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Thread: Parenting after LTTTC #2

  1. #145

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    He's sleeping now - just. Trying to muster the motivation to move him to the cot and get myself some lunch.

    With regards to the PND index test thingy - I scored quite highly as well, but my doctor decided I didn't have PND, but I was just under a LOT of stress with various different life events. I suspect that I did actually have a mild case of it, but as I was already medicated for an anxiety disorder, all they would have down would have been increase the dose of the medication I was already taking. I do feel a lot better now, life has calmed down and I found it helped a lot to keep talking to people and keep focussed on the fact that everything I was feeling and experiencing was normal and that women before me had felt it, and women after me would feel it too. I think it does become especially hard after a long wait - without even realising it, parenthood can become something magical and the reality doesn't often live up to the dreams. Whose dreams included a screaming, puking baby that never sleeps? Simply having been through IVF does increase the chances that you will develop PND, but at this point I'd just keep an eye on things and not panic too much about it yet.

    BW


  2. #146

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    Farmgirl. It is really tough to admit to ourselves (never mind others) that we don't feel that we're coping too well. Having other things going on as well can only make things that much worse.

    It's a huge life change so give yourself time.

    Some days I also counted hanging out washing as getting out...

    As for achieving things, I felt the same in the early weeks, but I found over time as I saw DS grow and develop that everything I did with him - feed him, change him, whatever - was achieving something. Once I emerged from those first few months and found my feet a little I gained some perspective that really helped.

    Gotta go, must attempt nap time now

  3. #147

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    Quote Originally Posted by marcellus View Post
    Wow - some tricky logistics! Is the other clinic not so good, or you're just unsure about the move?

    I thought about changing clinics, but it seemed a bit daunting to up sticks like that so decided to try a different FS instead. He seems ok from our first meeting, so will see how we go.

    Heart vs brain - which will win...? In these matters I find it's generally the heart. You know if you have another baby, somehow or other everything will work out.

    I spoke too soon about A's sleep. He's back to needing company most of the night. sigh. Maybe it's the next lot of teeth.
    I think the clinic is ok...I've just heard a few people having some problems with them, which put both DH and I off them a bit... I know you hear good and bad about clinics, so maybe, I just need to keep remembering that...good and bad..
    As for the heart vs brain??? Somedays it's heart that i think will win, other days i think brain. We have been talking about saving from next year for a nice overseas holiday in about 4-5 years time. If we have another bub, then that puts that dream of for a few more years, by which time DD will be out of home, and I'd love to take her overseas before then, especially considering she will be old enough to appreciate and remember it all. DS will be old enough to not need nappies, we'll be past the toilet training etc... and hopefully in about 5 years he will also make a wonderful travelling companion. I keep thinking that we could maybe go back for #3 after an o/s trip? I'm 31 now, so would be trying again around 35-36yrs old, but with embryo's from when i was 29 It's the stamina I'm worried about. DS has me completley run down now, I can't imagine feeling like this in another 6+ years lol.
    How's the sleep going now at your place?

    Farmgirl - sending some hugs your way. I think we've all been standing where you are now...and some days still feel like we are. I like the others felt the same, and this was my 2nd child, you would've thought I knew what i had to do to get this little person to sleep! There were plenty of days where my DH would come home and I would sit on the verandah crying that i just didn't know what to do with DS, that he was driving me mad, i didnt know what to do with him anymore and finally that i thought i was depressed... you'd have these irrational thoughts...like why did i go through all this to have a baby who did nothing but scream unless he was in my arms, and i was standing with him. He hated me sitting!
    DH would remind me that I was suffering from a huge lack of sleep, which made me think irrationally, and made me less capable of dealing with things that normally wouldn't bother me.

    I think what BW has said is perfect. This parenting thing is a tough gig, and even me having a child already, it still couldn't prepare me for the new little person who did nothing but scream for most of the day.

  4. #148

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    FG - i didn't post yesterday cos i didn't know how to. your post really struck a chord with me - as much as i don't think i'm struggling as bad now as i was a month or two ago, i've really had to fight hard to overcome similar feelings. i don't think i have PND but i know i have depression and it has flared somewhat since DD's arrival. even more so the past few weeks with DH losing his job - but him losing his job means he is here to support me while i struggle, so it's something of a double edged sword.

    i hope you can find a way to get some help - whether it's counselling, AD's - or asking for help when you need it. i have found that, now that DD is more interactive, as much as i get the lows, talking to her and having her babble back, her smile - they make it a little easier to cope with the crappy days

    hugs hun

  5. #149

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    Hi Everyone

    FG: At least you are willing to admit that you are struggling with motherhood. I think it is a big reality shock for a lot of us LTTTC's. I know that I have found the whole not being in control thing hard to manage as we have always known what's next in our TTC journeys and now that our miracle bubs are here there is no knowing what happens next. Have you considered seeing a counsellor at all, even if it isn't PND sometimes it is just nice to talk to someone and get everything off your chest. You might find that will help.

    Well, we have been having a few unsettled days with feeding, my milk has all but gone now so Tara is formula fed 100% and it is playing havoc with her tummy. For the past couple of days we have had the most horrible vomits with it even coming out of her nose the force is so strong. So yesterday I had her on smaller and more frequent feeds to try and help her tummy adjust and also to keep the feed down. The only problem is that she was feeding every 1 1/2-2 hours and not getting much sleep in between and last night she was very unsettled after her feeds so only managed about 4 hours sleep in total. I'm hoping that today will be better and I'm going to try and get her from 3 hourly feeds to 4 hourly feeds if possible. 3 hourly feeds at night with a baby that takes 1 hour to feed isn't giving me much opportunity to get good sleep in between. Anyway, better go and get my washing out of the machine before Tara wakes up for her next feed.

    I hope everyone else is going well.

  6. #150

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    Hope your poor DD's tummy settles down soon Kelly. Maybe if you can manage frequent feeds during the day, you can push the night feeds further apart.

    The 3-4 week mark is often tough, even if you're not having issues with feeding. They just tend to get very unsettled at that age and it can last several weeks. Take care of yourself

    Nic - DS was the same about having to stand. Thank goodness he's finally grown out of that one - does the back in.
    Holidays or baby.... good luck making that decision. Maybe take the holiday and then see how you feel about another baby? By then I'm sure your DS will be sleeping really well and you'll be ready for another 3-4 years of sleep deprivation

  7. #151

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    Hello everyone...thanks so much for all the support - great group of girls I'm going to make another appointment to talk to the early motherhood people and get some more help.

    I am thinking that something has gone a bit wrong with society where the whole pg, birth and motherhood gig is so hard - we have really stuffed up as western socity I think, somewhere along the line...tribal living and raising of a family has a lot going for it! Anyway that is my wisdom for the day...

    BG - I'm sorry that your DH being around is under such stressful circumstances. Thanks for sharing your story - DH says that I've been a bit like this the whole time we have been doing IVF, so I wonder if I have PND, or if like you I'm suffering depression, or maybe no to either but just struggling. Not sure.

    Kelly - good luck with the transition onto the bottle - hope that Tara's belly starts to settle down soon and the feeds start to space out! I think that at this stage it is just survival - I know I was always waiting for the magical '6 wk' mark - but not sure I noticed much of a change in Archer - I think any change was gradual - so I'm not much help to you! Can your DH do one or two of the night feeds for you eg the first or last two so you can get a block of sleep? I know it is hard if DH is working, but we sort out before going to bed who will do which feed depending on how each of us feel and what is on for the next day. Are you making up the bottles before you got to bed and then just heating them up when you need them? - I know it only saves a few minutes, but those minutes all help!

    BW - as usual wonderful words of wisdom - thanks

    Lenny - I totally agree with you, no matter what people say, if your house being clean and your hair being done is important to you - not doing it just adds to the stress and the feelings of frustration! I guess it depends on what is important to you and what you are comfortable with...

    Nic - with you on the standing thing - osteo is making a fortune from me at the moment from all the lifting, putting back down, and bending backwards to counterbalance baby! Good luck working though the whole baby/holiday prob - there are so many ifs/buts and maybes that it is hard to plan that far out!

    Hello to anyone I've missed - sorry!

    Got to go and figure out why DS is crying rather than sleeping - I think he likes to substitute the two during the day

    FG

  8. #152

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    FG: I'm so happy that you are going to have a chat to someone, I think it is a good idea to sometimes let everything out to someone who is not so close to the situation (ie: DH) so they can be more objective.

    Re the feeding, yep I make up all her bottles before hand. I always make sure that I have almost a day's worth in the fridge every morning as Tara is not very patient waiting for her food. Generally DH will do the last night feed for me and then I do the middle of the night and depending on what time she wakes in the morning determines who will feed her, if it is about 7am DH feeds her any earlier or later then I do the feed so DH can get sleep or get ready for work. Although this week he has been no help to me as he has pulled some muscles in his back and shoulder and is in a lot of pain (although not as much as the couple of days after my c/s, but you can't tell him that) so he can't even pick Tara up at the moment. All he is able to do for me is to watch her in the morning while I have a shower and that's it. Hopefully it will start to get better soon as we have to do a big grocery shop on the weekend and he will need to do all the lifting etc. Anyway at least I know that Tara being on the bottle is working, she was weighed yesterday and has put on 300g in 9 days, so she now weighs 3.5kg .

  9. #153

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    You're absolutely right FG, there is something seriously amiss here! I won't bore you all with my theories, but I think that as a society we just don't value parenting.

    Good for you getting some help - I really hope that as things settle down and you get your confidence up as a mother that things will fall into place (bit by bit).

    Great weight gain Kelly!

  10. #154

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    on Tara's weight gain - that is great and I'm so glad that ff is working for you. Good luck with getting DH repaired!

  11. #155

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    Hi girls

    Like KellyD, I know some of you from the LTTTC preg forum, but now graduated to here! I hope to get to know you all well.

    Adam was born on the 20/10/2009 via emergency c, following 3 days of failed induction. He was a big baby, 4.47kg, and was posterior and not engaged at 40 +5 days. Anyway, my beautiful boy is here now.

    Everything is going well apart form the breast feeding. I thought I was soooo prepared for it, had done so much reading and spoken to many people etc etc and was very determined to do it for all the right reasons. However, the reality for me is that it is the most excruciating experience (nipples are black and nearly falling off). I have had heaps of education and advice, and he is latching on correctly, but we are not bonding through the experience. Every time I get the confidence to go back and try, 24 hours later I am needing to take pain relief just to get me through the day. So today's feeling is that I just can't do it, it is way too traumatic for me, along with the guilt associated with not being 'able' to do it. Luckily at the moment I have plenty of milk, so I am expressing madly and topping up with formula as needed.

    I have placated myself with DH's support, and know it is about survival at the end of the day. But I really wish the professionals would give you both sides of the story. In my other life, I am a breast cancer nurse counsellor, and I know from my patients point of view that they cope better when they get the good and the bad expectations so that reality is not so scary or unknown. I think the same applies here, I would have been more prepared had I known that women can have issues with the BF'ing. All I got told in hospital (even though they were fantastic) was that he wasn't latching properly....but he was. It's my nipples that's the problem.

    Anyway, that's my only gripe so far!

    Lovely to meet you all, and I will respond with personal's as I grasp the thread!

  12. #156

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    Hi Neptune!
    Oh your nipples - you poor thing! I don't know whether you want bf advice today, but sometimes it does start like that, and yeah, they don't tell you, hey? Only that it shouldn't hurt - but it bloody well does for some people! DS took 11 weeks to get the hang of latching on properly so I wasn't in pain - despite being assured by 3 different LCs that he was attaching beautifully and my technique was perfect. Nipple shields got me through.
    Anyway, expressing what you can in the meantime is a good compromise. You just do what feels right for you and your lovely little boy.

    Must go, DS is playing monkeys with his auntie. so cute.

  13. #157

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    Hi Everyone!

    Just found this thread and am hoping to join in and say hi. Thought I'd put a quick post and get the thread. Look forward to chatting with you all.

  14. #158

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    Hi Lily Dust!

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    Congrats Neptune and Lily Dust - on the birth of your babies!

    Neptune - do what you have to for you and the baby. I've sent you a PM, but your story sounds very familiar - except I did not have much milk! Dont feel guilty about what you are doing, and what you want to do in the future - I belive that the most important thing is a happy mum. I've tried everything over the past few months, and it was not until I made the decision to stop trying to fully BF and just go with what I could do, that I actually felt happy with my decision and started to look forward to feed time - bottle or boob! Now I only BF when I'm not in pain, I no longer express (took too much time and I was exhausted), and I ignor all the people that tell me that I should be doing something else as I now no longer want to throw my baby across the room when he latches on - and that can only be a good thing for the both of us!

    AFM - not much - drove DS up to Canberra on Monday for a funeral, and back yesterday. Poor little one was sick of his car seat by the end of the two days - not sure how it will go when I want to go into town this morning! He was really good though. Cant belive how hard it is to go on a road trip with just me and the baby - talk about a struggle! Oh well, we survived!

    Hope eveyone is surviving the heat!
    FG

  16. #160

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    Hi all,

    It has been ages since i have been in here, as you all know, the days just fly by with a little one!

    Welcome to the thread Kelly, Neptune and Lily Dust. Congratulations on the arrivals of your precious bundles.

    Neptune - you are doing a fantastic job! I agree with FG - just do what is right for you and your baby. My older sister gave me that advice before I had Jasmine and it has served me well. I was lucky that my MW's were supportive of whatever I wanted to do. Jasmine has been predominately BF, but it took a long time for my milk to come in, so I was having to give her formula top ups and express after every feed to get everything moving along. It was exhausting! The good thing about it is that she got used to taking a bottle as well as the breast right from an early age, so if I had really sore nipples (she chewed the corner of one of them that ended up leading to mastitis) I would just express and feed from the bottle and/or give her some formula. She is now such a flexible baby with her feeding both with milk and with solids. Look after yourself and do not run yourself into the ground. If your nipples are sore then don't push yourself. You know what is best for you and your baby and whatever decision you make re feeding now and into the future will be the right one.

    Kelly - I hope Tara is adjusting to the bottle ok. It is fantastic that you are seeing some weight gain.

    I am still trying to catch up on the thread, so please forgive the lack of other personals. Hello to all of you yummy mummys xxx

    AFM and Jasmine - we are doing really well. Jasmine is 7 months now and I just do not know where the time has gone. I look back at photos of when she was a newborn and just can't believe how much she has changed. She is such a little person now. She can sit on her own, she is rocking on her hands and knees trying to figure out how to crawl, she is moving in whatever way she can around the room (normally backwards), she is trying to pull herself up on things to stand, she talks (baby language) non-stop and is just the light of my life. I look at her every day in awe. I am so in love with her that I don't know how to put it into words. Sleep is still an issue for us (sorry to those with newborns - not trying to scare you!) Jasmine gets quite bad separation anxiety from me during the night, so will sleep fine when she is in bed with me, but does not want to sleep in her cot (even though it is right beside me). I am trying to get her used to her own cot and I know that it will happen eventually, but I just cannot use controlled crying. I know that every baby is different, and really this is the only issue that we have, and from my point of view it is not that big a deal. I was never somebody that needed a lot of sleep and fall back asleep quickly if my sleep is broken.

    Hope you are all well.

    Janie and Jasmine xxx

  17. #161

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    FG - I'm glad to hear that you're feeling good about feeding now. That makes life a lot easier. Wow at a single-handed roadtrip!

    Janie71 - it sounds like you both are doing really well! Glad to hear an update. that age is often bad for sleep - DS was the same, but he got over it after we shifted him from the cot to a mattress on the floor.

    He's finally sleeping quite well these days. Only one wakeup usually, and now four times he's slept all the way through the night!

    Gotta go, he needs reading to.

  18. #162

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    Like Janie, it has been a while since I have been here too!
    Congratulations to Lily Dust, Farmgirl and Kelly on your new arrivals!

    Neptune, I completely agree with you! I thought I was so prepared for breastfeeding. I went to an ABA education class, did lots of reading, joined the ABA and thought I knew everything I needed to and it would be perfect. I was in so much pain for the first month. I was tired of being told that if he was latched on properly it wouldn't hurt, and I was over different midwives in hospital doing things differently which made it harder. Things did improve after a visit at home from a LC, but I really don't think anything could have prepared me for how hard and painful it was going to be. I agree with everyone else - you do what you need to to get through. I hope the pain settles for you soon.

    FG, how many hours to canberra for you? DS isn't a fan of being in the car for long periods. Half an hour is about as much as he can handle! Occassionally I drive to my mums which is a bit over 2 hours away, and it's hard work just the two of us.

    Janie, lovely to hear from you I'm so happy to hear Jasmine is doing so well. We're going through sleep issues here too, so it definitely seems like this is the age it happens!

    We're going ok. I can't believe Noah is 7 months now. Time has flown. Apart from a few sleep issues, everything has been smooth sailing lately. He has two teeth through, we've started solids which he is enjoying (but creating so much extra washing and cleaning!). He has just started sitting up for short periods by himself, and he's a little chatter box! He has also started waving hello and good bye which is very cute! He gets very excited when someone waves at him and starts flapping his arm up and down! lol

    I must go. He has just woken from his nap and I need to get us ready as we're off to the mums and bubs movies session.

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