't worth listening to!

[Visitor7]

My dh's best friend didn't tell anyone that his wife was pregnant until around 20 or weeks. And even then, he didn't make a huge announcement, it was more like a mention of it in a phone conversation. But we'd expect that of them, they're very private people. So no, I don't think it's rude or anything. Each to their own.

[Traveller]

Last time I didn't tell anyone in my family that I was pregnant until 17 weeks (I was going to see them at 19 weeks and thought it would be awesome to shock them with my big belly but DH accidentally mentioned it to my mum beforehand). I also have a friend who never mentions she is pregnant until her belly is too big to deny it, and I don't think she is rude, just private. It is your own decision, lease don't feel under any obligation to tell people before you are ready.

T
xx

[Mrs Jak]

Thanks ladies you are certainly giving me the reality check I needed to be able to see it from the other side - I'm not even UTD yet but we are planning on TTC and am just a bit annoyed with most family and friends at the moment and their complete lack of interest in our family unless they need something so that is probably the reason behind what my rational brain says is probably a very selfish thing to do.

Just wanted to let you know that I totally understand how you feel and where you're coming from.

I've been let down by family in the past and felt (& still feel for some) that they didn't deserve to enjoy our excitement, especially only when it suits them.

xoxo