Hi Ashlea.

Firstly, :hugs:

Okay, here's the good news. You're going to be just fine. As someone who spent most of her 20's with severe anxiety and depression and came out the other side of it just fine (with a beautiful baby boy in my arms), I know where you're coming from. I completely understand how your mind is racing with one thought of dread after the other. I used to do that too, till I was told this...

Worry about the things you can change and forget about the things you can't.

Every womans experience during pregnancy and labour is her own and one can be vastly different to the other. So, reading everyone elses experiences really will give you no indication of what yours will be like, but I will tell you this. How terrible you imagine labour to be in your mind... is nothing like what it's like in real life. It's not as bad as you imagine. I am someone how cannot deal with pain at all! And I came through it no worries. In fact, two hours after, I was already talking about having the next baby. Just remember, no-one expects you to be a hero, so if you want pain relief, then take it. You wouldn't go to the dentist and have your tooth pulled out without some pain relief would you?

If you don't want your Mum there when the baby is born, then don't. But, having said that, I had my Mum there for support and it was great. DH's job was to rub my back and my Mum's job was to hold my hands and talk me through each contraction. Actually, they were a really great team. My Dad even ended in there with us... didn't plan that, but it was good. I was laying there, with my legs still in stirrups, being stitched up and my Dad is rubbing my arm, blubbering, telling me how proud he was of me. Dignity??? What is that??? LOL My point is... have there who you want. Since your Mum has been through it all before, it's probably not a bad idea to have someone in there that knows the ropes.

PND - If you think this is something that may become an issue, then speak to your GP now and tell him/her your concerns. Remember, it's not anything to be ashamed or embarrassed about. AND... it's not permanent, it will pass.

BellyBelly is a great support network too. And there's the parenting helpline which is 24 hour support.

I hope that puts your mind at ease a little.

Celsie. xoxox