Please help me feel less on edge.

I'm almost 6 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child, after losing our last precious pregnancy. So far I have no real logical reason to worry, I've had no bleeding, spotting, increasingly dark tests (I've taken well more than is normal or socially acceptable to admit in public :redface:), no real cramping, have been having some early symptoms etc. From what we know, it all looks fine. But I just can't seem to relax and I am stressing myself to literal tears. After our last loss it took us 3 years to try again. I simply couldn't face it again so I convinced myself that we were happy with just the one and it was only when my desire for another child became embarrassingly obvious and impossible to ignore that I was able to open my heart and try again.
Now I have everything that I ever wanted but I seem unable to enjoy it because I am just so terrified! I check every single time I go to the bathroom. I'm still peeing on things and frantically comparing the lines. I'm having repeated dreams about miscarriage and bleeding. I'm freaking out at every niggle in my tummy, freaking out because I don't feel 'pregnant' enough yet and when I do feel any symptom I manage to convince myself I'm making it up. I just don't know what to do with myself. I know a lot of people go for repeated HCGS & scans and stuff but I am trying to keep a lid on the crazy and not allow myself to get into that habit as I think it would be hard to break once I had that relief from 'checking'. It's hard enough for me to stop POAS! Can anyone help me from the edge of crazy town and find a way to approach this more logically? I know I sound like a complete nutcase, I'm only hoping that someone will be able to relate and tell me how they got through it.

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I'm almost 6 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child, after losing our last precious pregnancy. So far I have no real logical reason to worry, I've had no bleeding, spotting, increasingly dark tests (I've taken well more than is normal or socially acceptable to admit in public :redface:), no real cramping, have been having some early symptoms etc. From what we know, it all looks fine. But I just can't seem to relax and I am stressing myself to literal tears. After our last loss it took us 3 years to try again. I simply couldn't face it again so I convinced myself that we were happy with just the one and it was only when my desire for another child became embarrassingly obvious and impossible to ignore that I was able to open my heart and try again.
Now I have everything that I ever wanted but I seem unable to enjoy it because I am just so terrified! I check every single time I go to the bathroom. I'm still peeing on things and frantically comparing the lines. I'm having repeated dreams about miscarriage and bleeding. I'm freaking out at every niggle in my tummy, freaking out because I don't feel 'pregnant' enough yet and when I do feel any symptom I manage to convince myself I'm making it up. I just don't know what to do with myself. I know a lot of people go for repeated HCGS & scans and stuff but I am trying to keep a lid on the crazy and not allow myself to get into that habit as I think it would be hard to break once I had that relief from 'checking'. It's hard enough for me to stop POAS! Can anyone help me off the ledge and find a way to approach this more logically? I know I sound like a complete nutcase, I'm only hoping that someone will be able to relate and tell me how they got through it.

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hi sweety,

huge :hug:'s to you right now!!!! and congratulations on your BFP!!! we don't have any bubbas yet, but we did just go through our first pregnancy (and we did M/C) but we're already TTC again. i can see myself acting exactly like you are now, but you've just got to try and stay positive, stay relaxed, calm and enjoy being pregnant. i know it's hard, and i know you're driving yourself crazy.. but to be honest, no matter how much you worry about it all, what will be.. will be.

everything will work about just the way it's suppose too :)

i'm sorry i haven't really helped much, but i just wanted to let you know you're not alone :hug:, and you're definitely not a nutcase!!

if it does keep your mind at ease, go for as many blood tests as you want, who cares what others think.

i wish you all the best, and can't wait to hear updates on your pregnancy

:comfort:

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everything will work about just the way it's suppose too :) and in 9 months you'll have a beautiful bubba to show for it.

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Unless you are omniscient, it's best to refrain from these sorts of comments. It doesnt help and can feel insulting if things go wrong.

OP - all you can do is take it one day at a time. There is no rhyme or reason and no way to know if things are ok or not. I've been pessimistic and optimistic during pregnancy, all with the same awful result. I figure, if you're pregnant today, enjoy it as much as you can. Meltdowns are a normal part of pregnancy after loss. By all means cry and feel frightened. But then pick yourself up again and send positive feelings to bub. And enjoy being pregnant for one more day.

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Unless you are omniscient, it's best to refrain from these sorts of comments. It doesnt help and can feel insulting if things go wrong.

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removed it...

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hi sweety,

huge :hug:'s to you right now!!!! and congratulations on your BFP!!! we don't have any bubbas yet, but we did just go through our first pregnancy (and we did M/C) but we're already TTC again. i can see myself acting exactly like you are now, but you've just got to try and stay positive, stay relaxed, calm and enjoy being pregnant. i know it's hard, and i know you're driving yourself crazy.. but to be honest, no matter how much you worry about it all, what will be.. will be.

everything will work about just the way it's suppose too :) and in 9 months you'll have a beautiful bubba to show for it.

i'm sorry i haven't really helped much, but i just wanted to let you know you're not alone :hug:, and you're definitely not a nutcase!!

if it does keep your mind at ease, go for as many blood tests as you want, who cares what others think.

i wish you all the best, and can't wait to hear updates on your pregnancy

:comfort:

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Thank you for your kindness and for listening :hug:

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OP - all you can do is take it one day at a time. There is no rhyme or reason and no way to know if things are ok or not. I've been pessimistic and optimistic during pregnancy, all with the same awful result. I figure, if you're pregnant today, enjoy it as much as you can. Meltdowns are a normal part of pregnancy after loss. By all means cry and feel frightened. But then pick yourself up again and send positive feelings to bub. And enjoy being pregnant for one more day.

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You know what? That is one of the most logical things I've ever read & I think that's exactly what I will do. You are absolutely right of course, and I feel dreadfully foolish even having mentioned it when I know that there are people that have been through so much more than I could ever imagine. :redface:

But for now and every day that I am blessed with I am just going to love my bub, one day at a time, because that's all I can do. I think I have been afraid to do that because I feel like I don't want to get to complacent, don't want to get too attached but let's face it I already am or I wouldn't be having these thoughts in the first place. Thank you :heartbeat:

Sending hugs, i have been there, it is scary and honestly it is something that will come and go as time goes on. I coped by the promise i made to my son that i would be BRAVE! Anyone that goes on the journey to try again after loss is in my opinion the bravest people i know. Be proud that you are brave! Be okay with the fact that you aren't okay and when you do that i think it takes the pressure off a bit.
Take it one day at a time but also let yourself enjoy being pregnant. I went weeks feeling okay then would lose it, i would just let it all out instead of bottling it up...i felt much better afterwards!

Firstly congratulations!

((hugs)) I can totally relate and even though I am well into my pg now I still get a little scared that this one won't be earthside with me.

It is completely 'normal' to be feeling this way. I checked my knickers every time I went to the toilet & freaked with every little symptom or lack thereof. I don't think there is anything anyone can say to make you feel better until you have your baby in your arms.

I guess I coped by just telling myself to live in the moment, enjoy the now and if this baby is not meant to be then there is nothing in my power that can prevent it.

I do yoga too which helped keep my anxiety at bay for the most part.

Your feelings are totally normal, looking back I wish I could have relaxed more and been able to enjoy my last pregnancy but after a loss there is always that fear. Congratulations on your pregnancy :hug:.

Regards,
Dianne

Thanks to everyone who responded with kind words and support. After reading everything through I feel much calmer and at peace. I'm not sure why I couldn't get to that place within myself, I guess sometimes you just get all caught up in your own chaotic thoughts and it's hard to be reasonable. Thanks x

Self doubt, worry and fear througout your pregnancy are horrible things and people can't really understand what it's like until they have gone through it (or are going through it) themselves. I felt similar things through the various stages of my last pregnancy .... all I can offer you is a hug :hug: