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Thread: Something wrong-UPDATE

  1. #37
    lindie Guest

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    Hi Emz,

    We are going through this at the moment, amniocentisis isnt anything to fear and its pretty conclusive. I am glad to see you had some encouragement from your post I had posted a week ago when we found out our little boy had something wrong.

    My oldest brother has arthrogriphosis which is a debilitating handicap and I know how hard it is to raise a child with an incredibly complex disability so all I can say is please keep your chin up till you really really know. They can be wrong and im also only 26years old with 2 perfect children and absolutely no reason for any abnormality.

    Please see a genetic consultant as they are in place to talk to you about all these issues. Not just offer options they can put you in touch with people that can provide support. Downs children are very loving and gorgeous but you need to make the decision that is write for you.

    I know how you feel on the kicking, you just cant get your head around what you have been told with this little baby kicking you morning, noon and nite.

    Please let us know how you are going and make sure you get some support as I know its the worst time in the world.

    all my hugs



    Lindie

  2. #38

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    Hugs to you and your family Emma.

    Take some time to comprehend this information, ask all the questions you can, seek advice from others who have been there and think about your future (down both possible paths). Speak openly and honestly with your partner as to how you feel and what lies ahead.

    Good luck in your decision. You know we are all here for you when you need us.

    :flower: Kas

  3. #39

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    Emma I'm so sorry to hear your news. You and your family are in my thoughts at this time.
    Ask them as many questions as possible and see what help you would get.


  4. #40

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    Emma, you poor darling. When I was pg with Charlie I had the same thing: they thought something was wrong, so I had to have an amniocentisis. So I truely know how dreadful you must be feeling.....it is a terrible place to be in, so huge hugs to you.

    Just try & stay calm until you get the results of the amnio back. (I know that it is impossible.) But these results are the only thing that can give you a definate answer on Downs...the nuchal fold and the morphology scan cannot give a conclusive answer I don't think.

    The waiting for the results will feel like forever. Just hang in there.

    I will pray for you that the scans are givinga misleading indication, and that your amnio results show your baby girl as being perfect.

    I will be thinking of you. xx

  5. #41

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    Hi Em,

    I just want you to know that you and you DH are in my thoughts, and I will be [-o< that your amnio results come back ok, and that you are not faced with having to make such a hard decision.

    Please take care, and remember that we are all here for you...
    :hugs:

  6. #42

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    OMG Emma! I just saw this thread! *hugs* to you and your family. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow with your test. You just continue loving your little girl no matter what. Don't let anyone put pressure on you, you follow your heart.

    DH & I were actually talking about this yesterday, as we didn't have the NT scan done, so really don't know that our little boy is perfect. But I had a downs cousin who was just adored, and after she passed away my aunty was very involved in helping care for other children with disabilities, and they really are happy, loving, adorable people.

    But as the others have said, you don't know for sure until you've had this test. So I hope it all comes back ok. *hugs* again. Give your belly a rub from me. I'm thinking of you.

  7. #43
    *Rachel* Guest

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    Hi Emz - I don't know what to say that will help that hasn't already been offered by this wonderful supportive group.

    Hang in there and try to stay sane until your amnio results come back, you know there's a whole lot of support for you here whatever happens.


    Rach

  8. #44

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    Emz, I am so sorry to hear your news.

    The thing that struck me about your most recent post was that you said you didn't want to do either of the proposed options (the amnio I'm assuming, and then "making a decision"). I just wanted to remind you that you don't have to do any of it. It's your choice! Don't let them push you into having any tests you don't want to have.

    You still have a choice.

    If you'd feel better knowing conclusively whether your little girl has downs (maybe giving you time to prepare), then have the test - or on the other hand if you'd rather wait and meet her at the other end (as the person she is and not just a diagnosis) then tell your doctors that you don't wish to have the amnio. Either way, just make sure you're doing what's right for you and your family - not what you're being pushed into!

    Just ask yourself, will the test help you come to terms with what's going on - or will it add stress? Only you know the answer to that.

    I was just concerned that you might not be entirely comfortable with your doctors own values/preferred course of action. Remember that your doctor is seeing things from a purely medical/diagnostic point of view - most scientists (and my DH is one) see the world in a very black and white way. Being a parent is anything but black and white. Now is the time to trust yourself. You are her parent. Do what you feel is best for all of you.

    I am thinking of you.

    P.S. I know someone posted in the "children with a disability/illness" forum a short story called "Welcome to Holland". It might help you make some of the decisions you're facing.

    Here - I found it for you (though I'm not sure how to post URLS)http://bellybelly.com.au/forums/viewtopic.php?t=11566

  9. #45

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    Emz, thinking of you and bubs. Juliette has given you some excellent advice. Do not be pressured into doing what the medical staff have said if it doesn't sit comfortably with you (re further tests etc).

  10. #46
    mysterygirl Guest

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    oh honey this is so hard for you - i still have my fingers crossed big time that the amnio comes back clear - take you time - it won't make that much of a difference - you need to get your head around it all thinking of you

  11. #47

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    Emma, i am so sorry to hear your news.

    Thinking of you and praying that everything will be ok. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now but please know that we are all here to give you as much support as you need.

    I totally agree with everyone else, take plenty of time to think your decision through because once you have made your decision it's final,so don't let the Dr's pressure you into making such a big decision so quickly.......doing it too quickly may lead you to the wrong decision, and that will be something you and DH will have to live with forever.

    Whatever decision you make should be the best decision for you and your DH. [-o< ing that once you get your amnio results you won't have to make any decisions.

    Take care, i am thinking of you and your DH during this very difficult time.

  12. #48
    Sal Guest

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    Emma, I really hope you get some good news today. The advice the girls have been posting here is top notch, any decision you make will be one that will be with you and your DP for the rest of your life, so don't feel pressured into making a snap decision.

    I can't imagine what you're going through, but hope that you and DP can find the inner strength to make whatever decisions are best for you.

  13. #49

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    Emma, I am sorry that this is happening. Wishing you and your DH all the best.

  14. #50
    Melody Guest

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    Emz, everything I have goes out to you right now.

    This is right at the top of the list of "The most difficult thing a person will ever have to decide".

    You, DH & your beautiful little girl are in my heart......

  15. #51

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    Thank you all sooo much for your thoughts and information. It really does mean the world to me.

    After we found out yesterday, we spent some time with my close family, getting their thoughts and just letting it sink in. We talked about what it might be like to have a child with downs and also what would happen if we decided to terminate.

    I cried so hard and so did my partner. I never want to see him in that much pain again, it was soo hard not to be able to make it better.

    TMI following-
    I thought about what it would be like to have the termination- i would be induced but what would happen then? Would i hold the baby till she passed? do they drug them? Would she come out alive? Would i have a funeral for her and ask everyone to love and remember her after what i had done? All the while she was rolling around and giving me a good kicking! At first i just wished she would stop kicking and moving so i could stop thinking about how happy and healthy she is in there- apart from the downs. Tim kept putting his hand on my tummy and telling how much he loved her and how beautiful she is. That was the hardest thing. Also, thinking that once she had come out (if we decided to terminate) i knew for a fact that i was going to be screaming for all the help in the world to keep her alive but it would be too late.

    So, we love our little girl, our families love her and no matter what the test shows she is going to be a part of our lives. We know we couldnt go thru with it and the more we all talk about it we cant see it as a good enough reason to let her go so soon.

    I dont know what its going to be like. I have no clue, i think im going to feel really sad for her at times and ill want to protect her from the world- but dont we all want to do that for our babies?

    We have such a strong relationship and an amazing family to help us thru whatever comes our way. Our mind is made up, there wasnt much of a decision to make.

    I love my little Abby (She has a name!)

    Thank you all so much- mum and dad are here, will post after test.
    xx emma

  16. #52
    *TamaraP* Guest

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    Emma - I just loved your above post. It made me shiver.
    You and Hubby will make great, fantastic doting parents. And Little Abby couldn't get a better two.

    Wishing you all the best....

    Hugs and wishes...

  17. #53

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    Emma - I am so sorry that you have to be faced with this...

    The choice you make is 100% your own and your families. There will be people telling you for and against... It is very much personal decision...

    I just want to let you know that I have personally known a few people with Downs, and although it is harder on their parents, they definately made the right choice FOR THEM... the people with downs are just the most loving and caring people. And that is what you need to do... make the decision for YOU...

    Please take care of yourself....

    Thinking of you, Tim and Abby!

  18. #54

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    Emma,
    You are a truly amazing, loving beautiful woman. I am weeping after reading your post. Abbey is truly a very lucky little girl. I am sure she will give you so much joy and in return you and your husband are just the parents she needs.
    Please take someone to support you and your husband today. Sometimes these medical people can be very decided what they think is 'right'.
    You have made your decision and just ask that your decision is honoured.
    With lots of love,
    Deb

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