Starting to worry about being mummy...

[Redhead]

Hi there,
I wasn't sure where to post this, so if it's not right move it on...
I am 31 weeks now and worrying about holding my baby.

This might sound odd, but to explain I suffer from a condition called "hyperhydrosis" (excessive sweating) particularly in my hands and feet.
It's brought on by heat, but worsens when I am nervous and then gets worse when I worry about it!
We are not talking about mild "clamminess" here, we are talking about full on dripping at its worst, it's really not fun at all!

Pre-pregnancy, I was taking anti anxiety medication to help lessen it which did wonders but I have stopped this for baby's sake and really want to breastfeed, so will not be able to take it after birth either.

I am so scared that I will not be able to give him the touch that he needs, or that I will not be able to hold him safely and securely too.

There are coping mechanisms that I have learned, like holding hand towels and keeping cool but these aren't ideal, very temporary fix.
This morning a lady at work came in with her new 2 week old baby and I freaked out so much, I couldn't even put my hand up for a hold!

How am I going to be a good mummy and love my baby properly???

[ebn_d]

that does not sound like fun at all hun. but i think that when its your baby your are holding, then it will all be ok. You wll be his mummy, and he already knows you.

Worst case you can find ways to be close and comfort him, with minimal contact with your hands/feet, eg) lying next to me, being more vocal so he knows your there etc.

Good luck and just trust in your mummy instincts!

[Jellybean29]

Your baby is made for you, God has sewn him(her) together in your womb and made him just right for you.
Don't be afraid, the minute you lay eyes on him(her) I promise the only thing you'll be thinking about is the amazing excessive LOVE you have for the little thing, not the sweating!

ETA: my boy finds so much comfort just in my smell, me stroking his chubby cheek and my voice, you can do all those things too!

[berrme]

Do you live somewhere hot? If not then your bub will probably be in wondersuit type outfits when little so they won't slip when you hold them. You also need to remember that touching doesn't need to be all about your hands. They love to lie on your chest or in the crook of your arm. You can press your cheek against them. If you are breastfeeding then you will most certainly bond and show your love then.
You WILL find ways to cope and your baby will love you regardless of sweaty hands.

[Taurean]

I've only just recently learned of that condition. It was on the Embarrassing Bodies show on channel 9. A young mum had it and had the same concerns you've raised. She had some good coping mechanisms in place but ended up having an operation to help stop the excess sweating. The operation made a massive difference. They may have a link to the story on their website if you wanted to have a look for ideas.

My SIL has had the operation too but a while before she had kids. It's been successful for her too.

Sorry I don't have any better advice. I have no doubt though you will certainly be able to bond beautifully with your baby. Get yourself a good sling and wear bubba close to you when you're unable to offer lots of cuddles. A good breast feeding pillow should help you to feed without cradling your LO if need be so you can still bond lots during a feed as you're LO will have the breast contact. Eye contact is also an incredible way to bond.

[HotI]

I often get a tremor (shakiness) and while it made me nervous to hold other people's kids, when my DD was born i wasn't nervous (well it didn't last long). i just planned different ways to make sure that she was safe when i was a bit weak or shaky. When your bub arrives, you will work out methods that work for you too. best wishes for your birth.

Also, sometimes medications are not recommended in pregnancy, but can be taken while breastfeeding. If you are in Victoria, Rodney Whyte at Monash is great for getting info on drugs and breastfeeding. You can also look up published info here LactMed Search

take care

[Just Me]

Huge

I worried a lot before my first baby was born too ... it is hugely overwhelming to have a little person that needs you so much. But it is amazing how much you can love someone and so quickly when you meet your baby. There are a whole heap of hormones and chemicals that your body produces that help you to love your baby especially in those first moments after birth. It is very different to seeing other people's babies. You will love him properly. I don't know much about your condition but I've held my babies in the shower before (when they are all wet and slippery) and you naturally do things to compensate and hold them in a way that they are safe. I have an issue with shaking (related to anxiety) and I shake a lot but I still manage to hold my babies and I find myself compensating to make sure they are safe.

Good luck with your upcoming birth

[melsa31]

I had similar fears to you before my son was born - but for a different condition. I have rheumatoid arthritis and like you, couldn't take my medication during the pregnancy and then while I breastfed. Due to pain, swelling and weakness in my hands, wrists and shoulders, I had difficulty holding my baby and it was hard. However, like the others have said, you will find ways to adapt and bond. Your voice, your eye contact, your smell are all wonderful for connecting with your baby.

I sat down a lot when holding my DS and kept him close to my body. In the beginning I also used the bassinet to wheel him around instead of walking from room to room with him. You can also be close by wearing your baby in a sling. Your baby will not care if you're sweaty, he/she will love you unconditionally!

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and I hope you can relax and enjoy your baby despite the difficulties.

[Gigi]

i had a similiar issue to Melsa (but RSI instead of arthritis), so just like i find alternatives in my everyday life, i had to work out alternatives for caring for a nb too. Then i had a labour with complications, so was like an invalid, at the same time as i was caring for a nb, by myself when (then) dh was at work, out etc.

i notice you have a partner Redhead, so that will help - to have a plan b with major things. For me, that was - i was unable to bathe my child safely, so our compromise was: ONLY dh would bathe DD, every 2nd night.

My suggestions, based on what i tried out, things i used to help, include:

using NATURAL loopy fabrics, e.g terry towelling, and cotton velour (as in, cotton velour flannels) for towels, nappy mat cover for the changetable. (Every nappy mat i have seen, is covered in PVC or nylon, so slippery.)

wearing tshirts with sleeves, so that when you cuddle baby, less skin to skin,
wearing well ventilated clothing (baby AND you), so avoid synthetics (i'm sure you already do). I discovered i sweated far less in bamboo tshirts.

as other people have mentioned, using the slings to carry baby, using a bassinette on wheels in the early weeks.

i had some bath mitts (made out of flannels).

If your condition is stress related, managing your stress will be very important. I underestimated just how prepared, i needed to be, before the baby came. I literally did not look at bills for a year after DD arrived. DD slept in two hour blocks 24/7, i was so sleep deprived, i let everything "go". Just did the bare essentials, mainly her personal care. I think labour and how your child will be, is all a lucky dip. You could be super prepared, and not even need it. I was prepared to an extent, but i was so unprepared in many ways, ways i only realised AFTER DD arrived. And then it was too late (for me).

Your baby's room becomes a working place, you are in there so often, changing and caring for them. That room needs to have the supplies easy to get at, and the layout needs to be workable. It's not the aesetics that are important, it's how user friendly that room is, that ends up having biggest impact on parents. Having working surfaces at a height that doesn't hurt your back.

You use your washing machine SO much more once baby arrives, make sure it's in tip top shape. Mine died, when DD was two months old, that was a huge stress, going to a laundrette once a day, for many hours, when i was too ill to drive, with a nb - what a pain. I should have rationalised before she arrived, the washing machine is 14 years old, replace it whilst pregnant, not wait until it died, like i did.

i think my main suggestion, being a non-medical person, would be to have as many of your things and baby's things (clothing, linen, etc) made of natural fibres, e.g cotton, hemp, bamboo. i could not find a cover for the pregnancy body pillows, that was natural fibres.

[MsKara]

I had the same types of concerns while pregnant. I have a wrist disease that is extremely painful, and in the last surgery had my wrist fused and a weight lifting limit of 3kgs for life. I thought, 3kgs?? How am I ever going to lift a baby?

My bub was 4.8kgs at birth and I was terrified I wouldn't be able to carry him around, but 4 months on we are doing just fine! I rely on the pram a lot while we're out, sit while holding him as often as I can and lay him beside me for cuddles. Even when my wrists are killing me and I can't pick up a coffee mug, I still manage to hold him without problem! As the other posters have said, you will find ways to do it! :-)

[Gigi]

MsKara reminded me, the first few years, i was constantly worried i would literally drop my baby, especially when out and about (concrete), plus our floor at home was concrete with 1mm lino on it. It never happened, i was in pain alot, my wrists still experienced spasms when i would drop things, but i never ever dropped my baby. I really had to monitor my own fatigue levels - apart from the sleep deprivation part, i had to work out stuff like - only have ONE outing per day, schedule things for the morning (when i had more energy). Stuff that would sound pathetic to anyone else, but i had to do it, to be safe with lifting DD. And always getting dh to bathe her. I tried to get dh to do supermarket shopping (due to the heavy lifting) but he wouldn't do it. In hindsight, if i had done online shopping with delivery, that would have been sorted. Anything you can outsource, that saves your strength and stress levels, means you have that bit more strength/energy/patience with your nb.

i found being pregnant, going thru labour, having a nb, breastfeeding frequently, i felt very overheated - maybe it's all those hormones racing around. Anyhoo, having comfy summery clothing and enough fans, was a must. You get told "baby can't regulate their own temperature for first six weeks", but it was a surprise to me, that I would feel so warm, as well.

if you intend to breastfeed, or give it a go, i felt hottest, and clammiest, when feeding by pulling up my tshirt - cos then baby's skin was against my stomach and breast. When i swapped to bf-ing tees, when my stomach was covered by clothing, only bit of me exposed was around the nipple, there was far less skin to come into contact with baby, so i didn't sweat so much. SOme bf-ing clothing, the access is from the top. You unlatch the strap (just like you do on a maternity bra) and all your breast is exposed. Other bf-ing tops give the access from the bottom. Have two layers of fabric over your stomach, you lift up ONE of those layers and there are holes cut out where the nipples are.

[HotI]

I used a pram inside the house to 'carry' bub around the house for the first few weeks when i wasn't feeling strong.

Kmart has breastfeeding tops like Gigi was talking about. They are my favs and cost around $12 - $15. I wear one almost every day with a cardy, hoody or shirt over the top.