Nixon - we decided not to find out the sex at our 20 week scan. The sonographer will always ask you and if you say no, they will still look, but not make it obvious. I asked him at the end and he knew what sex we were having, but I still have no idea - so he was very good at not making it obvious to us.
As to why we made the decision - I had always thought that I would find out, but once I fell pregnant it became less and less important to me. With having been through IVF and everything being so planned and with no surprises, we decided that we wanted at least one surprise along the way. So that is what lead us to not finding out. My OB doesn't even know - he says he finds it really nice also when the parents find out on the birth day.
It is such a personal choice, but for us we are happy and excited to wait.
Hey I'm crashing again! Nixon I so know how you feel. I was in two minds about finding out, although was soooo curious. But DH didn't want to know so that decided it for me (I'm bad at keeping secrets). Either way its all good I think, although occassionally they do get it wrong. I just read a post recently from a BB member who at the 20 wk scan was told she was having a girl, and at a recent 30ish week scan they said sorry, made a mistake, its a boy!
I'm sure whatever you decide you'll be happy about it...
Yeah about DH being more involved. I thought that might be the case too. He can form more of an attachment and bond. I agree on that front too TL!
Hm xoxo
When it came to finding out the gender for me... Well, being a teacher was making the name thing almost impossible, and it was helpful to be able to eliminate half the name book in one fell swoop! I did find that I had a touch of gender disappointment at first when told we had a boy, but it's something that DH and I have both dealt with now. We found it really helpful to start looking into the specifics of raising boys (and there are similar books for girls as well, that we'd have got anyway). In the end, I'm finding it so much easier to bond with my unborn knowing that I have a boy in there. He's a very active little soul and loves playing with Daddy already... and I think DH is a bit more involved that before, and it's not just because the bump is bigger and he usually gets kicks every day. The fact that we still haven't decided on a name for the little guy yet is completely irrelevant in the scheme of things (and the fact that we've known he's a boy for about 14 weeks and STILL have no definite name is probably an indication of why we wanted to find out, too!)
All that said... Our boy is such a little flasher! It wasn't all that obvious at 18 weeks, but we had to go back for another scan at 24 weeks - and it was so glaringly obvious that it was a boy, we just couldn't miss it! We have another scan later this week (should be the last of them!) and it will be interesting to see how much he's changed and grown and whether he's developed any sense of dignity or is still happy to flash his bits to the world.
However, we've only told online people the gender. Family haven't been told, friends and work colleagues haven't been told, my students haven't been told (and when you have up to 5 groups of 30 different students badgering you about it EVERY day... ugh!), however there have been a few slip ups. We're happy with it this way - we get to bond and sort through the name game... and everyone else gets the surprise at the end. We've had other friends find out the gender, and tell everyone, plus the name... it was kinda hard to get excited over a date and a weight and length because we knew everything else... so we're happy to keep as many people in the dark as possible.
However... as some have mentioned, they can really only be CERTAIN of gender if you've got a boy. Our OB explained that they can never be 100% certain with girls as it could easily be a boy with undescended testicles (which is why some babies switch from being girls to boys at later scans)... the later the scan, the better the chance they have of determining gender accurately.
And finally... there's so little in the way of nice gender-neutral stuff out there that we simply found we couldn't buy a thing until we knew!
Anyway - enough of me blathering on about gender determination, etc...
Off work sick today, and feeling quite stressed about it. I had an attack of killer heartburn last night that saw me still up at 12:30 chomping on quick-eze. After 4 and very little change, I gave up and in sheer desperation took a zantac tablet. Of course, we have a year group away on camp and lots of teachers out, so yesterday there was an email to all "please nobody else be out tomorrow"... which made me stressed about not getting enough sleep to be at work (fatigue is really setting in hard at the moment), which in itself meant even less sleep and zero chance of being there. Similar nights when I feel under less pressure to go to work the next day, I seem to be able to give myself permission to take the day off to rest, which results in better sleep and often means I can get to work any way... I'm really tired, so that may not make much sense at all!
BG - loving the new avatar!
I've babbled on long enough so I shall send a quick , and to everyone and wander off to try to get SOME sleep...
Thanks BW - that's kind of how I feel about it too. I think I will feel the bond stronger when I know. I want to buy things for my little girl (I'm sure it's a girl) or boy not for "the baby". It would feel like I was buying generic presents for any old baby :-)
I think I can manage to talk DH around. I suggested that if the baby wants to show us (sonographer) then well find out and not tell anyone else. Leave it to fate.
Thanks again - very helpful structure for me to put my case forward to DH.....
To find out the sex or not to find out?
Good question. For DD I found out but didnt tell anyone. The day of delivery is so involved that when bub comes out healthy you are so happy, and for a second forget what you were having and, like me ask again!
This time, I thin I will find out again, but not sure if I will tell people or not yet. Part of me wants to so I can openly buy the "right colour but another part of me doesnt. I still have a bit of time to think about this though..
HM as for the U/S, I think you are very strong to not want to have an U/S. To be honest I am not one for much intervention in my pregnancy and delivery as well, but the U/S is just to give me peace of mind that little bub is doing well. With the 12 week U/S you dont really know what's going on in there, so for me it will be a big releif to see that the baby is growing and moving. The 20 week one is good too, but usually by then you can feel movement, so you know that your baby is kicking away.
I think it is all about personal choice in the end and you have to do what will make you comfortable.
Nicole mine is at late morning - 11. Will report on how I went later in the day. When is yours?
Megan - good luck for yoru U/S tomorrow too. Yes I think I will have a sleepless night tonight too. Its been the only thing on my mind lateley.
Lucky Strike, you are lucky mine isn't till 3pm so DH can make it.
As for finging out the sex, at this stage I want to but you never know my mind may change.
I am a massive planner and not knowing would do me to no end.
It's great that we get the chance to choose to find out if we are having a boy or girl. years ago they didnt even do scans and didnt even know until giving birth if it was one or 2. amazing how things have advanced. Even with IVF. Yesterday on Sunrise they were talking about IVF technique for implanting a boy or girl embryo. Well there is even that technology but they dont do it here in Aust (they used to - i guess for people that might pass on a certain chromosomal abnormality to their child).
I guess everyone has their own reasons and it is interesting. i was swaying between, wanting a surprise after going through the ivf treadmill, but i got my surprise with twins. My DH really wants to know and deep down so do I and I think it will really help me bond with them more before they are born. So I guess we will find out! Would prefer 1 g/b or 2 girls, but at the end of the day as long as they are healthy that is all that matters!
I go for my next scan on Thurs so hoping that all is well with C&C!
Mon
At this point in time I would probably want to the sex of our child. Might change my mind later though.
HM, I would do all the scans that I could.. I figure if something is wrong I rather know sooner than later. I can see the value of not knowing in early pg (because we can't do anything anway) but in later pg it is good idea to know so we can find options of what could be done.
AFM, my BT results are not back yet. Their equipment is down so I won't know until tomorrow morning. I am not as concerned today since there is no more spotting and I am still getting pg symptoms... tiredness, slight queasiness....Guess that is a good sign. I think I will be more reassured until I see a heartbeat at the first scan. Been very busy at work but hopefully things will calm down a little next week.
Good afternoon all, sorry a quick post but will be back latter to check on you all.....
We had our 12 week scan today and DH and I couldn't be happier!!
We saw a nice strong heart beat in at 165bpm
Baby Bug measures in at 5.4cm...how cute is that!!
She mentioned that the placenta is in front of the baby and that is normal and the cord is in a nice chunky part of the placenta.
Baby was jumping around which was nice to see...and the cheeky little monkey had his/her hands over her head so some of the photos look quite funny.
Next Scan is on the 7th January and I'll be 19 weeks...WOW!!!
Oh yeah Downs test was also really low which was great news..they actually said that the results were those of like a 15 year old....
We also had our 12 weeks scan today.
All seems to be tracking well, we are measuring about a day ahead which is good too.
Baby was asleep throughout the entire U/S, so I was dissapointed I couldnt get to see him/her moving around. I'll be sure to do something more active before the next scan so bub is awake.
Heartbeat is great too! We got to see the 4d scan which is pretty amazing. Shows lots of detail.
Nicole we seem to be going through everything at the same time. I also have my next scan booked for the 7th of Jan. And guess what they also said to me my results were of a 15year old. What a coincidence!
I definiteley feel alot more reassured seeing little bub today, and will now "officially" spread the news now.
Megan how did you go with your scan today? Did you find out the sex of your baby?
I was actually tempted to ask today b/c I have been told they can sometimes find out at the 12 weeks scan, but decided not too for some reason. Baby was asleep and I was just releived to see everything was OK. Maybe next time I will.
Anyway thats was my day, next milestone is to feel kicks!
I actually think I feel things already. Once sometimes twice throught the day I feel like a vibration. Very soft, and sometimes I'm not sure if I felt it, but it sbeen happening over the last week so I am convinced it is that. Its way too early to feel proper kicks, but a sensation every now and then is also nice. I definiteley didnt feel anything this early with DD, but they say you feel things earlier after the 1st b/c you know what to expect.
Anyway good night to all, weekend is getting closer, horray!
Just a quickie from me....had our big scan today. We were in there for 1.5 hours because Buddy was so busy flipping and flopping that she was having a hard time getting all the measurements. Feeling a bit battered and bruised after it as she had to really put quite a bit of pressure on my belly at some points and 1.5 hours of that constant prodding was getting a bit much.
We also found out that Buddy is a boy! We will probably have another scan (4D) at 30w to confirm again.
Luckystrike, great to hear all went well on your scan today as well. Your little one must have been up all night dancing and needed some sleep for you this morning
Yeah it is a coincidence that we seem to keep getting the same dates for scans and our age...watch out world
Megan, sounds like you had a cheeky little monkey today!!!
Congrats on finding out you having a Boy
Megan... congrats on having a boy hun...maybe a gymnast!!
Kahlan... i know what you mean hun...i guess i want o be able to choose when and how i want to be cared for....we shall see, might not have much choice.
Lucky strike... Congrats on your 12 week scan hun...all sounds like you are progressing nicely. Seeing that heart beat nice and strong must have been a gift!
Mon...nice to see you hun. I know what you mean re hubby bonding knowing what you are having. i think i feel the same way. It is cool that everyone is different.
Love to all..sorry i have not personal mess everyone. Hope you are all well and sending you big belly rubs.
Love Hm xoxox
I've been lurking the last few days ... and then just as I start to post I get dragged away from the computer ... tonight I'm determined to catch up.
Lots of excitement in here today with scans ... such fun ... great to hear your updates LS & Nicole and congrats on your *blue* bundle Megan.
TL - great to hear about your scan too and congrats on your *pink* bundle.
HM - hope you find a happy medium with the # of scans you do.
Kahlan, BW, numa, Mon, Janie, scooby, LNB - belly rubs to you all
curlygirl - hope your checkup BTs are going OK ...
Some great discussions over the past few days... Nic I still haven't decided whether I want to know gender this time around - probably not - although this is definitely our high-tech baby so maybe we should he! he! We didn't find out for DD and being the first we were happy with either. I guess I'm keen for a boy to balance things up and I'm not sure whether it would be easier to deal with gender disappointment through the pg or at the end. I'm thinking if it is another girl it would be hard work to put on a happy face every time you tell someone it's a girl because I'm sure plenty of people would say "oh I bet you were hoping for a boy". I've done enough smiling sweetly and biting my tongue over reproduction related comments in the last few years and now I'm *hormonal* so I don't think I really want to invite more insensitive comments!
... BG, sorry that your news was leaked. I'm so impressed that you were able to keep it to yourself for so long but it sucks that you didn't get to make your own announcement.
I'm having lots of dilemmas about how/when to announce my pg. I live in a small town and there's only 1 person I've told that I'm doing IVF, however, she tells me that a mutual friend "suspects" we are doing IVF and/or pg so the mutual friend is probably blabbing her suspicions all over town. To make matters worse, DD seems to be onto it, even though we've tried to be careful what we say around her. She is VERY talkative and I've already had to fob off one person by saying she has a very active imagination when DD started talking about a sister. I don't think I was very convincing :-(. I think I'm going to have to 'fess up sooner rather than later and I need to get "happy" with that so I feel it's my own choice rather than being backed into a corner. My sibs know we had the ET so I'll have to let them know pretty soon too I guess . Wish I felt more like sharing with the world. When did you announce to family/friends? In hindsight, was that a good idea. Any advice appreciated!
Sorry about jumping on the soapbox ... twice!!
AFM - BT today, results tomorrow; scan next Monday 24th. No symptoms at all. I'm hoping it will seem more *real* after my scan and then I might let myself get excited. I feel silly that I want more *proof*! Stupid really, first time round all it took was two lines on HPT and I was over the moon - not a worry in the world!
Hey Rachel,
It was going to be different this time round for you hun. Hope you can start enjoying it all a bit more soon. I am still coming to terms with it all myself too.
It is such a shame when people start to blab...it is not their news. I am sorry you are facing this. We are lucky...on the other side of the world. We told my Sil and 1 bro the next day...but i am very close with that SIL and i wanted her to be a part of all of it. Then I told my other brother and his wife...and Mum and Dad at about 6 weeks. I tried to wait longer but mum would have been hurt and it was timed well for when she got back from os. As for friends..BB girls knew straight away...and we have been very selective to tell close friends...about 3 couple...who we know don't even see anyone else we know..and that are good at keeping secrets. Otherwise it is all over.
It is funny but after trying for so long and finally getting there, everyone (for us) has been really supportive of keeping the secret. For some reason they feel it is more important for us...which we are so grateful for. My poor SIL told close family and it was all out in less than a week. ONce it hits the cousins...all over! ha sorry you probably didn't want to know so much detail...feeling chatty!
As for your boy and girl issue hun....i can understand what you mean re people having their opinions and insensitive views...i don't blame you for wanting to avoid comments like that. We are the same...i think it comes with the territory of LTTTC.
I really hope the scan can bring you comfort and you see that little heart beating like mad...find the excitement and blow caution to the wind...do what you like and bugger everyone else. Bless your DD, she is already getting excited for you. Aren't children so intuitive.
Good luck adn let us know how it goes.
Love Hm xoxo
, 
and 
to everyone and wander off to try to get SOME sleep...
that is wonderful
We will probably have another scan (4D) at 30w to confirm again.
. Wish I felt more like sharing with the world. When did you announce to family/friends? In hindsight, was that a good idea. Any advice appreciated!
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