just popping my head in here! i am 7 weeks pregnant after loosing my little girl at 18 weeks
I am freaking out so much.. i am trying so hard to relax but i just cant.
How do you do it? how do you keep calm for the sake of your bubba?
also TMI here lol i cant do the deed.... i am to scared... my DH thinks i am being stupid, but is that normal too? i am too scared it will hurt bub ( i know that it wont deep down, this is my 5th pregnancy lol) but i just cant do it..
Mo4 - good to see you here! OMG - 7 weeks already, so far already and I know so far to go. For me, I think I stay calmer because that is just me naturally. But at the same time I work really hard at trying to be thankful for what I have right now, which is an awesome DH, 3 lovely furbabies, a supportive family and of course a miracle growing inside. Maybe its also practise? When I was first pregnany with Amelia, from 3 weeks to at least 8 weeks, I went to get my HCG tested every week if not twice a week. For me, it was awful. Instead of just learning to sit with my anxiety and learning to love Amelia, all I thought about was losing her and those damn HCG levels. For me it was no way to live, I was very unhappy in that month or so. I then realised that I had the choice. I could go on like I was and just not enjoy what I had or I could try and be thankful for what I had. Then my brother was in a near fatal accident and was in ICU for 60 days and I saw my mother be with my brother every day for 8 hours a day, worried she would lose him. I realised that being a mother means that you worry from before conception to way beyond them being adults. My brother was 48 then. I thought, can I live my life with this level of worry for the next 50 years or more? I then though if I did, what a unhappy way to live.
So Mo4 - for me I beleive I have the choice to believe in this pregnancy and to love this baby and to try to enjoy the journey. Of course, it's hard. I am not always succesful, I still have bad days. But you know, by feeling like I have the choice, I feel empowered and also feel that as a result I get less totally crazy days. I still get crazy days, where I am beside myself with fear, and some days I am paralysed by fear. But some days, some days I am not, and its those days I work todays and savour.
Oh and I can't do the deed either... my DH totally understands, thankgod. I keep telling him the drought might break in November! I felt a bit racy the other night and half suggested i to DH, and he said to me, " No, I know that you are scared of what might happen, and I don't want you to regret it, so I am going to givve you a hug instead". I was surprised by his answer. It wasn't an intentional test, but he passed with flying colours none the less. Someone here once called it the "scrabble club" as there is no doing the deed going on you have to find something else to do together.
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