Pregnancy after Miscarriage or Loss ~ January 2011 #2

[ferrals5]

Melster-If the payout is for a workers comp injury claim and it is for lost wages then it is classed as income and subjected to child support and your DH will have to pay an arrears on that but if the claim was nothing to do work or to cover lost wages than she should not be entitled to any of it as it is for compensation for your DH future needs ect..
As for any investments you have together if his share of it has come from his wages is also subject to child support but if say it was an amount left by a relative or winnings on lotto ect then they cant class it as income and cant touch it but they can class any interest made as income so can go for a percentage of the interest it is all pretty tricky the best thing i can sugest is have it changed into your name only and say it is your investment that you had before you married hopefully they wont look into it but they cant touch anything that doesnt have your DH name on it.
Child support rang us and enquired about our new car and selling it to cover DH's child support as the car is in my name they cant touch it also DH's money is in my bank so they cant touch that but when he works they can garnish his wages.
And it doesnt take much for them to go into his bank and take money they did it to my ex when he refused to pay now they periodicly check his account and take a percentage of what is in there so have all your money in your account that does not have your DH's name on it.
We have put DH's child support on hold while the social security appeals tribunal look into it and then we are going to court as DH's ex is being a bi#ch aswell we have provided proof of payments on the mortgage in 2006 when she was living in the home and DH was not we have house settlement papers proving DH gave her 65% of the sale plus all the contents and he also took a hardship payment from his super and gave it to her for the house child support ect and she is objecting it saying it was his part of his obligations and he should have paid it plus child support DH gave her $6500 in cash plus an extra $13,000 from the sale of the house and his claim was excepted by child support until she put in an objection and now they are only excepting $2900 of it and trying to get him to pay $3000 he doesnt actually owe and they have admitted he doesnt owe it but as the debt is on the system he has to pay it before the $2900 will be credited to his child support HOW DUMB what he owes is what he is in credit and he gets a penalty every month for not paying but he is unemployed so has no money.
Anyway i have rambled on the best advice is get the money out of the joint account until it is all resolved and if the payout DH got is compo from work and covers lost wages it is classed as income so unfortunetly they can make him pay some of it to her basicly anything you have to declare at tax time as income is subject to child support so everything on your DH's tax notice of assesment is classed as income if it's not included in his taxable income then child support dont see it or know about it to put it in his assesment and your 2 kids together will reduce the amount payable.
I hope that helps a bit but if you are worried put it all on hold ring the social security appeals tribunal in sydney and they will look into it all on your behalf and it goes to court.

[dory]

Dee aka Sunshine - oh my sweet, congratulations on the birth of your son Obed ( can I call him Obie wan? As he already has the wisdom of the ages, the strength and determination to prevail and a love from his parents that knows no bounds.....) Thankyou so much for letting us know what happened and I"m with everyone else - trust your instincts, you did already and it proved to be the right thing. Fight for what you feel.

I am sorry that Obie isn't well right now - I can't begin to imagine just how tough it is for you right now.... but never stop believing and never stop having faith. I know that you and Obie can get through.

Glad to hear you're physically healing.... it's a tough recovery huh? Seems your milk has come in? Yay for swollen engorged breasts! Are you leaking all over the place yet? Pump like crazy it helps. Kangaroo care is just so good for you and Obie.

I am sure the Drs & nurses have already told you, but Obie won't be able to suck for a while yet, and his lungs will take some time to get the hang of things too but it's excellent that he's not ventilated. What a strong and clever little boy he is. Irrespective of his health, you would have celebrated every single moment with him, so do so now, it's nothing more than you would have done anyway.

Look forward to hearing your updates.

Just wanted to finish off by saying CONGRATULATIONS OBIE - you have chosen the bestest parents ever!

Forshelby - I hear you sis about slackers not rsvp'ing. I am with T - Miss H and I will come down and help you celebrate - I could do with a trip to the Goldie.... just say the word and we'll be there - 20th Feb huh? I'll put in in my diary, so now you'd better send me an invite seeing as I've already rsvp'ed.

Angel - stick around... look at me..... I can't leave for exactly the same reasons as you. Glad you got help and had such a special moment with your girl when you got back. Yay for newborn cuddles.

Alish - sorry you puked! Blergh. Hope you feel better.

Reet - Just so glad you came through Yasi ok. Hugs to YOGI.

Ferrals - v scary stuff but yay for a date.

Sorry I know I've missed some but I have to go and grab something to eat otherwise I'll spend my whole night on here. Hugs.

Forsehlby - I would go to the hossy, cause then you'll have been checked out and then you don't have to worry..... :0

[Melster]

sorry about the lack of personals.....

im so stressed im crying. i have had a huge fight with hubby today.... and whats happened its too much to talk about......i have had to go to mums.....the baby i think has been going crazy and i have never felt that before and im really worried. do u think i should i should go to the hospital. how much can stress effect the baby....im trying to stay as calm as possible but its not working


ferrals......its such a complex situation.......the money wasnt workers comp but a car accident....we had insurance and he got paid wages but we had to pay all that money back and were paid for two years and she still got full child support then....then he went on disabilty for two yrs and still paid child support. for three years the two kids lived with us and she had two and we got settlement while they were with us........the confusing part is our cheque went everwhere first like centerlink. insurance. lawyers and to csa............so if she was intitled why didnt they take it then........thats what i dont understand.........he doesnt do tax returns because he is on disabilty and they stopped paying him for a year anyways..........................and she owes us money through csa....so what happens to that......she is the one who was running her own buisness and not declaring it and not doing her tax returns.....so what happens there........hows that fair...................she only got those kids back to get money and this is a year later.....she doesnt care what there doing....she isnt even looking after them........i hope someone is watching over us.....although after tonight im not even sure whats going to happen between us...............ill probably put half in my account and hell do something with his..........its not fair when she wouldnt spend a cent on the kids anyways..probably kick them out after it..hows that fair....when she has been done for child abuse..she buys them nothing and leaves them in ratyy old holey clothes...we buy them everything.....she is doing the dodgy and were being punished.....

[ferrals5]

Melster-firstly bub will be fine a few the girls here who went through my whole ordeal with me of genetic testing cvs's and cvs samples being dropped then amnio's and the extreme stress of waiting and waiting for the 1-4 chance that i wouldnt be bringing my girl home and finally the results knew the stress i was under for 5 months of my pregnancy and little miss is fine bubs cope well so dont let your stress make you worry more.

2nd if the compo was paid in leau of wages then yes it was income and the csa calculate that in child support but as you said before we got our check it went everywhere lawyers centrelink medicare ect before us so csa should have no reason to claim any more from it.
And with her oweing you money ask the csa if your DH child support he pays to her can be reduced to pay off her outstanding debt.
My DH only pays 70% of his child support to his ex because we have proven she was over paid in 2006 we just need to go to court and sort out the debt they cant wipe from the system because his ex refuses to aggree.
And if your DH is still on disablity payments that it is similar to unemployment and the csa can only take the minimum amout so from what you have told me i would definately ring the social securtily appeals tribunal if you cant resolve the problem and they are a 3rd party so dont take sides and go over everything and settle it in court at no cost to you dont give up fight for your rights.

[forshelby]

Here are my persies, as promised. Sorry I didn't go back further, but I'm cutting into naptime here. Hehehehe.

Possum - Ikwym about the unidentifiable cravings! Frustrating!! Thank goodness those have passed, now I know what I want but I have to avoid it because of my stupid GD. LOL, catch 22 there! Good to hear you've got some solid symptoms though, as annoying as they can be they're also so comforting. Almost 12 weeks already, YAY!

Sunshine - Hooray for Obed and his first BM That is fantastic news. I hope you're enjoying your kangaroo cuddles, and that he gets to go home soon. I hope the icy weather over there eases off so you don't have to worry about falling over. I would be worried about that, too!

Kmm - How far along are you now? Get yourself a ticker, girlie I agree though, the symptoms are icky, but then when they go you start to worry. *sigh*

Alish - No googling here, I promise I heard that if your vitamins make you feel sick, try taking them at night after dinner, right before bed. I do that anyway, just because it's convenient and easy to remember as I used to take my BCP before bed, so it just replaced that routine.

Murraycod - If you're lurking in here, YAY! Can't wait to read your BA, hun.

Tegam - I thought so too, but just the.. glueyness of it made me a bit uneasy. I haven't noticed anymore so that's a good thing. I'd say you're right, it's just hormonal and I'm paying too much attention to the toilet paper. LOL. How's miss Molly going?? (By the way, this is my darling kitty cat's name, and we also call her Miss Molly. Sometimes she likes it when we sing 'good golly miss molly' to her, hahaha)

Mildez - It's still there on and off but it just feels like it's from carrying all this weight. If I'm too active or bending over cleaning floors etc it's worse, so I'm just keeping an eye on it. Thanks for checking up on me. I can't imagine the strain of having to work so late in your pg.... you're such a superwoman being able to do so.

Ferrals - Looks like we're both normal then hehehe. I can't say I enjoy the feeling of it either, it's kind of..... yuck. LOL. I will keep an eye out for this pink jelly glob though hehehe. Oh the joys of pg!

Melster - What a complex situation! I have a headache just trying to read and comprehend what's going on. I'm sorry about the fight with your DH too. PM me if you need to vent at all. Try not to stress about stressing... if that makes sense. Bubby will be ok.

Dory - Aww, thank you so much for offering to come down and celebrate with me (You too, Tegam) but I think I'd be too shy lol. Plus I feel just a teeny bit like a loser for having everyone I know reject me..... I think it's just best if I forget the whole thing and count myself lucky I know they suck NOW, not when I need them for support. Thanks though, I know you'll all be with me in spirit at my imaginary party, lol.

AFM - Finally got our air-con installed in the house today, it's HEAVEN. I feel like I can actually get things done now, except that I need a nap lol. I have another dr's appt tomorrow, and enjoyed a trip to the 'vampires' office today to have more blood drawn. So over BT's..... this one hurt and I felt sooky afterwards. My GD is under control, every time I take my blood sugar it's within normal range, even when I'm naughty and have something I'm not meant to. I've only had 2 elevated readings, and they were after eating out so no surprises there. I must be looking huge these days as wherever I go people stare at my belly. Some point and others say things thinking I can't hear. (Not nasty things, just random comments like 'ooh look!') It's a bit off-putting. I don't know where to look or what to do, lol. I try to avoid eye contact and act natural, but I know my belly attracts a lot of attention. I am yet to see someone as heavily pg as me though out and about........... could it be I am the pregnantest on the Gold coast? LOL. Or am I the only one stupid enough to still be out running errands. Anyway, I ramble.. NAP TIME! Bellyrubs to all.

[damprye]

Just stopped in to check out how everyone is going. Not stopping to do perssies but I am reading all your posts

[dory]

Melster - hey - hope you're ok at your mums. Sorry you and DH had a fight. My obs ( who I trust implicitly) says that stress and worry won't harm bubs.... but just affect your mojo. So at least that's one worry off your shoulders huh?

Forshelby - no way are you opting out now.... it's locked in.... I sooooooo want to come down and celebrate this little miracle baby in style.... it's weird, I used to be too shy too and it is a bit out of my comfort zone to do something like this ( my inner thoughts are saying.. be ware of crazy internet imposter stalkers) but why not throw caution to the wind? I so want to hang out with you on the Goldie in our flip flops and see the beauty of your "ginormous bump" of the pregnant-est woman on the Goldie. Besides, as I've often said before we are cosmic twins. BTW - I look nothing like my avvy.....Purrrrrleaseeee can we? purrrrrleaseeee? Is begging a bad look? I am going to PM you now.....

Damprye - is that a new avvy? hey look at you 10 weeks! Congrats. Hope you guys are ok in the heat and not affected by the bushfires.

Murraycod - yay not long now til Little Cod is swimming their way into the real world.... I can't wait. It's been a long journey huh?

S&S -Dee - joey cuddles all the way from Aus for you little man Obed.

I need to go and sleep too. Sorry again for not too many persies. Thinking of you and your passengers ( just for proper attributions I borrowed that phrase from Audax- hello sweetie if you're still following - enjoy those newborn cuddles)

[Tegam]

Dory - Aww, thank you so much for offering to come down and celebrate with me (You too, Tegam) but I think I'd be too shy lol. Plus I feel just a teeny bit like a loser for having everyone I know reject me..... I think it's just best if I forget the whole thing and count myself lucky I know they suck NOW, not when I need them for support. Thanks though, I know you'll all be with me in spirit at my imaginary party, lol.
.

Just doesnt sound like Dory and I like that idea too much, sorry but i think that we have to CELEBRATE such a wonderful lady and that perfect BUMP! Does Dory have your mobile number?

Dory i totally agree with the stalker freak out internet stuff but i think if so many people can find someone to marry on the net then surely i can find some friends??

S&S Sounds like things are going well, i agree that you do need to protect yourself against the small things so you can be stronger in the long run! Im glad that DH was able to have a hold and bond with Obie! Love the name and the meaning behind why you chose it! Goodness know why god chose you to have this journey but please know we are all here for the long haul!

Mel: Wow so much going on for you. Thinking of you heaps!

Damprye: Hello! Im that same at the moment, i only get a few minute at the computer at a time to by the time i have read everything i have to go, then by the time i get back there is a whole new lot of replys! Hope you are well!

Alish: how are you going?

Ferrals: 33weeks tomorrow! You are doing so well! So 36days until you can get back into the rough stuff

Mildez: thanks for the visual about your veins!

Dory: Ill text you re Miss Forshelby!

Ok i think im caught up!

AFM: Tomorrow its been a year since my ectopic surgery, to be honest im not ok Millions of emotions running around and i always knew not dealing with it at the time would bit me in the butt eventually. I have so much to be thankful for that its not really fair to feel this way. Thank goodness i have Molly-Rose, i just gaze at her! Sorry for the downer, hehe i didnt mean it! Didnt even realise i was going to say anything in here.... Anyway bellyrubs to all you lovely ladies!

[dory]

TegamM - wow - did you notice how I added to your name? hehehe.

sweetie - tomorrow is a really big day for you.... I am so glad you said something. Don't feel guilty for those thoughts and feelings ..... it's ok to feel completely crappy and joyful and thankful, and hard done by all at the same time, or in quick succession. Just because you're sad about your angels and what is quite major surgery both physically and emotionally, doesn't mean you're not thankful for any of your little ones. It just means you have feelings about those events and they are separate to your feelings for Molly, but at the same time all interconnected?

I don't know how others manage it, but I can never ask myself the "what if" questions.... if I do it does my head in.... cause it would go something like this... if I had never had my first miscarriage I would never have nutured and birthed Amelia, truly the most amazing and wonderous experience ever, if Amelia hadn't died I wouldn't have had the pure joy of being pregnant with twins and the sheer terror at the prospect of parenting twins. If Nicholas and or Sophie hadn't died then I wouldn't have been able to hold Nicholas and bring him home, the only one of my angels who has come home nor be a zena warrior princess and birthed Sophie drug free nor had the 7 day DTD marathon that resulted in Hannah's pregnancy, and I wouldn't have had Hannah's 40 weeks of pregnancy and I wouldn't have Hannah, who is simply a treasure. So in reality how can I ask the "what if" question... I will never know the answers and to be honest, I don't want to know them because it means choosing between feelings and experiences I can't possibly choose between. All of which have helped mould me into the person I am now... and to be honest I think I like me now a lot better than the version before my TTC journey.

Your precious Molly is so worth it, but it doesn't mean the feelings you have for your ectopic angel and your other angel are any less valid. Just don't beat yourself up with the what if's tis all.

I agree why not find some friends who have had similar experiences and share an understanding of grief? Besides nothing ventured nothing gained... see the brave new me?

Think I scared Forshelby away....