I can't help you with VBAC information, but I would suggest you write a birth plan with your requests and ideally discuss this with your doctor, midwife & husband before going into labour. I'm sure you can find plenty of help on BB in writing a birth plan if you need assistance.
I had 12 hours of labour (ended in emergency c/s) - and my husband was there to totally help me through the excrutiating pain (my baby was posterier so it was particulalry painful). DH was not able to let go of me. He had to come into the shower, he sat on the bed with me, and he came into surgery with me... He didn't have to do much talking.
My stepmum was with us as well (until I went to surgery) - and she must have worded DH up on "what to say". He doesn't normally dish out many compliments - but he was a star. He gave me loads of compliments and encouragement - and that was what I needed to get through it.
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