Ness....
Thankyou for sharing your story
I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face (at work too- not a good look) i have just watched your montage and it is beautiful. Liam is a very lucky boy to have been held and loved by so many people in his short stay here. You and your family are amazing.
I too am an "Angel Mummy". I have two Angels- Darren and Zahra. I found a lot of similarities in Darrens story to your Liam- my pregnancy started out as normal as possible in January 2004- we didnt have the 12 week scan as i was "young and healthy" and when we went for the 18 week scan it was discovered that Darren's kidneys had not formed properly. One was not there at all- and the one that was- was full of cycts and not functioning. Everything had been going ok- until it came time for him to start drinking the amniotic fluid- once he started doing that... his body could not filter the fluid- so it started to build up in his body- filling his organs and sadly his brain. Like you- we were not given a choice as such- we were told our little boy would not make it through another week let alone to full term- and that there was nothing we could do for him.
I was induced two days later and gave birth to my son on the 18th of May. I too felt his spirit knew it wasnt here for long- having been through other pregnancies since loosing Darren- i know his spirit was constantly "around me" not in his body which was sick. I felt him with me as a kind. gentle old soul. It took me a long time to find peace after loosing him- but i knew that he had chosen me for a reason.
Sadly for him, and for me looking back now- my husband and i didnt choose to spend anytime with him. When i delivered- he was still inside the amniotic sac- which was very tiny. I was very young (23 years old) and i was scared that i would be terrified at the sight of him- and to maintain my image of his spirit- i did not honor his body. The mid wives took some pictures of him- which i now cherish and hold dearly- and to this day i wish i had of had the strength to spend time with him when i had the chance. I am so in awe of you and your loved ones for having that strenth and that love to spend so much time admiring Liam.
After loosing Darren i suffered a m/c and then fell pregnant again with my daughter Zahra- her spirit was that of a feisty fighter- sadly however- i lost her due to a placental abruption at 35 weeks- i had an emergency c section and while she put up a good fight- she too was not destined for this world. My husband and i did choose to spend time with her- however my family chose not to. We looked at her precious hands and feet and admired her resemblences in ourselves. We had her cremated and she now sits proudly in our home with us for always.
With both of my losses- i have felt that through the pain and the sadness- i have grown as a person- and my angels have brought things to my life that were never there before. While i would love to have them in my arms- i know that their journeys were the way they were for a reason- and that i am priviedged to be their Chosen Angel Mummy.
Now- i am pregnant again- we are expecting a little boy in August- and while i am not there yet- i know this little angel is coming home.
I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story- and i wish you and your family all the very best for your future.
Take Care
xoxoxxoxo
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