Would you go into debt for your childs secondary education?

[YoYo]

No I wouldn't. I'm happy with the education I received at a public school and I'm more than happy that my children will also go to public schools. In my opinion, if a child is excited by learning, then they will do well anywhere. I think it's up to my and my husband to make them excited to learn in the first place. School's can only do so much....

I agree with this 100%....I have this debate with the IL's (and DH) sometimes. I was publicly school educated, and they were privately school educated. I chose not to go to Uni because I'd already decided what I wanted to do by year 10 and I got into it and studied it. They went to Uni, racked up debt, but it got them no further in life than me. With DS we would see if he wanted to learn and whether it would benefit him first before we ever took that path....I'll be pushing for public education, it does not harm!

[Nicambhar]

Really interesting reading all of the replies.. My crap situation aside, I often wonder why people feel the need to plunge into such a huge commitment.

Minimax - you are so right. I was a straight A student and went to the local high school cause my family couldn't afford to send me to a private school. I never went to uni, but I eventually did my certificate IV in business at TAFE, this never put me a cent into debt and I got a fabulous job and now I work from home for my DF. Whereas XH's wife has done half her teaching course, half of something else and half of something else IYGWIM at uni and thinks she knows it all. When she and my X got married he realised that he also married her $30k hecs debt

Janie - the 12 point font thing is nothing, you should see the txts I get, sometimes I could knock his head off his shoulders too.

Thanks for the support ladies, so muchly appreciated but my job is still not any easier. I hate being in this position.
I just talked to DD on the phone and she didn't want to talk about it because she is enjoying her weekend away with her friends. glad she's enjoying herself.
I feel like forwarding his e-mail to his work, friends, family and the school so they can see just what a lowlife he and his wife are...

[Janie]

Oh I feel sorry for you!!! My dad used to send my mum 5 page letters, explaining all the things he wasn't happy with . Usually nonsense. However, if he called our house to talk my brother and I, and mum answered, he couldn't get off the phone quick enough!!!!

[Turkish Delight]

Sue, so not expecting to read what i just read.

Hugs to you and your DD. What a father! I bet your X and his wife were looking for some petty excuse to send DD packing back to your house. Just because the money dried up, they weren't going to go into debt for her. How pathetic. If he thinks DD is rude, well he's just effing childish.

Your DD doesn't need him or his wife. Good riddance i reckon. How can a parent hang up the phone to their own kids? What if there really was something important she needed to talk to him about, like an emergency situation??

I think DD needs to go into a school that you can afford now. Why wait until the end of the year and rack up extra expenses for yourselves? She is going to leave that school anyhow isn't she?? What difference will a term make? In fact, it will give her a head start for next year, as she'll already have made friends.

No kid wants to leave their friends behind, but it's just part of life.

I agree with the others, make sure you get some form of documentation which states that DD will be with you from now on.

Gl hun.

[Bathsheba]

Really interesting reading all of the replies.. My crap situation aside, I often wonder why people feel the need to plunge into such a huge commitment.

We have spent well over $100k on our DD's private education... not just highschool... since pre-school. Worth every cent.

Why? Both DH and I were bright students in the public system. We were both very let down by the public schools and by our parents. Essentially I was a shy student who found that most of my teachers time was spent keeping the loud/disruptive students under control. DH was brighter than me but there was no individual differences program back then... he just twiddled his thumbs waiting for everyone else to either catch up or shut up. Our parents either didn't think that there was a better option or didn't want to spend the money... they preferred to spend the extra money they had on themselves... in my case boats/golf/horses/new homes. I asked to go to a private school where there were only girls because I thought it might help with some of the teasing and pressure to have a boyfriend etc. Both DH and I were just pushed through the system like sheep... well that's how it felt.

We are not sending our DD to a private school only for academic reasons. It's also so that she can receive pastoral care and benefit from the excellent sports program (she is very into sport). We feel that the culture of the school is what we are paying for. It's a very safe and caring culture. If my DD has any issues we are contacted immediately. If she doesn't hand in her home work her teacher gives me a call. Last year this annoyed my DD... because friends of hers that attend the public highschool said that the teachers there don't call parents if you don't do your home work... this appealed to my DD (LOL) and she said "I want to go to a school where the teachers don't care so much" Hmmmm.

Ok so we haven't gone into that much debt. At the moment each term costs about $5,000 and we are usually able to pay off the credit card that we use to put it through before the next term is due. The most tangible proof that we are getting value for money is in our DD's confidence. She is an average student but her attitude is one that has her believing that she can do anything if she tries hard enough. Her teachers have an exceptionally high morale and all seem to love working at her school... this transfers through to the students.

I guess we all parent in a way that makes up for things we all feel we missed out on as children... I always had lots of "stuff" lived in brand new and nice homes with pools and all the mod cons.... but this wasn't what I needed. My parents ended up divorcing and all that stuff was lost anyhow. I always say too that "you can't repossess an education" even if things do get dire.

DH feels that his skills were never maximised at school... he never developed that confident "can do" attitude until well into his adulthood... he wants our kids to avoid history repeating itself at all costs. It means that ATM we have to rent... but you can buy a house anytime... our kids only get 1 chance. Once they have left school then then you can't change your mind... it's done.

[Turkish Delight]

Baths. Well said hun.

Would you/do also send your other kids to private schools to?

I am having this dilemma atm.

[murraysmum]

i will be letting my son decide me and dp have been talking bout ag college thats if he wants too we would fork out the 34 thou a year for him to attend but if he wanted to study music i would do the same thing it depends on what they want and need same with uni we would help with some of it not all of it as they need to learn what its like to stand on ones own feet without struggling so much they see no light at the end of the tunnel

scolloships are great as they set you up to thrive

[Bathsheba]

Ta TD I felt a bit nervous about the reaction I was going to get... being so "pro" the private system.

Our 5yo DS is attending a local public primary school for two reasons: It has an exceptionally good reputation and also because he is a very shy child we wanted him to go to a school where he knows as many other kids as possible. All the kids in our street go to this particular school. DH wants to transfer him to a private school (that goes from prep to year 12) in grade 5. Most of the families with boys in our street end up sending their older boys to this school too for highschool.... and all the families are exceptionally happy with this school. This school also has a pre-school and we are thinking of putting our youngest (currently 3yo) there too... so he might go right through like our DD did... from primary to highschool. Expensive yes, but at least we'll get sibling discount! I'm also hoping to teach eventually and might apply to this school. I worked at my DD's school when she was in grades prep - year 3 and so I received a 25% staff discount. Well, that's the plan anyhow.

ETA: we most likely won't be helping our children financially if they go onto uni. When I was at uni I had a casual job and paid my own way. DH also feels that our $$$ responsibility ends in year 12. We also won't be helping them buy cars or houses.

[sunnyday21]

Bathsheba - completly agree with what you have said. I to am a believer in that you only get 1 opportunity especially with education. I would spend the money on my children too. Well said.

[Bathsheba]

Thanks Sunnyday and welcome to BellyBelly!

Just to add another dimension to it all: I believe in the public system and if I thought that my children could get the best possible education in the public system I would use it. Unfortunantly it's just not the case at this time. I am a Socialist at heart and there are other aspects of my life that I feel more strongly about: like using public transport. We, as a family, use the public transport system daily. The idea of going into debt to have our own private vehicle doesn't sit well with us at all. I know that we are lucky in that we have busses and trains within a blocks walk. I know that some people have no choice but to go into debt by about $20,000 to have a car. But lucky we don't. I often think that if I drove and we were a 2 car family then we then wouldn't be able to afford private education. I guess you can't have it all. For US as a family we believe that money is better spent on education than transport... but that's just us... I don't expect everyone to agree

[Muppity]

ETA: we most likely won't be helping our children financially if they go onto uni. When I was at uni I had a casual job and paid my own way. DH also feels that our $$$ responsibility ends in year 12. We also won't be helping them buy cars or houses.

This was how I was brought up as well Bath. My parents always told us that they would buy us the very best education that they could afford but it was up to us to do what we wanted with it. If we went to uni or wanted to buy things then use our brains (and brawn) and get on with it ourselves. I turned out just fine! And you know what - its how I plan to bring up my kids too.

[Bathsheba]

I agree Muppity I don't get the need for parents to give deposits for homes especially. DH and I have resigned to not being able to afford a home until all the kids have left home.... and that's ok. Then we won't have to downsize. I know my parents are proud of having bought my sister and I so much stuff... but all I really wanted was butchers paper to draw on LOL I think they were a product of their own childhood... they were children of poor farmers... they must have always wanted stuff so focussed on giving that to us. Still... i dunno... I think a good education is the best of ALL investments.

ETA: Ta widdly