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Thread: i lost my beautiful baby boy at 21 weeks due to abnormalities

  1. #19

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    Ness you had a beautiful boy and you have done a wonderful job on his montage i am really sorry for you loss, i would love to know what was the song that was playing it went so well with the photos


  2. #20

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    I am so very sorry. What a heart wrenching thing for you to go through.
    I think you did the right thing having a natural birth. Very hard but it certainly does help with the grieving process. This is something I have learnt from experience.

    My heart goes out to you and rest assured we are all here if and when you need us.

    Debbie

  3. #21

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    Ness....

    Thankyou for sharing your story

    I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face (at work too- not a good look) i have just watched your montage and it is beautiful. Liam is a very lucky boy to have been held and loved by so many people in his short stay here. You and your family are amazing.

    I too am an "Angel Mummy". I have two Angels- Darren and Zahra. I found a lot of similarities in Darrens story to your Liam- my pregnancy started out as normal as possible in January 2004- we didnt have the 12 week scan as i was "young and healthy" and when we went for the 18 week scan it was discovered that Darren's kidneys had not formed properly. One was not there at all- and the one that was- was full of cycts and not functioning. Everything had been going ok- until it came time for him to start drinking the amniotic fluid- once he started doing that... his body could not filter the fluid- so it started to build up in his body- filling his organs and sadly his brain. Like you- we were not given a choice as such- we were told our little boy would not make it through another week let alone to full term- and that there was nothing we could do for him.
    I was induced two days later and gave birth to my son on the 18th of May. I too felt his spirit knew it wasnt here for long- having been through other pregnancies since loosing Darren- i know his spirit was constantly "around me" not in his body which was sick. I felt him with me as a kind. gentle old soul. It took me a long time to find peace after loosing him- but i knew that he had chosen me for a reason.

    Sadly for him, and for me looking back now- my husband and i didnt choose to spend anytime with him. When i delivered- he was still inside the amniotic sac- which was very tiny. I was very young (23 years old) and i was scared that i would be terrified at the sight of him- and to maintain my image of his spirit- i did not honor his body. The mid wives took some pictures of him- which i now cherish and hold dearly- and to this day i wish i had of had the strength to spend time with him when i had the chance. I am so in awe of you and your loved ones for having that strenth and that love to spend so much time admiring Liam.

    After loosing Darren i suffered a m/c and then fell pregnant again with my daughter Zahra- her spirit was that of a feisty fighter- sadly however- i lost her due to a placental abruption at 35 weeks- i had an emergency c section and while she put up a good fight- she too was not destined for this world. My husband and i did choose to spend time with her- however my family chose not to. We looked at her precious hands and feet and admired her resemblences in ourselves. We had her cremated and she now sits proudly in our home with us for always.

    With both of my losses- i have felt that through the pain and the sadness- i have grown as a person- and my angels have brought things to my life that were never there before. While i would love to have them in my arms- i know that their journeys were the way they were for a reason- and that i am priviedged to be their Chosen Angel Mummy.

    Now- i am pregnant again- we are expecting a little boy in August- and while i am not there yet- i know this little angel is coming home.

    I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story- and i wish you and your family all the very best for your future.

    Take Care
    xoxoxxoxo

  4. #22

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    I too am ever so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy.... you are an amazingly strong woman The photos that you have shared are simply beautiful.... Fly free angel xxx

  5. #23
    ness558 Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by karen130373 View Post
    Ness you had a beautiful boy and you have done a wonderful job on his montage i am really sorry for you loss, i would love to know what was the song that was playing it went so well with the photos
    the song we are playing is josh groban "to where you are".... we played it at liams funeral when we were releasing the balloons.. it means a lot to me...

  6. #24
    ness558 Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by ~StarBright~ View Post
    Ness....

    Thankyou for sharing your story

    I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face (at work too- not a good look) i have just watched your montage and it is beautiful. Liam is a very lucky boy to have been held and loved by so many people in his short stay here. You and your family are amazing.

    I too am an "Angel Mummy". I have two Angels- Darren and Zahra. I found a lot of similarities in Darrens story to your Liam- my pregnancy started out as normal as possible in January 2004- we didnt have the 12 week scan as i was "young and healthy" and when we went for the 18 week scan it was discovered that Darren's kidneys had not formed properly. One was not there at all- and the one that was- was full of cycts and not functioning. Everything had been going ok- until it came time for him to start drinking the amniotic fluid- once he started doing that... his body could not filter the fluid- so it started to build up in his body- filling his organs and sadly his brain. Like you- we were not given a choice as such- we were told our little boy would not make it through another week let alone to full term- and that there was nothing we could do for him.
    I was induced two days later and gave birth to my son on the 18th of May. I too felt his spirit knew it wasnt here for long- having been through other pregnancies since loosing Darren- i know his spirit was constantly "around me" not in his body which was sick. I felt him with me as a kind. gentle old soul. It took me a long time to find peace after loosing him- but i knew that he had chosen me for a reason.

    Sadly for him, and for me looking back now- my husband and i didnt choose to spend anytime with him. When i delivered- he was still inside the amniotic sac- which was very tiny. I was very young (23 years old) and i was scared that i would be terrified at the sight of him- and to maintain my image of his spirit- i did not honor his body. The mid wives took some pictures of him- which i now cherish and hold dearly- and to this day i wish i had of had the strength to spend time with him when i had the chance. I am so in awe of you and your loved ones for having that strenth and that love to spend so much time admiring Liam.

    After loosing Darren i suffered a m/c and then fell pregnant again with my daughter Zahra- her spirit was that of a feisty fighter- sadly however- i lost her due to a placental abruption at 35 weeks- i had an emergency c section and while she put up a good fight- she too was not destined for this world. My husband and i did choose to spend time with her- however my family chose not to. We looked at her precious hands and feet and admired her resemblences in ourselves. We had her cremated and she now sits proudly in our home with us for always.

    With both of my losses- i have felt that through the pain and the sadness- i have grown as a person- and my angels have brought things to my life that were never there before. While i would love to have them in my arms- i know that their journeys were the way they were for a reason- and that i am priviedged to be their Chosen Angel Mummy.

    Now- i am pregnant again- we are expecting a little boy in August- and while i am not there yet- i know this little angel is coming home.

    I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story- and i wish you and your family all the very best for your future.

    Take Care
    xoxoxxoxo
    starbright.. thank you so much for sharing your story .. you too are such a amazing women ....
    i would love to chat to you personally via a private email but have no idea how to private message on this site ? does anyone know how??.. if you do please let me know....

  7. #25

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    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, I was in tears. He was just beautiful & what a wonderful & loving family he has.

  8. #26

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    that was a beautiful tribute thank you for sharing

  9. #27

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    Ness,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have not been where you are but my heart goes out to you.

    Your montage was beautiful, and I sat watching it crying.

    What a lovely honour you did him.

    I hope in time you find some peace and lots of happiness.

  10. #28

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    thankyou for sharing your story, Liam's montage was beautiful. It is a credit to you and your DH of the love you have for him, the strength you have and most of all a very special precious memory of your little boy.

  11. #29

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    Thank you ness..
    I tried to send you a personal message- but i think you need to have written a minimum amount of posts before you can send and receive PM's.
    I think its 10...
    If you have msn messenger-you can click on the little thing in the top left corner of my post and i will add you

  12. #30

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    Ness your little man is absolutely perfect. I am so honoured that you felt comfortable enough to share your gorgeous montage which I watched with tears streaming down my face. Liam is truely an angel to perfect for this world.

  13. #31
    ness558 Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by ~StarBright~ View Post
    Thank you ness..
    I tried to send you a personal message- but i think you need to have written a minimum amount of posts before you can send and receive PM's.
    I think its 10...
    If you have msn messenger-you can click on the little thing in the top left corner of my post and i will add you
    hi starbright
    i have added you as a contact for msn .. i got your email and i have added you .. once you have accepted then we can start chatting online..
    ness

  14. #32

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    Hi ness ... thank you for sharing your story and your lovely montage! I was in tears!!!
    You are truly an amazing strong woman and a deserved Angel Mum! May you be blessed with earth children soon and long live little Liam.
    Mon

  15. #33

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    I too sit here with tears. Your montage has so many images so similar to the ones I cherish here at home. Your son would be so very proud of the way his parents and family welcomed him. Thank you for sharing your story.

  16. #34

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    Hi ness, thanks so much for sharing your son Liam with us! It's taken me some time to get control over my emotions since watching your montage, as I was in tears throughout it. I'm truly humbled and honored at your willingness to share your story of Liam's life, he's very blessed to have such strong and loving parents!

    Liam, your precious angel baby, will forever be watching over you from above! I will see Liam in every rainbow I look upon for the rest of my days on this earth!

  17. #35
    ness558 Guest

    Default liams autopsy results

    Hello everyone

    just wanted to thank you for all your support it has been so overwhelming so thank you

    Just thought let you know we got liams autopsy results and it confirms what the mri and scans showed was correct and that he was missing the corpus collosum (the area of tissue connecting the two half halves of the brain) associated with a large cyst between the two halves of the brain. In addition to this he had an abnormal defect on his left half of his brain known as a cleft. Also there were abnormal tissues reflecting the area of nerve connection as well.

    They don?t have any answers why this happened , only that it was a freak of nature . ( as we suspected as we knew from the amino that it was a genetic disorder ) the rest of his body was perfectly normal , he was normal size, normal heart , normal kidney , normal lungs etc . The only part that was abnormal ( didn?t develop properly ) was his brain. Why this happened medically we will never know.



    This is all good as it means that what happened to liam was ?a freak of nature? and there should be no reason why we cant have healthy children in the future. All my obst advised was to put me on high doses of folic acid as this has been know to reduce the chances of spina bifida and although liam didn?t have this he did suffer from a neuro tube defect( ie connection in his brain ) so they just wanted to take extra precaution for future pregnancies.

    All in all I am happy as I everything concludes what I was told from the start anyway and I happy that I didn?t cause this to happen to him ( which I knew anyway but it was nice to be told) and that I did everything right during the pregnancy and there was no way of preventing what happened to him .. it was just his journey which I already knew anyway but it is a comfort to know this and I can never have a doubt in my mind, nor hold any guilt and I can move forward to new beginnings in my life ..



    Love ness

    Xxxxxxx

  18. #36
    ness558 Guest

    Default liams autopsy results

    Hello everyone

    Just thought let you know we got liams autopsy results and it confirms what the mri and scans showed was correct and that he was missing the corpus collosum (the area of tissue connecting the two half halves of the brain) associated with a large cyst between the two halves of the brain. In addition to this he had an abnormal defect on his left half of his brain known as a cleft. Also there were abnormal tissues reflecting the area of nerve connection as well.

    They don?t have any answers why this happened , only that it was a freak of nature . ( as we suspected as we knew from the amino that it was a genetic disorder ) the rest of his body was perfectly normal , he was normal size, normal heart , normal kidney , normal lungs etc . The only part that was abnormal ( didn?t develop properly ) was his brain. Why this happened medically we will never know.



    This is all good as it means that what happened to liam was ?a freak of nature? and there should be no reason why we cant have healthy children in the future. All my obst advised was to put me on high doses of folic acid as this has been know to reduce the chances of spina bifida and although liam didn?t have this he did suffer from a neuro tube defect( ie connection in his brain ) so they just wanted to take extra precaution for future pregnancies.

    All in all I am happy as I everything concludes what I was told from the start anyway and I happy that I didn?t cause this to happen to him ( which I knew anyway but it was nice to be told) and that I did everything right during the pregnancy and there was no way of preventing what happened to him .. it was just his journey which I already knew anyway but it is a comfort to know this and I can never have a doubt in my mind, nor hold any guilt and I can move forward to new beginnings in my life ..



    Love ness

    Xxxxxxx

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