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Thanks Kelly for your reply - both you and Jillian have made me cry....what you say is so true, it is the way you bring little boys up and I just loved what you said about the fact that Elijah gives you miles of smiles....makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.....I can't wait to meet my little man, but there is a part of me that is extremely aprehensive (sp?). Lucky I have such lovely girls like yourselves to help me through it....
Can't thank you enough for your very kind words....
Love Megan xx
I've always wanted to have at least one girl and with my 1st pg I did hope for a girl. But after 2 m/c all I wanted was to have a successful, healthy pg and so when we found out this bub was a boy I didn't really feel much either way in regards to relief or disappointment IYKWIM. It was just nice to know in itself. I totally love the idea of a boy now - wouldn't know what to feel if the OB suddenly turned around and said oops sorry it's a girl LMAO!!
After my first little girl was born and I fell pregnant for a second time, I thought it would be nice to have two girls.
When my son was born, he had major health complications, and all thoughts of "wouldn't it have been nice if..." flew out the window.
All I wanted was for him to be healthy and happy.
He's a beautiful little boy, full of smiles, life and the most adorable snuggles! I just love him to bits :smt058
With Evan I didn't really mind either way but was hoping for a girl. When we found out it was a boy I just said Oh well we'll be having another one.
With Glenn I really really wanted a girl. At the 18 week scan i said to the lady I'm sure I keep seeing a penis & she asked if we wanted to know & we did & she said its a boy, i said Oh bloody hell! I did shed a tear, only one & have to admit that I was disappointed but within 5 minutes I was over it lol. Duringmy labour with Glenn I did say at one point it would be so much easier if I knew it was a girl.
With the next i think i will be heartbroken if I don't get my girl. But again i will deal with it. But I will also be watching my cycle this time & swaying it my way. Today though I was thinking about it & I think i am begining not to really care as much as did. I thin wanting a girl just stems from always saying it & that its really not that big a deal.
I know I posted before but I thought I'd let Megan know what I've gone through... just as a reference... I only thought I'd ever have a boy. Thats all I wanted, thats all we planned for, neither of us ever expected to have a girl. I was horrified when they announced a girl to us... I even cried once I was on my own... now I love my girl more than I would have ever imagined before, today she just cracked me up heaps & we laughed & played and had heaps of fun. I could have had that same fun with either gender...
Hey Jillian, my brother is 19 & a full foot (maybe more) taller than our mum. Anyway, he still gives her cuddles all the time & kisses her bye every time he goes away over night even with his friends around. He is such a sweetie & so very protective of his sisters (even though the 3 of us are older). He can't wait for my little man to be born so he can teach him all about cars & help him build leggo castles!
So what I'm saying is yup, boys can grow up loving their mum's to bits :)
Thanks for posting Christy - I guess I just always had my heart set on a having girls....don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to bits about our little boy - it was just a shift in focus for me. Perhaps now I am supposed to be a mother to boys - if that is the case, that will be OK as I am working towards being comfortable with that.
We will try next time for a little girl, but with my cycle all over the place, I think that another healthy baby will be all that we can wish for....
I love hearing all of your thoughts and expereinces...thanks so much
Megan
I've written the article and uploaded it HERE. Hope some find it useful or helpful :)
When Angus was born I had a few say if I'd try again for a girl. DH would dearly love a daughter but wanted to stop at 2 kids.
I always imagined that I would have a girl, so I was a little dissapointed at having another boy.
I love my boys to bits. Thay are so ace, when thay are behaving of course. Now that I have convinced DH to have another baby we have reserched the gender selection theories and have decided to do all we can to have a girl. But if it is a boy that we have then that will be it. No more babies for us.
One day I may well be an Auntie to a lovely little girl and for me that will be very special.
Hi Everyone,
We just had our u/s this morning and found out we are having a boy. I'm so happy that the u/s went well, and everything appears normal and healthy, but I have to admit I was really praying for a girl... I feel terrible saying that :-#
The thing is, my sister gave birth last week to a boy (first grandchild), and, having already been disappointed not to have the first grandchild (I am older and live overseas from my family, so I wanted my baby to be a little bit extra special, IYKWIM), I thought that at least if I was having a girl I would be bringing something different to the family - I know my mum would have just loved picking out baby girl stuff!! So I can't help feeling that my having a boy is going to be a very slight disappointment to everyone, not just me... or should I say, not disappointment, but it would have been even more exciting if we were having a girl?
Plus all the babies on my husband's side of the family (his cousins etc) have all been boys so far too. I know everyone will say 'lucky you - think of all the hand-me-downs you'll get!', but I had visions of everyone being excited about the first little girl in the family and being that much more excited about buying presents etc.
Am I focussing too much on what the family/grandparents think? As well, I'm definitely more of a 'girly-girl' and was so looking forward to picking out little dresses etc... Sorry - that sounds really silly!
Sorry for rambling on - just wanted to see if you thought I was thinking things out of all proportion?
Bertie
Hi Bertie
I too understand how you feel as I desperately wanted a little girl as a first bub (and grandchild and all the other things that you mentioned) as well. I have now had my little man for 19 days and wouldn't change it for the world. I just love my little boy to bits and am now soooo glad that I have a boy.
I think that your feelings are totally valid and it is good to have a forum/thread like this to discuss our feelings and this very important issue.
Hang in there - wait until you see his little face - it will change everything!
What I found easier was shifting my attention to all things BOY - I am like you 'a girly girl' - but once I shifted my attention away from girl things, having a little boy felt so right.
Your son will be the most beautiful little man you have ever seen and once you have him in your arms, you will forget about feeling the way you do now (this is how it was for me and I hope that you expereince the same joy!)
All the very best with the next few months
Megan
Thought id add to this one.
We had no idea at all with DD. Didnt care one way or another as everything was new and exciting so whatever we were blessed with was fine. As long as everything was in its place.
Pg again i have to say id prefer a girl. I think its only cause i know what im in for with girls so it would make life easier. Plus i think girls need sisters to grow up with. Again thats probably because thats what im used to haveing 2 sisters only to grow up with.
I know i wouldnt mind if we had a son because it would be nice for Dh to have a son to tinker in the shed with. One each sounds less selfish i suppose.
I had a scan the other day and found out the sex of our baby. I cant disclose the result though because id like DH to know first and he hasnt decided if he wants to know. Plus FionaJill is hanging to find out so i really cant say.
Im happy with the sex and i no our family will be complete once this child enters our family.
Hi Jillian and Megan,
Thanks so much for your words of support - it was good to vent my feelings here, and to know that so many others feel the same way!
I'm feeling a lot better today, and I'm getting a lot more excited about my baby now I know what it is, as I can really start picturing him and all the things we will be able to do with him.
I spoke to my mum last night - she's so fab, always knows exactly the right thing to say - I thought she'd be a tad disappointed, but she just said, 'oh, that's so wonderful, the two cousins will be able to play together and share all their toys!' My sister was also really pleased at the thought we'll be bringing up two boys at the same time. So I guess speaking to them really helped me get more excited about the fact 'he' is a 'he' IYKWIM.
Megan - I know EXACTLY what you mean! Yesterday I went out and bought my first tiny blue outfit, and started looking at all the blue blankets etc (forcing my eyes away from the adorable pink stuff), and you're right, once I had that little blue outfit in my hands, I did feel a lot better.:
Thanks girls,
Bertie
We have been looking at all the different gender selection techniques as hubby & I would really like to have 3 boys & a girl. I have just found out that I am pregnant with baby No 1. It was a complete surprise as we hadn't planned to fall pregnant this month. We both really want a boy but if this baby arrives and is a girl we'll still be happy and just means that we have the opportunity to have another try, lol. I know that hubby will probably feel the disappointment more than I but once he holds the baby, he'll love either gender the same way.
Best Wishes
Sharon
As I already have two beautiful daughters I guess part of me would like to have a boy this time around, although it doesn't matter either way and I wouldn't be disappointed if it wasn't a boy. When I think about a little boy I get a bit scared..... I just wonder how different having a boy would be. When I was pg with my two girls I really did want girls, when I was pg with my 2nd daughter I prepared myself just in case I was having a boy. I don't know why but the thought of having a boy kind of worried me.
I'm just really grateful to be pg again and although a boy would be nice I'd be happy either way as health is of the upmost importance.
All my family are saying I'm having a girl again and even the people at work are saying I'm having a girl. It's quite funny really cos when I first fell pg I thought "this is a boy" but now I'm not so sure.... oh well.... in three weeks hopefully I'll find out for sure and then I'll be able to buy pink or blue stuff, I can't wait!
I think its interesting that alot of mums would prefer a girl over a boy. Even though they've already had a girl (like me) they'd still prefer a girl.
Wonder why this is. Is it because we are women and want to dress up these little people in pretty clothes and play with there hair, where as boys are rough and ready and getting a cuddle out of them is like asking them to eat all there vegetables.
Just thought id write this as i find it interesting.
Im sure though haveing said all the above that mothers who have had boys would maybe prefer boys because again they know where they stand with them. Some mothers would like girls i know.
What do you all think?
Jillian I have heard so many good things about having boys and having seen a friend of mine with two adorable boys it seems that they do tend to be a lot smoochier. My older daughter isn't quite as affectionate, she can be quite aloof, she's more affectionate with her dad. My second daughter is a real mummy's girl, but would you believe she's more of a "tom boy", when she was little she use to love tools and cars and stuff. She's not into girly girl clothes and loves her skateboard and those sort of clothes.
I think having girls could be a comfort zone type thing, I never thought about dress ups, hair and make up etc, dance classes and all that stuff. I think it's because I'm female I thought maybe I'd do better with a girl, I don't know, I also think it has to do with my relationship with my mum, it's never really been good and that close, and I really wanted a daughter to give lots of love and affection to. My older daughters loves her clothes and having her hair done all nice etc. Whereas my younger daughter, is a pony-tail only girl, who gets around on a skateboard although she loves to show me dances and sings to me all the time!
Jillian IKWYM! I have 2 close friends who both have boys, and both their sons have always been MORE clingy and cuddly than Paris. Thats not to say that Paris doesn't give cuddles, as I get them ALL the time. Yes I do believe boys are different, but not in a bad way just different chemisty is all. And I do have a girly girl, but I also know I could have a tomboy as I was when I was a kid. I also know of little boys who are very gentle and not rough at all. A perfect example of this is at Kinder, we have a set of twin girls. One is more girly then Paris, only wears dresses, very gentle and sweet doesn't like to get dirty etc etc and the other will only wear pants, love spiderman talks in a gruff voice and plays with the boys not the girls! LOL!
Anyway thats just my 2c ;)
*hugs*
Cailin
I have a friend who has 2 adorable boys and they quite clearly love their Mummy very much by the cuddles and kisses they shower on her!!
I don't think all boys are rough and tumble, just as I don't think all girls are girly girls (I've certainly NEVER been a girly girl!). I think it's very much like you said Cailin.....just different chemistry. And every child is so very different to the next, as is the way every parent chooses to raise their child - no two are ever the same!
being pregnant with my first i really dont know!! i think i like the idea of a boy first, so if there is a girl next he can be a big brother protecting her?
but it has been interesting to read all of your feelings on this,
Linda
We are expecting a boy with this pregnancy, and as such I have chatted with both my Mum and MIL about the differences they found between boys and girls. (My Mum had 3 boys and 2 girls & MIL has 2 boys and 1 girl)
They both seem to echo each other in their comments and that is:
~ All children are different, regardless of gender
~ Children change in their levels of affection depending on their age/stage
One thing they also both tend to agree on is that their boys were generally more affectionate with their Mummies! (I know I was always a lot more affectionate with my Daddy!)
This is an interesting thread, and no doubt one that will forever bring up all sorts of interesting comparisons.............
Because I was kind of hoping for another girl this pregnancy, I have purposely been imagining it's a boy and thats all I think about. It has really worked, and now Im equally excited. We will find out the sex in 3 weeks, but Im happy with whatever outcome we get. xo
Hello everyone,
I found this forum quite by accident, but I feel compelled to reply. I just had my 2nd son, and I'm feeling quite depressed. I wish I could say any of the positive things I've read from you guys in these posts. Throughout this pregnancy I KNEW I was having a girl. I even bought pink outfits, blankets, etc. However, my dream was not to come true. I had another boy. Yes, I am thankful he is healthy, but I am so sad that my little girl is not here. I actually feel as if he has taken her place, or that she has died. I keep reading the post by the woman who was sure she was having her 3rd or 4th boy, but she actually had a girl. I wish that had happened to me. I hate feeling this way, and I can't get over it. He is now 3 months old and I feel no better. I'm even afraid to try again and have another boy and go through this again. I feel like this was my last chance. Why couldn't I just have had my baby girl like so many do?
Feeling sad and miserable,
ram3113
awww ram *hugs* Although Matilda was my first child, I felt all along that she was a boy, and I bought blue things, and was ready for my little boy to come, when "he" was a "she" I was so upset I needed heaps of time to grieve that loss. *hugs* We have an article on the main site about gender dissappointment here and in another forum here we have been discussing this too.
I voted that I was happy with either gender. What annoyed me was the fact that so many people assumed we were trying for a boy after having 3 gorgeous girls. Even after we had Olivia..we were at the shopping centre and a complete stranger came up to us and asked if we had got our little boy. [-X I felt so upset that people would feel like that. We have said consistently that we are hoping for a healthy baby. :D Not that I dont appreciate when other people might want a specific sex..thats completely understandable..but i dont think it should be assumed.
Jo
When I was pregnant with Yasin I thought that I wouldn't mind what gender the baby was but at the ultra-sound when they told me it was a boy I was really relieved.
Up until I got a BFP I thought that I wouldn't care if I had a boy or a girl but the second I saw that second line I found myself hoping for another boy.
I'm sure that I would love a daughter just as much as I would love a son it but I've never really been a girly girl and I'm much more comfortable with the idea of sons (or maybe a tom-boy). Also I worry that my DH would be really over-protective if he had a daughter.
Now that I've owned up to it I've probably jinxed myself into having a daughter. 8-[
Hi - a friend of a friend is due to have her third son soon and she openly admits shes devastated about it. She's already talking about trying again for a girl. But she is going to see someone about her feelings. There must be some sort of support thing for women like this.
I have a 3yo daughter and found out last Friday we are expecting a boy in November, and whats the first thing people say when you tell them 'how lucky, a pidgeon pair' - I hate to tell them I would have liked to have had another girl. I'm actually quite nervous about the thought of raising a son. A daughter you can try to model on or against your own upbringing but what do you do with a boy ?
And then this morning, I heard 'little ray of sunshine' on the radio while I was driving and I burst into tears. No more talk of a Matilda or Amelia or Tara - now I have to deal with circumscion !
Barb.
We only want a healthy baby... I don't care what gender it is & neither does DH.
I am excited & nervous about it being a boy, coz I really don't know what to do with one, but at the same time I had no idea how to raise a girl until DD was in my arms & it all just happened.
A work colleague is devastated that she is having a girl (It's their first & I am baffled that she is SO upset about ahving a girl)
But her sister has 3 sons & she has only ever had nephews so it's all so dauniting for her to be having a girl!?
No matter what we have this time we will have one more & if we have 3 girls we will love them as much as we would have had they been boys!
I am a tom boy too, so is our daughter, probably will get one girly girl & not know what to do with her! #-o
*bump*
Don't forget to check out: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/pregna...disappointment
I dont know what our baby is as yet.... will know in 10 days...
I really really want it to be a girl.. & am not sure how I will cope if it happens to be a boy (DH has 2 boys already from previous realationship).... So I guess it is likely that it may be a boy... but I still cant help desperatley wanting it to be a girl....
I had a feeling with this pregnancy, that Declan was going to be a boy and he is . ;) It didn't bother me either way though as long as bubs was going to be healthy.
Mitch, I had two stepsons, and when exH and I were trying to fall pg, I really wanted another girl.
When I fell pg with Mitchell, I first didn't want a boy I think because I compared with the exH kids.
I'm probably not making any sense, what I mean is, how much of wanting a child of any sex has to do with what the daddy wants???
I think we feel a pressure to "produce" what our partner may want. I know I did with Mitchell, I re-read my old post and I remember being pretty stressed as DP was always raving on about how much he wanted a boy, and I didn't really want one (the exh's boys were pretty high maintenance), boys were smelly, whingy things in my eyes.
When that boy was born I fell so HARD in love with him, my SON! I couldn't stop saying that. I started getting teary at the stupid margarine ad with the big strapping fella giving his mum a kiss!
If its a boy (which you know I'm betting that it is!) he will be YOUR boy. Try not to worry, all will be well
XXOOO
Lucy
Thanks Lucy... Reading your post was just like I had written it myself.. well apart from the last bit (cause I havent had Goober yet LOL)...
Thank you for your supportive message & you know I will let you know what Goober is LOL... :D
I notice this has been bumped up again.
Well now that I am actually pg and actually having a boy I've had to re-examine my feelings again. Those of you who know a little of my history will know that this pg is the result of an IVF cycle after several years of infertility and that I am 37 and have no other children.
For some reason, I had always imagined I would have a daughter. When I saw myself with a baby it was with a girl, definitely not a boy. I have four nephews (only one niece) so it isn't a matter of not liking boys. There is no way I would not love my nephews or this baby because they are boys.
Right from the start of this pg, I have maintained that the baby would be a boy. I think it was partly to ready myself for that possibility because I knew there was a high likelihood that it would be a male and I didn't want to have any kind of reaction in front of the ultrasound technician. I'd also had a feeling from the earlier scans that it was a boy because it so closely resembled my husband, it was hard to imagine that this baby was a girl.
For various reasons (probably mainly to do with infertility) I had not bonded with the baby up until this most recent ultrasound. I decided I needed to know the sex to give the baby an identity and start referring to it by name. I had viewed the previous scans with much interest but complete emotional detachment. I was keen to feel SOMETHING because this not feeling anything was strange and unexpected to me. I thought because I had waited so long that I would be rapturously in love with the baby long before it was born so to not feel that was disquieting.
We saw the spine, the brain, the heart working as it should ... then we saw his face and the lips were making sucking movements. I thought "Oh, that's kind of sweet" and at that point I turned the corner. When the technician showed us the rather obvious male features of the baby, I didn't feel the let down that I thought. Instead there was just a feeling of acceptance and peace about it which was a relief.
I know once I see him for real that I will love him and of course there is nothing I wouldn't do for him even now but still in the back of my mind is the hope that one of the nine embryos we have on ice will give me a daughter. Of course there is no guarantee and I can't select the sex as it isn't allowed in Victoria so in the end, what will be will be.
I have been reading Steve Biddulph's "Raising Boys" and it has helped me to think about and deal with the fears that I had prior to this. I now believe it is possible to raise a son to be strong and capable without "toughening him up" and that boys don't have to have learning and social problems. I hope I will be able to parent him well.
Sorry for the long post ... I think I've taken up too much space
Theresa,
Thanks for that. I feel like such an ungrateful freak having feelings like I have had considering how much effort went into getting this baby in the first place. It's hard to explain to people that it isn't that I don't like boys, it's that I don't like the way our society has chosen to raise boys over the years. They have different needs from girls and require different handling. There has to be another way. I really liked that book so I hope you like it too - if it turns out you need it of course! Good luck with your scan.
Mel
Hi all
I won't find out until 10 Jan but DH and I are hoping for a boy. HE's the only boy in his family and although his two sisters have 3 boys and one girl we still want a boy. My neice will be upset though because she thinks its time for another girl - she is only 7. I'm sure though we'll be fine with a girl as long as its healthy that is the main thing.
A friend of mine had two boys then tried this "choose your sex" diet and program and it worked for her she had her girl. She said she knows of 2 other people it worked for as well. If anyone wants to email me I can get the website address for you (once I contact my friend). Even if it doesn't work you can have fun trying! The most important thing here is that we all WANT a child and that is the best thing since there are so many unwanted children (ie China) in this world. I was reading in the current "Who" magazine that most of the overseas adopted children (by Australians) are from China and they are all unwanted girls. Can you imagine that if they continue to "throw away" their girls in that fashion for years to come how are they going to keep reproducing?
Oh well off my soap box now - for me its still a long wait!
As you can see from my signature I am not pg yet! Well I am in my 2WW! But was just scanning through the posts and thought I would add mine.
Like Neeny I really wanted a boy because of the family name and DH is so into motobikes etc and thought he would want a boy. When they got her out and said, "its a girl!" I looked at DH and said "I'm sorry". Alot of friends were worried about this because of PND etc.
Everyday that I look at her I wouldnt give her back for the world and DH just loves her to bits! I asked him if he was disappointed that we never got a boy and he just told me he was glad she was healthy. Then I asked him about the next one if we had a girl, and he said, "as long as the baby is healthy it doesnt matter, although I would PREFER a boy now".
I would prefer a boy this time but as DH said, as long as the baby is healthy that is really the main concern.
Love
Hi again
Well I found out today and its a girl! We were very surprised since we BD on O day too! OB said that Shettles thing isn't reliable. I was disappointed at first.
We're not telling anyone so they can keep guessing. Hope inlaws don't hound me for their boy "only one to carry on the name" grandchild. Have had a difficult pregnancy and don't think I will do this again. Unless we win lotto or DH gets a pretty big raise!
Looked at some girls' toys today and thought the dolls and barbie stuff was REALLY cute! So I guess I'm warming up to it. The only drawback really is having to pay for a wedding one day - maybe we can convince her to elope?
Anyway hope anyone else who is reading this isn't too upset about what they got - remember a healthy wanted child is more important!
We were convinced it was a boy but found out this morning that it's a girl. We're still over the moon. Both of us. We didn't really care either way. We're just having more trouble picking girl's names...
What an interesting thread. I haven't had a chance to read through all the previous posts, but I thought I would share my experience.
I have a gorgeous boy, Charlie, who is 18 months old, and I'm 24 weeks pg with DS2. We didn't really mind either way, but I suppose it would be nice to have a girl too (we were thinking of having 3 kids anyway, so it might still happen). When we found out about 'Bob' (what we're calling him so far) we were really excited. When DH broke the news to everyone (I let him do the calling) he would ask, "Guess what we're having?" to which everyone would reply "A girl!" Then he'd have to tell them, no, it's a boy, and then they sounded disappointed. It made me really cross. I am worried that because this baby will be the same sex as our previous baby he won't be as doted upon because everyone will have had their fill of little boys with Charlie. I don't know if this a rational concern or not, but I will be always trying to make sure that DS2 feels just as important as Charlie.
Anyway, so that's what's happening with us.