blardy let my son down already

a boohoo, but a woohoo in a selfish evil kinda way:lol:

XH was meant to have DS tonight, he was meant to pick DS up from my house at 6pm after he finished work. It has been planned since last Thursday, DS was looking forward to it, excitedly helped pack his bag this morning.

XH phones me at 5pm. He is sorry but could I please have DS tonight cause XH has had a bit of a head ache all day at work and is feeling like he has a cold coming on. :rolleyes: I told him he had to tell DS that he wouldnt be having him tonight. DS wouldnt listen to the phone, so i had to break the news to him, naturally.

I am angry that XH has let my DS down. I am angry that I told DS in advance that his Dad would have him tonight, I should have realised that he would be let down. DS is fine, yes he was disappointed, but he is young enough to not really get upset and angry about it, just a bit disappointed and let down.

FFS, when have I ever not been able to take care of my son when I have been ill?? If he had gastro, then yeah, it would be better for him to stay away, but for a possible cold, which by the way DS and I have just had so XH probably got it from us anyway.

The woohoo part, well XH has been this perfect dad for the last couple of weeks since splitting from me, was making me angry cause its the first time in DS life that XH has really shown much interest which is a major reason for our break up. Now XH has reminded me of why I left him, so yay, a bit of anger toward him right now will really soothe my broken heart.

Oh and my friend asked me why I didnt fight him on the phone and force him to have DS. I refuse to be responsible for trying to build a relationship between XH and DS, if he wants a relationship with his son he needs to do it by himself now, its no longer my responsibility, has caused me too much stress.

I will no longer be telling DS when his dad will be picking him up, from now on it can just be a nice surprise when it happens:shakehead:

That is so harsh for a 4 year old! A freaking cold coming on? that's weak! That was awful you had to tell DS too! You really shouldn't have to force XH to have a r/ship with DS at all either !

:hug:

i am so sorry hun, if this carry's on happening as your son gets older he will see for himself what's happening. i really hope that doesn't happen. you are doing the right thing by not telling him and having to let him down. huge hugs xxx

thanks guys x

HE rocked up at my house at 10:30 this morning and took DS out for an exciting lunch, no doubt to re-launch himself to perfect father status. When he dropped DS back home he said "thanks for having him last night, I was just really emotionally drained so i thought DS would be better of here" oh wow, cause Ihavent cried myself to sleep every night for the past week at ungodly hours. Then he goes on to tell me he stayed up til 2am, so he didnt get any decent rest anyway??!! Fing loser!

big :hug: little guy

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I will no longer be telling DS when his dad will be picking him up, from now on it can just be a nice surprise when it happens:shakehead:

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... it sounds like a good plan maybe for a little while seeing he is so young and hey who doesn't like a surprise at any age BUT i'd be careful that your EX picks up on you doing this which could enable him to get away with making excuses even more in future, like it sets a pattern for him to do and he gets to do it without feeling any guilt and he never had to explain himself to your DS :shakehead:

(Elissa if you have time please read my thread i popped on tonight about my single Mum friend, i'd love your ideas and foremost to say your EX is not the only in the way he is !!)

thanks kim x

Lorelle, I just posted in your thread, you are amazing. I also thought about how XH will get away with out having the responsibility and keep jerking DS and I around, its just that its been 4 years now of me trying to knock some parenting sense into him, I feel like I am flogginga dead horse IYKWIM

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thanks kim x

Lorelle, I just posted in your thread, you are amazing. I also thought about how XH will get away with out having the responsibility and keep jerking DS and I around, its just that its been 4 years now of me trying to knock some parenting sense into him, I feel like I am flogginga dead horse IYKWIM

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... OMG you sound like the friend in my thread, she's just beyond it ... with her EX it's **All** about him. He was over at her place a few weeks ago and she told me he was gonna take the girl's out for the day but he stayed sitting on the couch for 3hrs without seriously moving. Then she told me in front of him how someone was knocking on her door at 1am that morning, she was petrified and rang him to come over (he lives only a 10min drive) so he sat there without batting an eyelid about someone belting on the door at 1am but instead whinge that she woke him up and how tired he is now, WTF ... and she mentioned to me in front of him that it was the first time in a year of the split that she had ever rung him for help.
I told my DP about it as he met him briefly once and he said straight away he is immature and self-centred.

How do you knock parenting into someone after 4years when they haven't 'got' it yet ?? She is so the same Elissa and she would understand you !! One thing she is so glad about the split is that the home enviroment is so much more peaceful then when they were living together and it was important to her that her girl's didn't live with one if not two miderable parents !!

This morning he messaged me to say that he would be dropping Archie off at 9am on Friday instead of 4pm cause he is dropping his car off to be serviced at 9:30am. So apparently it isnt possible to take care of your child when you dont have a car for a few hours???

SO, I dropped Archie off to childcare then went to XH house with my calender and told him I refuse to be so flexible wany longer. I made him sit there and lock in dates and times that he will have Archie for the next 3 months. I told him he had to commit to a time for pick up and drop off and stick to that time. He tried his hardest to fight against committing to a time, giving me all these excuses, "what if I am tired from night shift?" blah blah blah, nearly got heated but he played the game eventually and I have his Archie times locked in on my calender and I made him put hten into his calender while I was there, so now there should be no reason for excuses or arguements. If there is, then my head might start spinning and green vomit will probably spray!

Works out that he has Archie 3 nights a fortnight, **** poor for someone who works 4 on 4 off, but better than nothing.

... you know what you can only do what you can do, if XH isn't going to be involved like you would like him to i can't see how it's really going to change, he will break a pattern eventually if it's what HE goodness sakes doesn't want to do ... if at this age he can't think past himself for his own adorable son well that's his silly lose, what a fool he is.

As for Archie he will survive above it all, and he will one day learn you did the best you could for being two parents.

Focus mainly on your and Archie's relationship, you two enjoy your lives together .. make that a fulfillment and fill it with all the love, laughter and happiness that you are able to ... make it your LIFE to do so ... and as for XH leave him to fail at Fatherhood, i understand you are doing it for Archie but you can't make him a better father after all this time, XH has to DO that so leave him to it pftttt !!!

Off you go Elissa GO live life and love your days with Archie, what a little whirlwind of love right there not to mention the laughs you will have with him.

Time to live life now, no looking back ... it's time TO GO FOR IT woman :cheer:

Lorelle, you are like my own private cheer leader! LOL

THankyou sweet, I read a couple of self help books last night all about loving ME and looking after ME, they knocked some sense into me and taught me that whinging about XH all the time will only make me feel worse. Time to let go and forget him, Achie and I are gonna have the BEST life starting now!

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Archie and I are gonna have the BEST life starting now!

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... oh i just sooooooo love that, yep in a nutshell sounds blardy fantastic ... YOU GO GAL :cheer: