Thanks MyTurn. Yes, it is really hard being pregnant after so many things "going wrong" with fertility. I am so thrilled for you that you've reached 30 weeks without too much pregnancy stress. Moving house is full on though. I think you'll have plenty of time to get it all sorted, though.
TT40, good to see you in here too. We are very close in our pregnancies.
AFM, the spotting has continued, some days better, some not better. It is hard. I had with my DD but it really was much less of a thing though went on and off throughout first trimester. I am seeing the OB tomorrow and he apparently has an ultrasound in his rooms, so hopefully we will get some good news there. If it continues as twin pregnancy, it is pretty full on in terms of potential complications, monitoring, delivery being quite early (so our sonographer said to expect it to be October rather than December ....). Just processing now.
Wow! Worry wort congratulations! Sorry I didn't get in here earlier to support you, I've been away.
I remember the day I found out I was having identicals like it was yesterday. I was completely overwhelmed. Excited - absolutely but shocked and scared all the same. I can relate to your feelings after the birth of your DD, I was fine after my two singletons, but not so much after the twins were born...
I had terrible PND but I won't go into that too much, because everyone is different and I don't want to upset or scare you! I had a horribly complicated pregnancy with the girls. We have twin to twin transfusion syndrome and lived in permanent fear of losing twin B. I went from not wanting twins, to being terrified of losing one. Not a good time in our lives....
The biggest mistake I made was focussing on everything but bringing two babies home. The cots, the clothes (I could open a shop), the linen, the matching blankets, the amazing pram (all the stuff that didn't really matter at all) I never really thought about what having two babies at once would be like, and I wish I had have.
My mum kept asking me how I felt, did we have a plan on how we would cope etc, I always said yes, but in reality, I just didn't think about it (I know that sounds ridiculous but it's true)... After they were born, I came home and they stayed in NICU and then the SCN for 3 weeks, even then I didn't really think about what it would be like when they came home. They were 7 weeks early and apart from being tiny, were in amazingly good health (we were so lucky). I battled along for 5 months, looking after them by myself (DH was here at night but at work during the day). It was tough. The sleep deprivation wore me down... And I didn't know how to ask for help. At 5.5 months my husband hired a full time live in nanny. She is still with us and they are almost 20 months old! The day she moved in I felt like I hated her. Like I was a failure. Like my babies would love her more than me..... In other words I was nuts
I went to hospital for 3 weeks to have a break. To sleep and eat and rest. I'm so embarrassed to say this, but I want you to know your not alone, and all of your feelings are normal and okay... I refused to see my girls for two weeks. I just couldn't face seeing them. That's when I knew that I had hit rock bottom and from that day on things started to improve.
Our angel of a nanny taught me how to love my girls. And she loved them for me, when I couldn't. When I came home she fed me, sat with me while I cried (which was every half an hour for days) and helped me look after the babies. If I'm honest - I probably helped her look after the babies. I always did the nights, which was possible because she carried the load during the day. Weekends I did and do days and nights with my DH.
They only started sleeping through about 8 weeks ago. And they are the hardest but most rewarding thing we have ever done. I truly believe twinnies are only sent to those who can cope, and you will, but don't be afraid to reach out for help! And definitely try and make a plan as to how you will look after them when they arrive!
During my pregnancy I had so much support! I worked full time and kept flying around the country for my work until 30 weeks, I worked until the night before they were born, against my Dr's advice... And because I saw my MFM every second day, I felt as though we were a team, and it never occurred to me that would change... But of course after they were bron, they got a Paed and I had no one as I was no longer pg and he WA no longer my Dr. Massive shock to the system!
So how are we now.... I couldn't imagine my life without my gorgeous girls. Our house is super busy! There are 7 of us under our roof, including my two DS who are 12 and almost 5 - and of course our amazing nanny! I know most people can't afford a nanny and I'll be honest, I didn't think we could either - but we just shuffled things around and learned to go without other things and we don't regret it for a moment. She gave us back our relationship and our sanity. And she helped make sure our boys don't miss out because of the twins.
I wish I had have worried less about the clothes, the fancy pram, the matching linen and shoes. I wish I had have considered what having two babies would actually be like and I wish I had have said I was scared - out aloud and not just in my head. Most of all, I wish that I had have not cared about what other people thought of me. I've learned not to care and it has been completely liberating.
And so here I am pregnant with number 5! Why, how am I an idiot?? No I don't think so.... My DH is pretty amazing and he always wanted 4 kids. He loves my DS from my first marriage like his own - and my ex is amazing with all the kids. We really are a "village"..... So why one final baby? Well it will sound silly I'm sure, but I really wanted to finish our family with one single bubba and I have learned so much and I wanted to put it to use I think it helps that we have an amazing angel in our house, who loves our children as her own.
That said, she has never tried to be their mummy. She knows there will only ever be one of those and that's me
But she gives hugs freely when my arms are full, and she hugs me - often. I'd be lost without her. For you that may be your mum or your mother in law... Someone, anyone who you can share the load with. I think all twin mummies need that from time to time.
WW I cant promise you it will be easy, buti have learned that nothing that's truly special and worth having - ever is (easy). I can't promise you though, that your twins will be the greatest gift you ever receive apart from your DD, who will always be your first greatest gift.
I hope that you don't read this post and feel afraid. I hope I am doing the right thing by posting... I wish someone had have told me about the hard parts, and not just the cute photos and matching outfits. If you ever want to talk or vent, I will be here for you. It's a pretty exclusive club being a twin mummy and unless you've got twins it can be hard to understand....
You are truly blessed to have been chosen to be a twin mummy. Try not to worry too much - whatever is going to happen, is going to happen regardless so all you can do is go with it. All you can do is your best and that is more than enough.
Sorry myturn and TT40 that this post is all about twins, doesn't mean I'm not super excited for you both and TT40 I'm really excited to be sharing the journey with you it's just that, I wish someone had have been going through or had been through what I was (miss kricket I am forever indebted still for all the love, support and advice you gave me and your still my hero)....
WW if your identicals are girls.... I have so much matching clothing with tags still on, that you are welcome too! I should have shares in Country Road I reckon I'm secretly desperately hoping this bubba is a blue package, mainly because my girls are so so close, that I cannot imagine another girl ever fitting into their world. They are the centre of each others universes and I can't ever imagine that changing!
If it had one piece of advice,it would be to go with a dr now that specializes in high risk twin or triplet pregnancies. That way if you have any complications (and I pray that you won't) then they will be able to deal with them, themselves. Someone with TTTS experience may be a bonus as there is only about 5 of them in Australia, and there is a good one in Melbourne I believe. I initially saw a fabulous OB, but he told me a twin pg wasn't that different to a singleton etc (bollocks) plus it helps if your care giver can scan themselves in their rooms, which I think you mentioned your Dr could?
The only other thing I would mention is the cost. Between the first appointment we had with the MFM and delivery, he cost us $22k! This included the $2500 management fee - but the cost of seeing him 2 to 3 times per week and 4 scans per week added up. Deep down I think this is why I worked for so long..... But I don't recommend doing that either! Most of all just do what's right for you. I know that my experience will not be yours, I just wanted you to know that it's not all sweetness and light - it's just that most people aren't honest about the tough bits. I wish you all the live and luck in the world.
Re: Pregnancy after LT TTC #21
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