It sounds like you need to grieve your ttc journey. I think any focus on HpT is symptomatic of being in the mindset of ttc and if it was a long term thing, then it's understandable it is now part of how you think about pg and children. Our fertility can become really ingrained in who we are and how we think of ourselves. It sets up ideas about our bodies and their functionality, as well as emotional hurdles. Do you have a good counsellor you know or perhaps get referred by your gp to see someone to talk this through. It sounds like something that won't go away on its own.