yogi- oh my heart broke when I read your post. I hope there is still a chance for you, because it was only an early scan and you never know...
But I just wanted to say I really understand how you are feeling. The devastation, loss, anger, isolation. I have felt all of it. I had an 18 month period which involved an ectopic, IVF, then 2 miscarriages...and felt just like you...it was just trying to get pregnant, getting pregnant, then D&C and recovery, then again. It can be soul destroying....and it does change us forever, whether or not we become parents we won't ever be the same. In some ways we are better people, stronger, more understanding and sensitive, more grateful and aware etc...but in other ways we are marked in a negative way, and grieve for the parts of us that have been taken away by these experiences. I too have felt like a failure, why havent I been able to conceive and keep a baby? etc.
It's tough, but try to separate your trying to conceive journey from the essence of who you are as a person... You arent a freak at all, you are a strong, brave woman, who, for whatever medical reason, hasn't been able to have a baby yet. I have done a fair bit of counselling on that ...trying to anchor my self esteem in who I am ....not in the fertility stuff, if that makes sense.
I pray that all is not lost this time. I send you my love and hugs. Please if you want to talk PM me.
Take time to feel all the emotions you are going through, take some time out, then think about what the best next step is for you and your DH.
I am glad you have been looking into other options and that you and DH are so strong and close (it can be testing on couples that's for sure). You will have your family and you will be a fantastic mum.
Thinking of you xx
mindhugs- congratulations on your pregnancy and may this be a sticky baby. I relate to you, in the trying to enjoy it, yet worrying at the same time. I really hope all is right on track for you. Have you had an early scan?
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