Holding children back = new trend

[Papillon]

I went to a Open Day at a private school today. As DD should be starting Prep 2010 so we are starting to look around.

I was talking with the Prep teacher (or one of) and i asked her about the April cut off and how it will affect her as she turns 5 in March. She started with, "the trend these days is to hold the child back a year, keeping them at home for another year then starting them when they are 6"...

"the trend?" i cant get past that statement....

I went on to ask more question's, as DD's Kinder teacher and i think she will be well and truly ready, and the teacher at this school said they do evaluation's at the end of this year, as to whether she would be ready. Which is fine, but i just got to thinking.

DD started 4 YO kinder when she was 3, turned 4 during first term. Her kindy teacher's didnt even notice a difference between her and the older children, as she was the only one who was 3 going on 4, not 4 going on 5. And so i had just presumed if she was to continue developing at the rate she has, then there would be no question as to whether she starts prep in 2010.

But the way inwhich this prep teacher was talking was if, that it wouldnt matter if she appeared to be ready, they would most likely prefer to hold her back due to the "trend"!

Now i have never been one to follow trends, and i am not going to start now.

Why would i want to keep my daughter either, at home or at kinder again, where she will be bored and then possibly regress???!!! argh

Anyway, i just really wanted to know some more, either thought's experience etc etc from other's who have been here. Being she is my first, this is all new to me.

TIA

[~Trish~]

You as her mum will know better than anyone if she is ready to start school next year or not. The whole reason April is the cut-off is because obviously it has been proven that most children within that age range are ready! How frustrating to hear someone say that to you! But I guess she's saying it because she probably sees a lot of preppies who really aren't ready to be there either IYKWIM. But as I said, you would know better than anyone if she's ready or not and it definitely sounds like she's ready

[Caramello]

I know that my nephew and the son of a friend of mine were kept back as both their parents and preschool teachers felt that they were not behaviourally ready to go to school.

This was in contrast to my brother that went to kindergarten at 4.

Interestingly enough both of them are now showing signs of behavioural issues (one ADD, one Aspergers).

Its hard to know whether they will be emotionally able to cope, which is probably why people err on the side of caution.

[Trillian]

A trend is a trend and nothing more. If you know she is fully ready to start next year then start her - most of the 'trend' is borne out of some sort of social thing that has nothing to do with children themselves or how ready they are or not. The 'trend' for those going go the convent school in my town is to hold them back a year too. But if you really want to send her to this school next year and go against the trend she is going to have to cope with making friends with older children etc and in some cases she will be a full 12mths younger than some of her peers. In my experience that side of things doesn't really matter much in the long run and I have often had a quiet chuckle at some parents IRL who say in April that they really wished they had of sent them to school instead of keeping them home because they are dead bored at preschool and are playing up etc.

[Rouge]

I hear ya DS turned 3 in March, which puts him as the last child in his class to start Kinder. He will probably be on of the youngest in his class. But y'know what he was ready, he was probably more ready than some of the other kids. And as I was told its not about education, as that is something they learn *at* school, but moreso its about social skills and the ability to understand tasks, group activities and the biggest one how to say no to another child. These are things they look for (well here in Vic anyway) to see if a child is school ready. However, if for some reason when he is assessed at the end of this year, it shows that he is not ready I will cope with that. I've been told by heaps of people I should hold him back due to his age, and whilst we've thought about it often especially when it comes to coping with VCE emotionally, we will probably send him through as he is. For us I think it would be cruel to hold him back without reason.

[feeb]

I was one of the youngest in my year level at school and cause me no issues apart from when i started uni I couldnt go to lots of O WEEK activities as i was under age.

So thats not really a reason just me trying to prove a point. If a child is ready to start school let them

[Von]

As someone who as meet your DD I would say she is deffinatly ready for school next year..In some ways I think oyur dd is more mature then mine..deffinatly more well behaved...

[AliBaby]

Let me tell you that the youngest child in my kindy class last year was the most mature out of the lot and also the smartest. He was an all round kid and would have suffered if he had been made to stay back a year before starting school.

Age is just a number at that age. A four year old can have more maturity than a six year old. If you think that DD is ready you send her hun. Bollox to that teacher who said it is a "trend".

In fact if she wants to look at "trends" then she would see that more and more children are going to school at the younger end of the scale.

GL with your decision.

[SamiH]

Oh, this is my bug to bear at the moment!

My son 01/02/03 baby - we sent him to school last year for kindy after preschool the year before - he was one of the youngest boys in his class (only 1 younger than him)!!! We have had issues with him settling in (apparently), but they have dissipated now. But I thought that was what kindy/prep was for .... silly me ... settling in etc.

However, IMO only - the reasons I think they thought he was "unsettled" was because more was expected of him compared to the rest of the boys in the class - being in some cases a full 12 months older than him!

Well, my daughter has just turned 4 on 09/04 and is in preschool. No issues - she is doing everything she should be doing and enjoys it, separates easily etc. However, my SIL has kept her son back who turned 5 in January - so my daughter and her cousin who is 15 months older than my DD will be starting school at the same time - what the???

So yes - it is hard to make the decision as a parent without second guessing.

I am very thankful though that there are 7 April babies in DD's preschool this year!!!! but most of them like my DD are subsequent kiddies and not firsts IYKWIM.

My DD is little too - I am sick of the comments about holding her back - size doesnt matter - she knows more now than her brother did before he went to school!

Luckily Zander is a September baby and I wont have to worry about this.

It frustrates me I suppose cos I am a May baby and when I went to school the cut off was 30/06 - and my hubby is a Feb baby also so we were "young ones" too.

I think the Dept of Ed should look at this again as 12 months between the ages of kids in any one class can be ALOT ....

Ok, thanks for letting me get that off my chest

[Papillon]

LOL Von - darls you will see, she too can have her moments.

Guys, thats exactly my point. I do believe she will be well and truly ready come 2010. As it is, she has NO problem stepping into an unfamiliar sceneiro and just going "hi kids, my name is *insert name here*, can i play too?" , or she just goes up to a group and starts joining in. She also get's along with all ages, it doesnt matter what age, she is not deterred. Younger child, teenager, adult, elderly .. she just like's to communicate and socialise.

And as for her maturity, she definately display's a higher maturity than other's at her kinder. Take for example the day when in the bathroom one of the boys had put poo on the floor and neither teacher had seen it. I happened to be there as we were doing a cake for her bday with her kindy friends. Anyhow, ALL of the girls were standing around the poo going "eeewwww yuk oh its poo ewwwww"... DD heard the comotion and went to investigate. She walked up, pushed through the group, looked..yep saw it was infact poo, she went into the bathroom, got some paper, came back, wiped it up, promptly flushed it down the toilet..went and washed her hands and came back and said to the girls, "there its done, now lets go play"

Her teacher and i just stood there, stunned...and laughed. She is just such a 'mothering' kind of role i suppose, but it displays her maturity.

Although, she can have her share of a tanty, and look like a right royal prat when she wants.... but that i put down the fact she is so independant, and mature for her age, yet she still does have the mind of a 4 year old and often cant understand why she cant do something, or why we need to help her etc etc...

The only thing i am watching atm WRT her starting to primary next year, is her ability to tke direction. 85% she is good at home or when we are out (so with us), she will do what we ask. But there is a % when i have to repeat myself more times than i can count which drives me insane. But yet, when i spoke to her kindy teacher on thursday, i asked her does she do what you ask etc etc and apparently she is exceptionally receptive when it comes to instruction. She has no problems helping when they ask her to do something. The one thing she was doing was no wanting to sit still when they would have a story, however, she said in term 2 she is ALOT better so she isnt concerned.

So, i will watch that but by what i know of her, and see and what her kindy teacher thinks is that she will be ready.

I just couldnt believe, that from a school whose fee's for prep are just under 4k, that they would prefer we follow trend's, WRT to our children. This to me is just rediculous seeing as the whole and ONLY reason i was even contemplating paying the amount of fee's this school cost's, was for the betterment of her education from word go. And even then, thats because i know her, she learns and picks up things so quickly, that she often gets easily distracted. So i really want to ensure i send her to the best place.

I am now thinking though i will look at the other public schools in the area, as i sure as hell will not subdue her to trends before she is even old enough to be affected by these herself (peer preassure etc)...

I have also thought about the whole issue of she will be the youngest in all her years, and how this may affect her, BUT..... i cant help but come back to the fact i KNOW if i keep her home next year it would do her more damage. As it is, i am considering putting her into 1 day of child care, not for me, but for her. She is used to going to CC 3 days a week, and since kinder started we took her out of CC (we also moved), but we thought kinder would be more involved mentally so thought it best she do her 2 days there and that would be enough. But i am finding, everything she is doing at kinder is all she was doing at CC anyhow, actually she was doing more at CC (learning how to write).... so, i am finding on her days off, she is playing up more than she used too. So, seeing as i have taken on this new job, i said to DF yesterday, maybe i should put her and her brother in to CC.

Hmmmmm

I am just stunned about this trend stuff... but then really, its neive of me to be stunned lol

Thanks for your thoughts etc guys its definately all alot to go over.

[Floweryfields]

I went to a Open Day at a private school today. As DD should be starting Prep 2010 so we are starting to look around.

I was talking with the Prep teacher (or one of) and i asked her about the April cut off and how it will affect her as she turns 5 in March. She started with, "the trend these days is to hold the child back a year, keeping them at home for another year then starting them when they are 6"...

"the trend?" i cant get past that statement....

I went on to ask more question's, as DD's Kinder teacher and i think she will be well and truly ready, and the teacher at this school said they do evaluation's at the end of this year, as to whether she would be ready. Which is fine, but i just got to thinking.

DD started 4 YO kinder when she was 3, turned 4 during first term. Her kindy teacher's didnt even notice a difference between her and the older children, as she was the only one who was 3 going on 4, not 4 going on 5. And so i had just presumed if she was to continue developing at the rate she has, then there would be no question as to whether she starts prep in 2010.

But the way inwhich this prep teacher was talking was if, that it wouldnt matter if she appeared to be ready, they would most likely prefer to hold her back due to the "trend"!

Now i have never been one to follow trends, and i am not going to start now.

Why would i want to keep my daughter either, at home or at kinder again, where she will be bored and then possibly regress???!!! argh

Anyway, i just really wanted to know some more, either thought's experience etc etc from other's who have been here. Being she is my first, this is all new to me.

TIA

What state are you in? I haven't heard of anyone keeping their child back till 6 for prep in Qld. Prep in Qld is the year before grade one. The whole idea of the prep changes in Qld were that children would be 18 the year they finish school - they must turn 5 by the 1st July to go. Some children will turn 6 in their prep year because they missed the 1st July cut off the year before. But your child makes the cut off by a lot. I don't understand why they would want you to keep them back another whole year. That would mean they would be 19 when they finish year 12 and mid to late 20's if they do a uni degree. That's quite old.

The other thing to consider, as long as you pass the rules with ages, I don't think they can deny your child a spot.

[Papillon]

Okay, im not just getting totally confused. ok

I am in victoria.

DD bday is March 2005.

So she turned 4 this year, will be 5 by April 2010. So, if she starts school next year (prep), she will be 17 in year 12.

Hmm that would mean she would be generally younger than anyone else..... right?

So really, she shouldnt have started 4 year old kinder this year, if you were to look at it that way......

hmmmm
this is doing my head in!

[Liz]

We're in NSW. DS is in March, and all going well, he will turn 5 in his first year of "big school" which is kindergarten. Then there's the 12 grades. I think cos it's fairly early into the school term that he'd be turning 5, it would be a long year if we were to hold him back. I'll just be going on what the preschool teachers say about him. His will be a social issue more than academic I think.. I think he'll be smart enough.. just needs to work on some social skills! hehe.

I have read somewhere that it's beneficial for boys to be held back to be turning 6 in their first year... was in Raising Boys? hmm.. might go have a look. Don't know about girls.. oh yeah.. it was something about certain skills that boys are 'behind' with compared to girls in the early years.. it even mentioned things like using scissors.. altho.. my DS was using scissors at 2, so not sure about that one LOL.

I think just go with your gut and with what the preschool teachers say. If they're ready they're ready.

[Floweryfields]

Right in Qld prep is the year before school. School starts with year one - pre used to be called preschool - till they changed it and confused everyone- two years on and we are still scratching our heads!

That's why I thought your daughter would be 19 finishing school, if you kept her back for prep till 6 she'd be 7 in grade one.

So with her being 5 in prep (year one here) she will be a year younger than children have to be to start year one here in Qld.

I thought the whole point with Qld changing was to bring us 'in line' with the other states - clearly this is not true.

I think it should be made uniform across the country and called the same thing too!