How wierd is this? I have a fairly close friend who knows my TTC story - although nowhere near as long and bumpy as many, I have spent several years of my life TTC including a couple of miscarriages. She has fallen pregnant twice on her first month of trying - the first gave her a beautiful son, and the second very sadly was ectopic. She has now begun to try again and has been unsuccessful for 2 months. Anyway, she seems really jealous and annoyed with me. When I told her I was finally pregnant the first thing she said was "Oh, that's not fair, I'm so jealous" and when I saw her for the first time in ages last night she didn't ask me once how things were going or make any reference to my pregnancy at all. I obviously didn't breath a word about it either, but just thought it wasn't fair. I have been jealous many many many a time (and still do) but have always tried to put on a happy face and get on with it. I've offered to talk about her pain as I only too well know how it feels, but I think she thought that was a ridiculous idea, seeing as I am pregnant. I guess, really, seeing as I have lived it I also know too well the isolation TTC creates. Pain isn't logical. I am pregnant so I guess that negates my past, in her eyes. I hope we can sort things out!
Hi Kaybee,
It does seem ridiculous for your friend to act jealous of you just because she has tried unsuccessfully twice and you have finally had success on your 6th attempt. As you said even though you are pregnant now it doesn't mean that your past is forgotten. If anyone can relate to her disappointment it would probably be you (though I have to say I would find it difficult to relate to it too much just yet because 2 unsuccessful tries seems like a drop in the ocean really). Maybe your friend realises how ridiculous it is for her to be jealous of you and that's why she didn't want to discuss it with you - because she feels silly for her behaviour but doesn't know how to apologise for it. Perhaps she also feels that talking to you about her difficulty concieving would seem silly when you have been through so much more and her journey would seem trival?

I know when I was doing IVF I had a friend who had a young son who she had concieved on her 3rd attempt of donor insemination (but first with that particular donor). I had tried unsuccessfully with her successful donor for 13 months before moving to IVF and after my 2nd IVF failure I was so depressed. She told me "remember I'm always here for you if you need to talk" but I didn't feel like I could share what I was going through with her because it had been "so easy" for her. I did feel really jealous of her. Last November she tried for her 2nd child - same donor and we were all shocked when she didn't get pregnant on her first attempt again. She hasn't tried again since then (has decided to wait another 6 months and try to lose some weight before trying again). But it meant when I finally found out I was pregnant in Dec she seemed unable to share my excitement due to her one let down.

Anyway I hope your friend comes around and is able to share in your happiness too.

Lori
DD - 14
Started donor search Dec 06 with many disappointments, Donor insemination with known donor Jan 09 - Jan 10, Started IVF with anon donor Feb 10 - success on 4th IVF attempt.