The reason i am asking this question is because my Mum said something to me a few weeks ago and it has been really bugging me since.. even enough for me to bring it back up with her again today.. i really wish i hadnt though cos she annoyed the hell out of me!
Ok it was Australia Day and mum and her partner had a bbq at their place with about 10 of their friends.. there were a few of us youngens also there relaxing and swimming in their pool etc. At the end of the day Mum came up to me had a bit of a (fake) giggle and said 'oh how times have changed.. theres no way a pregnant person wld have been caught dead showing their stomachs in public in my day...' I was a little shocked at what she was getting at that by the time i had found my tongue she was off talking to someone else.. and it wasnt mentioned again.
The reason she made this comment was because i put my bikini on to go for a swim.. mind u.. i still wore my little pair of boardies to cover my white cellulitey thighs which i thought wld be a lot more offensive then a beautiful pregnant tum tum! Obviously not!!
Fast forward to today.. i thought i wld bring it up again and find out WHY seeing a pregnant tummy was so offensive in 'her day' .... was it seen as 'dirty' or something?!
Her answer was 'hmmm no no no.. i guess it was more considered 'vulgar'... and with a little more thought she added 'if a lady was to get around bearing her stomach for all to see ppl wld probably just think she was too poor to be able to afford maternity wear' She then compared it to 'seeing a heavier person walking around with love handles hanging out of her clothes.. it just doesnt look nice does it?'
WTF??!
Ok my mum is only 54 yrs old so shes not exactly some old fashioned granny (altho i dont think my own grandmother wld be this 'snobbish' if she were still alive!)
Do you girls see where she is coming from at all?? Please be honest with me, i wont take offense if u agree with her! Maybe u can help me to understand her thinking!
I just want to add... i am not someone that always has my tummy showing.. (dont get me wrong tho I absolutely LOVE being pregnant and i do normally wear boob tubes etc at home with my tummy poking out.. i might even mow the lawn like this occassionally.. oh shock horror!) But when i leave the house i always wear nice floaty tops over my nicely growing tum.. but i just thought if ur going to go for a swim u wear what u have always worn.. I didnt think it was necessary to go out and buy a maternity swim suit to cover my 'vulgar' stomach! .. the thought had never even crossed my mind!
Ive just been getting angrier and angrier all day thinking about it.. i can just imagine her feeing like she had to excuse my 'inappropriate attire' to all her friends all day.. like i was a big embarrassment!
Anyway enough ranting and raving.. pls let me know what u girls think! Maybe even ask ur Mums for their opinions..!
Nothing wrong with it at all In fact, when I was pg with Oskar we had a pool and I used to swim in my bikini all the time! I used to sit around my house and in my yard with the towel around my bottom half and bikini top cos it was hot and I LOVED looking at and seeing my belly YOU GO FOR IT!!
BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
Jun 2004
The Festival State
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i agree with "wear what you usally wear".
i have NEVER in my whole life, worn a bikini (due to body image stuff - my mum put me down about my body my entire life). So when pregnant, i went and bought a maternity tankini - which is the closest i have ever gotten to wearing a bikini - i had a weekly pregnancy hydrotherapy class to go to - felt great in it.
but if i was normally a wearer of bikinis, then i would have worn similar to what you are wearing to swim in.
Every time i go to a public swimming pool/beach now, i see pregnant women in all sorts of swimwear, including bikinis, so i think what you're doing sounds very normal.
I do think back in your mum's day, there was a huge societal pressure for women not even to be seen in public, whilst pregnant or breastfeeding. I wonder if that generation are a bit jealous, that it's very acceptable for pregnant women to be seen in society now, and in fact, embraced. e.g if you're feeling fit and well, carry on as normal.
your mum sounds like the one with an issue, and a bit out of touch with what is happening these days. i'm 10 years younger than your mum.
she seems to have the attitude of "hide the bump", whereas now - it's really "do what you feel comfortable doing". Most maternity fashion celebrates the bump, rather than hides it (now). I wore loose stuff, cos i wear loose stuff when NOT pregnant. i know plenty who wore firm fitting clothing, cos that's what they normally wear. (and i prolly would have too, if not brainwashed - by my mum - how awful my body was - as a teen - which stays with me now.
i went thru pregnancy and having a newborn - without a mother in my life - sometimes i have read and heard alot about grandmothers saying things that really upset new mums (like you) and it makes me think, maybe going thru all this WITHOUT my mum on board, has had some advantages.
i hope this comment of your mum's, is in the minority, and that most of the time she is supportive of your pregnancy.
My mum is a little old fashioned in this sense as well. I think if I was around other people I would prob wear a bikini top over my belly with my bikini top underneath but thats because I dont like showing my tummy off normally. I think if I was just around family mum wouldnt bat an eyelid but I think if I was around other people she would prefer me to a little more covered up. Not because its 'dirty or vulgar' just so I didnt make other people feel uncomfortable.
Ozzie- Glad im not the only one that loves looking at my tummy! haha. I think thats part the reason why im happy to wear little clothing covering my top-half at home these days.. cos it is so stinking hot! If it was cold trust me u wldnt see me 'flaunting' my tummy around the place!
Gigi- U made me a little sad reading ur post and the issues ur mum gave u about ur body I really hope u can see just how beautiful u are now! I think as awful as it is not to have a Mother.. it wld have been a lot more awful having to try and deal with someone like that whilst starting ur own family etc.
U also had a good point which has got me thinking.. that back in mums day there was probably pressure for women never to be seen bfing in public.. now what happens when i have this baby and its hungry and I need to feed it but Mum isnt comfortable with me doing so because she might have friends there or something.. (i dont think i will be a huge public b/fer anyway.. i am quite prudish when it comes to showing 'private bits'.. altho i have heard prudishness goes out the window once u have had a baby!) I always thought my mum didnt mind this kind of stuff.. gosh all ive ever heard is that she never wore bras and went skinny dipping etc' Her comments have definitely got me thinking now tho! Thanku so much for ur input!
Amy- Do u mean ppl wld feel uncomfortable if someone was just generally showing off their tummy in public or that they were showing their pregnant tummy?? Do u think ppl do actually get uncomfortable when they see a bare pg tummy poking out?? Ive just never thought about it.. i guess cos im on the whole pregnancy is such a beautiful thing and shld be embraced tangent!! haha
Taurean- I actually had to upgrade to a bigger sized bikini haha
Yeah i dont think my mum meant to be nasty when she said it.. i think she was just pointing it out.. but i still know that she wld have definitely felt the need to apologise to her friends or make some little comment so they knew she didnt 'agree' with it..!
Im definitely going to have to go thru her old photos and see if i can find some pregnant ones of her.. it will be very interesting to see how she was dressed! She can be such a hypocryte in her normal everyday life tho that it wldnt surprise me if i find one of her in next to nothing with a big tummy poking out! haha
Isn't it good we live in an age where we can show our bellies with pride
I would wear a bikini top and board shorts if I went swimming...and I wore it proudly!
I think a preggie belly is gorgeous and I think there is nothing wrong with showing it off.
Sorry your mum reacted the way she did
You know, I got a whole lot of maternity clothes from my sister, and she was saying that between her first pregnancy (baby born Jan 01) and her second (baby born Nov 03) the 'fashion' changed heaps - with the first, it was all about flowing clothes and extra material around the belly area, and with the second baby, there was a lot of shaped/fitted stuff. Basically it changed from being able to fit into something, to showing off your belly.
I'm not a big bikini fan, but I think it's fine to wear one when you're pregnant, if that's what you normally wear! I guess if you're 40 weeks and have loads of stretch marks or something, it might freak people out a bit?!
idk, my mum says stuff occasionally about my body but I know she's suffered with weight problems for years, and I think it's more about her than it is about me. Actually, pretty much all her judgements are like that LOL That's not to say we don't get along, but my lightbulb moment was realising that when she talks about what I should and shouldn't do with regards to weight, or age gaps between children, or parenting and birth are a lot to do with her own experiences and less to do with mine, iywkim.
Don't worry about it - it might be just that she felt a bit uncomfortable because she finds it confronting, so again, that's about her. Fashion changes and sometimes it's not to people's tastes (and she's probably right... in her day it wouldn't have been acceptable, but in this day, it is!!)
Nope don't see her way of thinking at all. Times have most definitely changed because I think it's beautiful & plenty of women I know wear a bikini when pregnant. My mum must have been really outrageous, she is 52 & there's a photo of her at the beach in her bikini when she was pregnant with me. A pregnant belly is a beautiful thing, wear it proudly
OK STOP getting angry. There is no point and it is not worth raising you blood pressure over.
You mum is right, in HER day that was the case. Guess what, it's not HER day anymore, it's OUR day. Go and flaunt that belly. When my folks come out with something like that, I am very quick to remind them we no longer live in the 'stone age'. I have seen alot of pregnant women at the beach and the pool in bikinis - I'm just jealous that I don't look good enough to pull it off.
Back in the day, anything less then a full head to toe swimsuit would have been deemed innapropriate even if you weren't pregnant.
Although I had a moment the other week with my younger sister, who beleives the g-string and sequined bra she wore on stage was a perfectly acceptable 'dance' costume. Personally, I would only agree if she were a stripper would it be an appropriate costume, and that a bikini breif would have been less skanky. Apparantly I am now an old prude, maybe I am, but if I am thinking it at 28yrs old, then I can garauntee you I'm not the only one.
Last edited by misty; February 15th, 2011 at 05:13 AM.
Nothing wrong with it all.. I love seeing a big pregnant belly. I personally find them beautiful (not in a creepy way lol)
My mum has said something like that before when she saw a preg woman walking through the shops with part of her belly showing. I said to mum isn't it nice though that we can proudly show off something like that without people feeling ashamed?
and for the record.. I saw a woman at the pool last month with the biggest pregnant belly and all she had on was a bikini.. no shorts either. skinny so and so she looked fantastic..
I think the pregnancy belly is the most beautiful thing! Looking at the facts you were swimming! So naturally a bikini is very fitting for the occasion plus you are 24 (I'm same age) and I plan to wear my bikini's pregnant or not so let it all out baby
I can't see why you should feel uncomfortable because you were just chilling out in the pool and if your mum said this in regard to being embarrassed in front of her friends then maybe see should not care what anyone else thinks and happy you were there to spend the day out having a relaxing swim.
Things have changed a lot since the 70's but that can be a good thing too. My mum is the same age and we both agree that if you are walking at woolies wearing a tank top, riding up over your belly, short shorts and crusty thongs then ok.....maybe should consider a different attire but in a pool on a hot day....go for it and be proud!
I definitely agree that it's a fairly recent thing that pregnant bellies are celebrated rather than hidden. I think it's very fashionable to wear a bikini whilst pregnant. It's very fashionable to be pregnant, LOL! I am of course of the opinion that bellies are lovely, as is breastfeeding, and wouldn't bat an eyelid at either being displayed in public (unless it was to get a bit reminiscent and sad that I won't be in that stage of life again).
I do understand though how you'd get cross with your mum, particularly if she was apologising or talking about you with her friends That would upset me more than her opinion on what I was wearing.
My mum was exactly the same when I was pregnant with DD.
I would never wear a bikini, except when I was pregnant I wore a bikini top and board shorts cause I LOVED my big belly!
i actually love getting my bikini on and showingmy tummy off, i have been very lucky not to get any stretch marks and i think my big round tummy looks lovely, even if noone else does....DH love it too. I actually got a bit of sun burn on the top the other day and thought i better put more sun cream on it next time
I have no idea that people thought like that, maybe its just your mum!! I say show that lovely belly off! its beautiful!
is your mum even saying she was offended or just talking about the difference between then and now? Because yes, until very recently, it WAS considered unacceptable to show off a pregnant belly. There was a huge hoo hah when some minor celebrity (might have been Nikki Buckley) carried on working on Sale of the Century and wore dresses that showed off rather than hid her belly.
Just ask her straight out whether she was offended rather than reading that into what she said.
Registered User
Was it wrong of me to wear bikinis??!
I really hope u can see just how beautiful u are now! I think as awful as it is not to have a Mother.. it wld have been a lot more awful having to try and deal with someone like that whilst starting ur own family etc.
haha
I have seen alot of pregnant women at the beach and the pool in bikinis - I'm just jealous that I don't look good enough to pull it off.
she looked fantastic..
That would upset me more than her opinion on what I was wearing.
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