thread: Hubby's disappointed

  1. #1
    Fruitwood Guest

    Hubby's disappointed

    Hi, last week we found out that we are having a baby girl, which I am thrilled about and have already named, lol ( My first baby ). My problem is that my hubby already has a daughter to his previous wife and really wanted a boy. Before we found out he was really supportive and kept talking about the things he was going to do with his son and now it's like he's lost interest in having a baby all together. It's really upsetting. The dr said he was 90% sure that it's a girl so hubby is desperately hanging on to the other 10% that it could be a boy but now says that we'll have another one straight away if this one is definately a girl. I'm not sure what to do or how to feel. I get upset quite easily at the moment which i'm sure is just the hormones. I've had a really bad pregnancy to date and the thought of doing it again so soon is not very appealing, lol and I'd hate to think what would happen if we had another girl. Has anyone else's hubby's acted like this ? My ob said that it's just the disappointment at the moment that's talking and that closer to the date he'll start to get excited again and once bub is here, she'll be his little girl. I'd love to hear if anyone else has gone through this.


  2. #2
    mizzsocial Guest

    Im sorry your hubby is being like this He should be excited if its a girl or a boy..

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Oct 2004
    Back in Brisvegas :)

    Sharon - gender disappointment is a very real thing. There was a thread on the BB main page; basically coming from the point of view of the mother-to-be but I know it really helped me. I have heard many stories of women who have felt gender disappointment but for the most part talk about their love for their child the moment that baby is born and in their arms.

  4. #4
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  5. #5
    angel_eyes Guest

    Sorry to hear hubby is acting this way, he really should be overjoyed either way.

    If he doesn't pick himself up tell him that it's his fault anyway as he determines the sex ;-)

    I'm sure he'll come around.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Feb 2004

    I'm sure he'll come around when he sees his beautiful baby girl for the first time.

  7. #7
    BellyBelly Member

    Jun 2005

    Im sorry to hear of your DH disappointment at a girl.

    We recently found out the sex of our baby (we have a 2 year old daughter), and first thing DH said was ' well we're going to have to try for #3'. (he was so adamant we are only have two) I was shocked and disappointed, but then he quirked up and said how excited he was at having his 3 girls (me, and his two DD).
    I do think its a male thing - the macho mateship relationship they form with other males, and undoubtedly their sons. BUT, in saying that, i am one of four girls, my mother and father tried for a boy, but got 4 girls instead - we all loved rugby league and watched it with dad, we took an interest in his soccer and we used to go bike riding with dad too - the kind of things you would have thought fathers and sons would have done. Just because your little angel isnt a BOY, doesnt mean a special relationship with the odd footy game cannot be enjoyed......

    And as my dad used to say - he LOVED being the only male in the house, he got all the attention (or so he thought, he, he,he).

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Mar 2005

    Sorry to hear hubby is acting this way, he really should be overjoyed either way. You have my permission to slap him, if that helps ( a little humor to try to cheer you up). #-o

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Jul 2005

    Hi Sharon

    I'm sorry your hubby is disappointed and I'm sure it is upsetting you! This might be his initial reaction, and perhaps over time and by the time he sees his little girl he'll change his mind. Although he already has a daughter, I'm sure this one will be special in her own way for him.

    My DP has always said he wanted boys, was so adamant he talked about trying all the 'tricks'. I had some concerns, but after he has spent time with and seen our friends with little girls he completely turned around his opinion! Now, he's hoping this is a girl!! I agree with Jillian btw, 'Daddy's little princess' is a great tack to take with him. DP's mum wanted girls desperately and ended up with 2 sons and despite dying for a granddaughter up to now is saying she doesn't care.

    Also, Sharon, even though hubby might be disappointed, I sense you certainly are not. Don't feel guilty if you are happy to be having a girl!

    Tell DH that the dr only says 10% chance because they can't leave themselves open to being sued! If you discourage him from thinking there's any chance it's a boy, it might help him get excited about a girl.

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Jul 2005

    Hi there

    Sorry to hear that your hubby is being a little difficult about the girl vs boy preference.

    I am sure that once he holds his gorgeous little girl in his own arms he will just melt.

    I on the other hand have had to convince my hubby that there is a 50/50 chance that we will get a boy and not a girl - he was quite adamant that he wants a girl - he has come around a little in recent times - i have gone with the "best buddy" angle - either way he has assured me that what ever we get he will adore - as I'm sure your DH will also.

    Good Luck and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy


  11. #11
    Fruitwood Guest

    Hi, thanks so much for all your replies. Hubby is still not coming around to the idea that this baby is a girl and I do understand that a boy would mean so much to his family as he is the only boy in his family to carry on the family name all his siblings and cousins are all girls. I think I am finding it hard to deal with his negativity because I come from a family where I had 1 aunt who was unable to have children with her hubby even after many unsucessful IVF attempts and another aunt who had alot of trouble falling pregnant and this has come so naturally to us without even trying. I feel that this baby is a blessing that not every woman can enjoy so we should be grateful no matter what the sex of the baby should be. I know everyone feels differently and we'll look into gender selection techniques when we decide to conceive our next baby so that Hubby at least feels like we've given it a go, lol.

    Thanks so much for all your replies and advice.

  12. #12
    ms_fluffy Guest

    hi Fruitwood

    Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think your husband is being really immature about the whole thing. I mean, didn't he realise there was a 50% possibility that it would be a girl?

    He should really be sharing in your happiness rather than making you feel rotten about not giving him a boy to carry on the family name. What century does he think this is, btw?

    Hope he eventually realises how silly he's being. And, I agree with the others...try to appeal to his ego...e.g. tell him about the research showing that men with above average fitness are more likely to have girls, which is why sportsmen are more likely to have daughters.

  13. #13
    Registered User

    May 2004

    I'm in total support of ms fluffy. He is being a little immature about this. You are right , any baby is indeed a blessing and surely as the other girls have pointed out, he must have known that it could have gone eithor way?

    Try not to let it get you down, I'm sure that he will come to his senses once your baby girl is placed into his arms for the first time.