I don't tend to come in here because my journey has not been as difficult as most. I was lucky enough to have narrowly missed having IVF with my 3rd and conceived naturally again with the bub I am currently pregnant with. It took us almost 3 yrs to conceive my 3rd (DH 2nd) and 27cycles to conceive this bub (with 5 losses in that time).

I think the only way LTTTC has impacted on my parenting is my anxiety is much worse than it was the first 2 times. The pregnancy, birth and parenting I am constantly worrying about death and injury. That's something I struggle with. DH thinks I spoilt our 3rd much more than the others which is true. Thats difficult. I wouldn't say she is my favorite but she definitely has a special place within me that the others don't share with me.

I don't like talking about my journey with many people. I've always been very private (didn't tell anyone I was pregnant with my first until they started guessing at 26weeks). Now as hardly anyone knew we were ttc people ask if this baby was planned. They almost fall over when I say Yes it took us 3 yrs to get to this point.

For me as I already had 2 children if I went back in time I would try not to get so upset about my journey. At the time it completely destroyed me. My depression was extreme and I spent over 2 years of my life in a living hell. When I look back now I realize how things could have been much better if I wasn't so focused and desperate to be pregnant. There was plenty of other things in my life I could have focused on or prioritized. It became my life including resigning from my midwifery job and hiding out in theatre with the unconscious. When ttc this time I was much more relaxed and I did except that another baby probably wouldn't come. I saw my life ahead with the family I had here and now not all the people that would be missing if I didn't hurry up and get pregnant. I would love another baby after this one and if it wasn't for multiple losses and taking approx a year to get pregnant each time (only to m/c and take another year to get a BFP again) I may very well of had another. We have accepted this is it and thank our lucky stars to have been blessed with a largish family after a few bumps in the road. I want to end out ttc journey on a happy note so DH will be having a vasectomy.