Pregnancy after LT TTC #16

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How wierd is this? I have a fairly close friend who knows my TTC story - although nowhere near as long and bumpy as many, I have spent several years of my life TTC including a couple of miscarriages. She has fallen pregnant twice on her first month of trying - the first gave her a beautiful son, and the second very sadly was ectopic. She has now begun to try again and has been unsuccessful for 2 months. Anyway, she seems really jealous and annoyed with me. When I told her I was finally pregnant the first thing she said was "Oh, that's not fair, I'm so jealous" and when I saw her for the first time in ages last night she didn't ask me once how things were going or make any reference to my pregnancy at all. I obviously didn't breath a word about it either, but just thought it wasn't fair. I have been jealous many many many a time (and still do) but have always tried to put on a happy face and get on with it. I've offered to talk about her pain as I only too well know how it feels, but I think she thought that was a ridiculous idea, seeing as I am pregnant. I guess, really, seeing as I have lived it I also know too well the isolation TTC creates. Pain isn't logical. I am pregnant so I guess that negates my past, in her eyes. I hope we can sort things out!

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Hi Kaybee,
It does seem ridiculous for your friend to act jealous of you just because she has tried unsuccessfully twice and you have finally had success on your 6th attempt. As you said even though you are pregnant now it doesn't mean that your past is forgotten. If anyone can relate to her disappointment it would probably be you (though I have to say I would find it difficult to relate to it too much just yet because 2 unsuccessful tries seems like a drop in the ocean really). Maybe your friend realises how ridiculous it is for her to be jealous of you and that's why she didn't want to discuss it with you - because she feels silly for her behaviour but doesn't know how to apologise for it. Perhaps she also feels that talking to you about her difficulty concieving would seem silly when you have been through so much more and her journey would seem trival?

I know when I was doing IVF I had a friend who had a young son who she had concieved on her 3rd attempt of donor insemination (but first with that particular donor). I had tried unsuccessfully with her successful donor for 13 months before moving to IVF and after my 2nd IVF failure I was so depressed. She told me "remember I'm always here for you if you need to talk" but I didn't feel like I could share what I was going through with her because it had been "so easy" for her. I did feel really jealous of her. Last November she tried for her 2nd child - same donor and we were all shocked when she didn't get pregnant on her first attempt again. She hasn't tried again since then (has decided to wait another 6 months and try to lose some weight before trying again). But it meant when I finally found out I was pregnant in Dec she seemed unable to share my excitement due to her one let down.

Anyway I hope your friend comes around and is able to share in your happiness too.

Lori
DD - 14
Started donor search Dec 06 with many disappointments, Donor insemination with known donor Jan 09 - Jan 10, Started IVF with anon donor Feb 10 - success on 4th IVF attempt.

oh kaybee i'm nowhere near as nice or understanding as the other lovely ladies here. I'd be telling her to pull her head in, trying for 2 months does NOT constitute a 'poor me' situation. Yes she must be frustrated but jealous, of you! pft. Personally, a real friend would never wish what you've been through on anyone and would be so excited for their mate to have achieved their dream ... and not make it all about themselves iykwim. Personally, I never felt jealous of my friends having babies when I couldn't... sad but excited for them iykwim. Anyway, i'd be telling her to get a sensitivity chip and realise what it's been like for you all these years ..... all done with a smile and kind word for her!

ggrrrhhh people. I hate people.

Okay I MAY have woken up badly from my arvo nap. I admit it, got the cranks this arvo.

Um someone asked kicks for number 2... wel i know all the material says "you'll feel it sooner'' etc but for me that really wasn't the case. DS was about 17 weeks and this one wasn't really til about 18 weeks and even then i wasn't sure. It's really been only in the last fortnight it's upped the ante :) But i'm not sure it's cos i was pregnant with DS not long ago that i was expecting full term baby movements instead of those little flutters iykwim.

Mindhugs - i found I go mental between scans... I didn't get my 20 week scan til 21.5weeks so nearly 10 weeks of nothing and I really got myself so worried and in a twist. I think i posted here a few times about evil thoughts taking me over. I think that's the worst time as you feel on your own and you feel so insecure about this pregnancy, like "is it true? did they make a mistake? it is the bub still there" all that sort of stuff. And worst of all, there ain't much you can do to alleviate it, but do TRY not to send yourself mental. One thing that helped me was, "well there's no blood, so that's good". A bit silly i know but hey, it helped.

Mindhugs and Airline - hows your sciatica going? got any relief??? I hope so, it's awful.

Possums - lurking? how are you feeling love ???

WW - going to start chanting your name. You've HAD to have had the bub by now! oohhh baby snuggles :)

Hey Jaki - not far off!!!! and then Airline tteeeehhheeee so exciting!

Bug's Mum thanks for the list. How are you??

Kelly - hope you are going okay and coping iwith that ever expanding tum!

OneDay - oct 17 is my dh's bday... so a great day to be born. I'm also born on the 17th (not of oct tho) so we likey 17! hope you are well.

Hi to all the other girls here. And the girls coming up due soon, can't wait to hear from you all :)

I unpacked all DS's baby clothes today and sorted out the 'boy' ones from the 'neutral' ones. Surprisingly I have quite a bit of grey, red, yellow, purple sort of colours and a few of the bluer outfits could easily do a little girl if needed. So i'm pretty happy that I have some clothes for this little one to come home to if it's a girl... and a whole wardrobe if its a boy lol. But i did go and buy two of the most gorgeous 0000 girl outfits JIC... I couldn't help myself and figured i could give them to a friend or another mum if they aren't needed... I'll need SOMETHING to bring a little girl home in, hey! lol.

oops better go fold washing... oxox

hi everyone

grub- sorting the clothes sounds fun, and there are some very cute girl outfits out there! :-) And I have had a few cranky moments myself this past week ;-)

kaybee- it's so tough with friends sometimes. I know that I have retreated from many pregnant friends in the past, and even a friend who fell pregnant after LTTTC, i found too hard to be around, so I pulled away (although I did tell her I was so pleased for her and explained it was just a painful time for me). I was really pleased for her after her long journey, but it was just too hard for me. However, your friend's situation/experiences are very different to mine, so it is hard to understand that she cant be more pleased for you. I guess everyone handles things differently. I can understand it being upsetting though.

mindhugs- i relate to how you feel, about all the scans and checks up to 12 weeks, then it just stops and you are left wondering and hoping all is ok, and just with symptoms to give you an indication. hang in there...and hope that back pain eases, glad the massages help

WW- thinking of you

oneday- hope you are going ok, we all understand the early anxiety so well

kelly- hope you are travelling along ok with those two boys

a big hi to everyone else

afm- hi, doing OK...next clinic appt is tomorrow, and I will get to hear the baby's heartbeat then (i hope!!), thankgoodness..I am ready for some reassurance!! Been a bit emotional, and moody this past week...but generally things seem OK. I was feeling well, although the past couple of days have had the old queasy feeling come back. I thought it was gone! (but luckily nothing too bad). I am more tired than usual still, but better than I was all through the first tri.
And my tummy has started to show...well I think it has anyway, lol. It's a noticeable bump. I am only small so i guess there isn't anywhere to hide anything.
Just wondering how much weight people have gained by this stage? (if any, I know some people lose weight due to feeling so sick etc)...I think I have gained around 1 to 1.5kg, so not much change,...for ages the scales didnt change at all, but in the past few weeks they have gone up a bit. I am conscious of trying to eat well, but am definately hungrier. :-)

Hey ladies,

I have been MIA for a fair while now - I think since before Christmas!!

Looks like there are a lot of new comers - CONGRATULATIONS!! - and some births - CONGRATULATIONS!!

I really need to do some reading to catch up!!

grub- I think its great you're not finding out - we arn't either - although there seems some practicality in finding out!! That's great you have some 'neautral' clothes - but I agree with you that you needed a new 0000 girl's outfit - JIC!! I think that (because this is our first) I will have 1 boy and 1 girl outfit to take bub home in !! Gotta be prepared!! As for the crankiness - I really only seem to get cranky at hubby - I think its because I'm a little emotional and if he says something I can always construe it into him not wanting to spend time with me (or something like that!!) ... poor DH!!

kaybee- I agree with the others - its not right that a 'friend' - knowing how much you have gone through - could act like that. But I guess it's times like these that you find out who your real friends are.

Possums - I'm 16 weeks and have now put on 3kgs but I hadn't put on any until week 12 - it just all come on since then - but I think a bit of it is the extra blood and stuff!! I'm trying not to think about the weight part - just eating healthy and whenever I am hungry - I think that is best for me.

A big hello to everyone else!!

AFM - Well, we have hit the 16 weeks!! It's amazing at how time has passed!! I was a little worried about going to Vietnam at Christmas (I was 7 and 8 weeks pregnant) but all went really well - just watched what I ate and drank, so it was fine - except for feeling squimish at the throught of asian food (which is not a good thing in Vietnam!). Anyway - my belly has now changed from looking fat to getting a little rounder and pregnant looking!! Other than that - it seems this pregnancy is a truely wonderful experience!!

Oh thanks so much for your advice and kind words about my jealous friend. Like I said - I justed wanted to get it out to those who 'get it' but knew how silly I was to care. I am starting to realise that she is quite a selfish person. I stayed over the other night and in the morning she got up and made herself a coffee - while we were both sitting there chatting together - and didn't even offer me one. No biggy at all, but who does that?

Anyway, back to US happy fatties!

Mum2be - I'm 16 weeks too. Yay for having a belly. Mine isn't really a preggy one yet, I just look like I've let myself go. Glad Vietnam was good - I am dying to go there.

Possums - I have probably gained about 1 or 2 kilos - I never really weigh myself, but just have a little pudge around the tum. Enjoy your galloping horse tomorrow!

Grub - How exciting buying clothes! Don't think I'll be game until I'm 8 months, but probably won't be able to stop myself either. Where did you get them from? AND, thanks for the 'movement' info (I asked) I'm looking out for them now. Don't think there's anything yet. I keep thinking I can feel flutters, but if it ends with a fart (SORRY TMI) then it's not the baby. Go get back to your washing!

Hello to everyone else! Thanks again for your advice on my friend.

Take care xxoo

kaybee- lol about the possible movements...hope you get to feel something very soon! Cant believe you are 16 weeks now, the time seems to have zipped by (although not during moments of anxiety, lol) My placenta is at the front, so I have been told I might have to wait until as late as 22 weeks...hope not. Your friend does sound selfish and self absorbed to me!

mum2be- glad all is going well, and I bet vietnam was great! 16 weeks, yay!

afm- nothing else to report for now...just looking forward to tomorrow and enjoying being pregnant and have started chatting to my little one

Hi everyone,

Possums, good on you for talking to baby. This pregnancy still doesn't feel real to me (I'm 14 weeks today) so I haven't started talking to baby.

Grub, I've unpacked alot of my daughters netural baby clothes. I already had them packed away as "girls" and "either" so I've just unpacked the either box as I'm more and more sure this one is a boy (though I would prefer another girl). It's funny how people have such a thing about colour. When my daughter was a couple of months old she had this beautiful blue dress which my mother had made her. It was pale blue with a trim which was white with blue flowers and it had a matching headband made from the same trim. I remember one day I had taken her into the library where I worked to see some of my co-workers and a customer stopped to have a look at the baby and she said "what a beautiful boy... ahhh... girl... ahhh?" and looked at me confused. I just stared at her and said "Girl - she is wearing a dress!" And the woman said "well yes but it's blue - she's wearing blue!" I guess I can kinda understand people thinking you can't dress a boy in pink but what is wrong with dressing a girl in blue and I wouldn't put a boy in a dress either - unless he was like a friend's son and was born breach and his bottom was rubbed raw by the pelvic bones so he couldn't have anything over his bottom for over a month so lived in "nighties" with cloth nappies just lying under him.

Possums, as far as weight goes I have no idea as I put on so much weight just through all the hormones and IVF process so I stopped weighing myself before I got pregnant as it was depressing. I have no idea how much I had put on by this stage with my daughter but I don't think I had really put on anything (I still wore my normal clothes without a problem). However I did put on a total of 20kg during my pregnancy with her. I had the most amazing tummy - huge! I had lost 10kg by the time I left hospital when she was 2 and a half days old and lost another 5kg within the next month or so but the last 5kg didn't really ever budge. So I went from 52kg to 57kg (pre and post pregnancy but at my peak I was 72kg).

AFM: I got the call today to tell me that my results from the NT scan are back. 1 in 400 chance of Downs and something like a 1 in 4000 chance of the other thing they test for. I was a bit concerned about the 1 in 400 result as when one of my friends had it done a couple of years ago she was 1 in 5000 but the Dr assured me that 1 in 400 is considered fine and they don't normally offer amino etc unless the risk is greater than 1 in 200. I asked her whether the 20 week scan would show it up if there was a problem and she said the 20 week scan only reveals about 50% of Down syndrome babies. Anyway she said all my other blood test results were good except that she had me tested for some virus which is common in little kids (and only looks like a normal cold when they get it) but can apparently cause miscarriage in pregnant women. She was concerned for me since I work in childcare. She had told me that often you will be exposed to it and develop a natural resistance so the test was to see if I had this. Unfortunately (and suprisingly) she said the test showed I have never been exposed to it so I need to be very careful if any child I look after has a cold in case it is this virus... unfortunately I can't remember what it was called (a series of initials).

I've tried to get myself exctied by starting to look at baby names. I already know that I want to make up it's first name and give it an unusal second name (as I did for my daughter) and it took me quite a while to come up with her name - Ashalyn (pronounced Ay-shar-len). I sometimes think I should have tested it out more beforehand and I might have changed it's spelling as she gets really annoyed at the number of people who pronounce it Ash-a-len. She has to tell them "it's not Ash, you have to pronounce the A - A-sha-lyn" and then some people act like it's just all too difficult! So I think maybe I should have spelt it Ayshalyn to prevent the association with names like Ashley.

Lori
DD - 14

hi all, I just popped in to see how WorryWart went, but nothing????

Hi ladies its very busy in here at the moment :)

Kaybee that was terrible of your friend and i think its very selfish of her and she should be so happy for you! But im sure she will realise how she treated you and hopefully apologises.

Possums you sound as nervous as me, i keep thinking i will be ok after tomorrwos scan but then i think i will still feel anxious until 12 weeks but after that iv told my self i need to enjoy this and stop worrying. I hope you start to feel more relaxed soon xx

So its my 7 week scan tomorrow and im so nervous, i wish it would hurry up but at the same time i dont want it to come incase its bad. I will come on tomorrow night to let you know how i go xxxxxxx

Hi Everyone,
I am so thrilled to announce that Anna Mary was born at 10am on Sunday 20 February, weighing 8 pounds and 1 ounce.
I just cannot believe this has finally happened.
I am happy beyond words, and pretty much still unable to type (um, yep, the carpal tunnel does not go as soon as you deliver apparently, it can stay for 4 to 6 weeks).
So, birth was certainly not as "planned", ie after nearly 2 weeks of serious anxiety and stress about induction and two rather painful (as in, brought on contractions) acupuncture sessions, early labour started by itself at 6am on Saturday. It was strong, but managable, and at one point I actually watched a bit of a favourite film, Dirty Dancing, but pretty soon, it was like background at a party when you are completely boozed out of your mind, or something. Just the vibe, I mean. I hadn't been drinking!
I made a LOT of noise. That's mainly what I remember. Then, after about 8 hours established labour (at 1am Sunday) I was still only 3cm dilated with a serious pushing urge, so I had an epidural, then about 9 hours after that, it seemed that baby was stuck in my too small of a pelvis (a big baby with a big head).
Anyway, the point is ... she is beautiful and we love her so much! BF has been tricky and there have been some tears, but it seems like it might come together so keep your fingers crossed for us.
I am just SO unbelievably happy.
Anyway, hysterical, I guess.
So you guys, I'll prob check in later in a few weeks, and hope all is well.
Take care and love to all,
WW

Oops, forgot to say it clearly: she was born by c-section in the end, my greatest fear and something that was actually just a stunning moment, and thank God I'd had the epidural because I was conscious and breastfeeding about 40 min later.
So your greatest fears can be .. totally ok in the end.

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Oops, forgot to say it clearly: she was born by c-section in the end, my greatest fear and something that was actually just a stunning moment, and thank God I'd had the epidural because I was conscious and breastfeeding about 40 min later.
So your greatest fears can be .. totally ok in the end.

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Congratulations on the birth of your daughter Worry wart. I'm glad to hear that despite things not going to plan you had an overall good experience and were able to be conscious for the birth despite having the unplanned C-section and were breastfeeding such a short time afterwards.

I hope things continue to go well and the tears associated with breast feeding become less and less.

Congrats again
Lori
DD-14

WELCOME to the world Anna Mary! :) :) :)

sounds like you did a fantastic job ww! we have all been hanging out to hear this wonderful news. Hang in their with the BF... it does get easier :) take care of yourelf and that precious little girl oxox

good luck tomorrow possums! and OneDay - the 7 week scan is so nerve wracking, good luck huny and fingers crossed for you. :)

kaybee - i just picked up two gorgeous little outfits from a little baby boutique... so they weren't cheap (ssshhh don't tell dh!). But i usually get my baby clothes from garage sales, big w and friends.... I'm not buying much even if it is a girl (we are totally geared for a boy as it is) cos I know my mum and sister will go nutso and buy heaps of stuff lol.

Got a lovely swim in this arvo after DH got home. it was so needed, my back is really starting to hurt and my body is just feeling really taxed... this was how i felt at full term with DS... suppose the price you pay for 2 in 18months.

hope you are all well. sorry couldn't do every persie tonight a bit tired. oxox

Congrats worrywart!!!!!! how exciting, it brought tears to my eyes to read it as i know just how special that moment would really be after such a hard journey! all the best to you and bub xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

WW: Big congrats on the safe arrival of Anna, even though things didn't go to plan I'm happy that you feel joy that your little girl arrived safely and that is what matters the most.

Good luck to our girls havign scans today, I'll be waiting for news..

I wish I could do perssies for everyone, but I'm soooooo tired and uncomfortable that thinking is so hard... My belly is now HUGE and the boys as getting very squashed as evidenced by not just the kicks but now when they roll around my tummy distends in all different places. The latest is that they seem to now roll at the same time which means I get stretched out at all angles... and my OB wants them to be double this size when they arrive. DH is still certain they will come early so I'm trying to now get our bedroom sorted out so we can set up the babies area as I don't want to wait until the last minute, but having an active toddler running around the house doesn't help. Our little miss has now decided that throwing tanties when she is not happy is now the way to go, which means when she cracks it and goes all limpp and floppy the only way I can get her to move is pick her up... Not what I need another 10kg's + to lugg around on my hip. I can't wait until my parents return from holidays in 2 weeks time so they can take her for a couple of hours for me so I can have a break (read: run around doing all the stuff I need to do without having to drag DD with me).

Oh and I know my tummy is now bigger than when pregnant with DD as my belly button in now of the verge of popping out. This never happened with DD due to al the scars from my numerous laps, but this time around the bits that can pop out have.

Take care everyone and sending you all belly rubs..

Congrats WW!! I'm thrilled to hear Anna has safely arrived and you're starting to get to know each other. I'm glad you are so at peace with her birth not going as planned - that is something I have really struggled with. And I hear you on the carpal tunnel! Five weeks on I've still got that and the swollen feet!

congratulations WW on the safe arrival of Anna! so pleased for you and lovely to hear you sounding so happy...and good luck with the BF. Glad you are OK with the birth not going as you had planned also .... enjoy getting to know precious Anna

oneday- good luck with your scan!! hope it's great

kelly- thinking of you with those boys squashed in there

grub- glad you had a lovely swim...I find swimming so relaxing

lori- glad your results were all in the right ranges and not high risk... we've been looking at names too...we can't seem to agree at the moment, lol, but have a few favourites

afm- off to the clinic today for a check up and looking forward to that. And yes, oneday, I guess I am still a worrier, but I am also very happy and loving being pregnant, if that makes sense...overall happy, but moments of worry and panic thrown in here and there :-) hopefully that's how you will feel as you progress along also...gradually week by week it feels more real

just wanted to report that all went well today!...heard the heartbeat and all checks etc showed I am healthy and all on track (although need a bit more iron) . Happy.