Planned pregnancy at 19

12345

Hi there Kim!!

I fell pg about 1 month after my 20th birthday... so I was a pretty similar age to you!
I didn't plan my pregnancy at all, and had a HUGE battle with my partner who wanted me to have an abortion...
However I wanted my baby sooooo much, there was no way i would even contemplate doing what my partner wanted.
Now 1.5 years later we are still happily together with our darling Aidyn who is nearly 1 year old.

Anyway, GOOD ON YOU!! I think that is just awesome, if you and your fiance are both wanting to have a baby, then why on earth not!?!?
It's a pity that in this day and age you should have to feel alone with wanting to plan a pregnancy at 19, when in our mothers day it was considered totally normal and common!
My mum already had #1 by the time she was 19 and was pg with #2 as well!

Wishing you the best of luck with TTC Kim... :luck:

Hi Kim,

I was pregnant at 16 and still in school, which was very unplanned. I had been with my partner for about 2 years at the time and he wanted me to have an abortion but I wouldn't and he accepted that.

I went back to school the next year and completed year 12 (with my parents help babysitting). After school his dad and I split up and I raised him by myself for a few years but now his dad sees him every second weekend and I have a partner of 2 years who helps me out a lot.

I am now 22 and my son is 6 years old. He is a very clever, polite and well behaved child. Even though I was so young I think I've done a better job so far than some parents I see with children the same age as him.

Hope everything goes as well for you as it has for me.
:D Rebbecca.

Yeah hun, I hear ya,
We're in the same boat (me-20 DP-24) and we're so ready to start trying,
have had a little bit of a hold-up with DP only working casual, but once he's on full time we should be sweet :)
I don't know anyone my age who's looking at planning pg!... and not many older ones either! :D But it's what we want to do, so we will do it.
Have you guys started trying yet? We might end up being on the journey together... ;)
Either way feel free to drop me an email if you want to chat - katrinaleevagg @ hotmail . com (no spaces)
:)

12345

12345

I fell pg at 17 and 8mths and it was so not planned at all! I never found out i was pg until about 12 weeks. I had already left school a month before i fell pg so that wasnt a problem luckly!

Hopefully this is your month Kim! My fingers are crossed for you.

Hi Kimm,

I am in the same situation as you. I am also 19 and TTC. I don't have a problem with becoming pregnant at a younger age. DP and i have been together for 2 years or so now, and i couldn't imagin having a child with anyone else. We have not been trying seriously like taking temps or anything, just not using contraception.

What are your thoughts on TTC at 19.

Good Luck

12345

if it is planned, i dont think it is a matter of age, it is a matter of being in a suitable position to provide for a child. obviously there are those that have unplanned pregnancies at young ages, and they make do whith what they have, and make their situations work for them because they have to.

what i am trying to say is whether you are 19 or 29, and you have the luxury of being able to plan for it, if you are thinking about having a baby sensibly in terms of being able to put food in it's mouth, clothes on it's back, and a roof over it' s head, and can provide all these things, then go for it.

hey kimm,
my first was unplanned at 2 weeks before i turned 19, second one was planned and im only just turned 22

i dont know if u have msn but i added u to my list anyway, hope u dont mind, mine is anthonyluvslesley@hotmail.com

take care
Lesley

Hey Kimm

I know exactly how you feel! My DH & I met when I was 16 and he was 19. We bulit a house together when I was 18 and were married a year later. The pressure we have had on us not to procreate from certain family members has been huge! (Never mind what is is that we want!)

It has gotten to the point that when we TTC we won't be telling them to avoid the whole travel/career/you've got your all life ahead of you/pay some more money off of your mortgage/blah blah blah arguements!! After 4 and a half years of being together and making our own decisions you would think they would realise we are going to do things our way not theirs!!

Good luck with TTC. I wish you all the best! I am also around if you want to chat more!

I had to jump in with both feet here ...

My husband and I have decided to start trying for a baby. I'm 21, he's 22. Our parents are the complete opposites - mine are so excited at the prospect of a grandchild! My brother's gf is pregnant, due in a month, and my mum is so excited about that, she keeps asking when we'll have a playmate for him!
*grin*

DH's parents, however ... oh boy. His mother has been saying ever since we announced our engagement how we should wait at least 10 years for babies. A friend of mine has recently had a darling little girl, and every time I mention her, his mother leaps in with a comment about how they waited five years, and we'd be wise to wait longer, how we should think about our careers etc ... it bothers me a lot, but I usually just smile.

However, with certain medical histories in my family, plus problems that could make it very difficult to have children later, DH and I have decided to go for it now, to make the most of our youth, and start the family we both want.

I know what you mean about feeling alone - most of my friends are out clubbing or "being young" (their words, not mine!) while I am happy to sit at home playing scrabble with my husband on a saturday night. He and I are at a different mindset to our friends - we want to settle down with a house and a dog and a couple of little ones, and they want to go to raves. Different strokes for different folks.

But I get so much grief from my gfs - they keep "helpfully reminding" me that a baby will end my social life ... that having a baby will change my life forever, that I'll never get back these years and if I "waste" them by having babies, I'll regret it when I'm old.

I actually went off at girl I know last week - she was the one who made the comment about "wasting" my youth by having babies and regretting it when I was older. I look at my mum, who had her first child at 19, and these days is happy to sit with her grown children, hearing about what we do, spending time with us and our families, and soon, she will be playing with her grandchildren. She seems to be perfectly content, despite having children really early. I have two friends who have small children, and I know they wouldn't swap them for anything in the world.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say that now is the perfect time for me to have kids - my parents are young enough to enjoy being grandparents, we're young enough to really play with our kids, (and by that I mean no disrespect to older parents!) and I have a couple of friends that I could share this time with, while their children are young.

Goodness, this post went on a bit long!
I dare anyone to tell me that age should be a deterrant in having a baby. The only advantage I can see in being older is that people won't look down on you!

Good luck on your TTC journey - if both you and your fiance want a baby, then it's the right time for a baby! Don't let anyone meddle in what is essentially your decision.

Kimm,
Good for you, that is so good that you DF's mum is standing by you no matter what. We get the same lecture, but i agree it is totally natural to want to have a child, no matter what age, as long as both partners are ready.
Good on you, i don't feel like the only one now.

Good Luck

Go Marshmallow!!! =D> =D> =D> Thanks for the long post!!

I couldn't have said it better myself. My MIL is exactly the same!!! Just the other day I was telling her that we thought a family friend was pregnant and she goes "At least I know your not going to go and get pregnant!!" *disdainful tone* And worse she pretends to have nothing to do with our decisions yet everytime we see her some comment is always dropped!!

And we are so homebodies like you. We hate parties and crowded spaces, clubs etc!! We love spending time with our family and walking the dog and being at home together!

Different strokes for different folks!! Excellent (why can't other people understand that!?!?)

hey marshmellow :)
my mil is the same too, we were married in october last year and she was like "ohh your going to wait years and years blah blah blah..." kept going on about how ahrd they are etc.. to which we always replied we knew as I had had a child to my ex when i was 19 and it annoyed me to tears how she kept going on about how we shouldnt have kids early.. and i was like, ermm how bout joshua.. and she just replied "thats different" dont see how.. so anyway we didnt told her we were trying but she never took us seriously, still didnt when we told her we were pregnant she ahd to ring back to make sure we werent lying lol, now shes over the moon though and cant wait to be a proper grandma..

my dad wasnt too impressed when i told him i was pregnant again either but hes ok with it now, was worse when i was first pregnant said i was ruining my life :( i disagreed and said i was making my life better (my step mum in the background was calling me a liar and a s***) i guess they slowly got used to it though.

take care
Lesley

I found out I was pregnant with my wonderful son Isaac just after my 18th birthday. He was not exactly planned (I was on the pill and had been sick for a couple of weeks, sometimes these things happen) but I have never once regretted having him. My only piece of advice to the young mums to be is that you should not doubt yourself just because you are young. Because I was looked down on and made to feel foolish for what I was doing, I doubted everything I did, I never questioned the doctors or midwives or told them how I was feeling or anything, and that was a big mistake. Isaac is six and a half now, very sweet and smart and well adjusted, and I know thats because I am a good mum, and I am sure you all will be too.
Well, thats that off my chest, lol
Good luck to everyone TTC!!

12345

This site is great. Im so happy there are other girls who are around my age and wanting children. I always felt so out of place because no one else my age who i know wants children.

I just wanted to say from an older persons point of view - there is nothing wrong with being young and having a baby! Provided you are prepared emotionally to look after that little person, what is the big deal?
There are so many people who have done it, and gone on to do wonderful things with their lives, so please dont stress. Travelling, careers etc all come to people who want and deserve them, and a baby isn't going to hold you back if its what you want.
I guess why people "judge" younger couples is because in this world there is so much pressure to be financially secure and own a home! And it is tougher to do that on one income - but certainly not impossible. And parents always think they know best. Hell - I'm nearly 29 and my Mum is still worried about me being a mum! In a parents eyes - are we ever ready?

If you have thought these things through, adn you know you have the love and support within and around you to be a great parent, there is nothing holding you back. Best wishes to you TTC!!

Fi

Hi. I got married at 20, and said we would wait till 24/5 before having a baby. I fell pregnant on our honeymoon! We now have a beatiful 13 week old girl. We wouldn't change things if we could. We are soo happy that she came along and are absolutely loving every minute of it! I'm 21 now and we are trying for no2. My parents are supportive of that, my husbands parents are no longer a part of our lives. They still aren't supportive of no 1, so theres no way we'll tell them we are trying again.
I always though you should wait till you are financially stable, but i don't think we would ever have kids if we did that. By time we own our own home i'd be too old for kids. I think if both partners want kids and you have good support from family/friends, then go for it. Raising a child is the best job you can ever have!
Good Luck to all of you who are trying or already have kids!

Paris was planned at 20 so IKEWYM! Luckily for us my family or should I say DH's family were extremely supportive. But I don't socialise with HEAPS of friends I had back then, purely because they didn't understand and had a complete different lifestyle to me.

I contacted a gf I used to socialise with at school, and she told me flat out I was crazy. That I should have put my career first, and did I want to be one of those women who sat at home watching daytime television. Oh let me tell you I was thrilled to hear that. No we don't have a house, but we are definitely financially able to care for a child/children. Do I have a career? Yes. Motherhood. And I love it. And I'd personally like to know any mother who's child lets them watch daytime tv LOL! For me there are lots of reasons why I would like to have my children young. I like the fact that by the time I am in my early 40's I will pretty much be free to do other things whilst my kids are off exploring the world too. I want to be able to enjoy life with my children not before them. And should my kids want to have kids, I want to be able to run around with my grandkids not hobble around LOL! I look at my granny who's 69 she's a great granny, and could still run around after her great grand daughter, when most of her friends are only just getting grandchildren LOL!

Its a very personal choice, and I think if you think its right for you GO for it :) And goodluck with TTC.

*hugs*
Cailin

This is my first post at Belly Belly so a bit of an experiment - hope I get it right!

I was so excited when I saw the forum for younger couples - usually they have a forum for TTC over 35 - I think we are the minority!

I am 21 and my husband is 24. We are planning to start TTC in the next month or two, I haven't told anyone I know because I know everyone will try and convince us that we are doing the wrong thing. My family and my work colleagues will all think I am throwing away my life and career - I have recently graduated from uni and because I always did well at school and uni people think I should be hugely ambitious and chasing an amazing career but all I have ever wanted is just to be a mum. DH and I have been married for over a year and it has been hard enough to wait this long. We are both ready to have children and start our family but it was hard enough to convince my family that I was old enough to get married - let alone have a baby.

The thing is, I'm terrified of actually telling everyone that I'm pregnant (when I eventually am) because I know my mum will be disappointed - even though she would never say anything.

I think it is important that there are people out there who are still putting family before work and travel etc etc. Family is the most important thing there is and I tend to think it is pushed too much into the background these days. I am excited about being a mother - I am just disappointed that I can't share that excitement with the people in my life who are so important to me.

People say you have to be financially secure before you have a baby - I agree that you need to be able to provide for the baby - but you don't need to be rich - you just need the necessities. If you wait until you can afford to buy all the little luxuries in life for your children then you will wait forever.

And there is nothing better for baby than a young mother - healthier pregnancy and birth - more energy to run around after kids etc. etc.

Very long post for my first message! Just so excited to find people who are in the same position as myself!

Hi hannahfroodoo!

Firstly, welcome to bellybelly.

Secondly, I know what you mean about being affraid to tell people that you are pregnant when it happens. When I first thought I was pregnant with my now 3mo daughter, I was terrified to tell my mum. I was only 17 at the time. She actually took it the complete opposite of what I thought she would. She was extreamly supportive and still is to this day. The thing I found hardest to cpoe with was telling my friends. Only now do 2 of them talk to me. The rest just abandond me. It was like we had nothing in common anymore. They were focused on doing their HSC (as you would be) and going out getting drunk every weekend. And me, well I had a family to look after. Lily is my life and I believe I made the right decission. Even though it wasn;t a planned pregnancy, it certainly wasn't unwanted. DP and I are even thinking of having another baby in a year or two.

If you and DH are ready to start a family, then go ahead! As you said yourself, it is better to have them young, less problems, more energy etc. Don't let anyone stand in your way. You may get dirty looks, bad comments. But hey, that's their problem, not yours. Goodluck, and I hope that whatever happens, you will have the support you need. The girls on here are all very supoortive and sympathetic, some even empathetic. So if you ever need to get things out or just need to talk, someone here will always be willing to listen.

Welcome hannahfroodoo!!!

I was 22 when I had my first and guess what - it wasn't until having my babies that I discovered what I really wanted to do with my life and what I was truly passionate about! It opens you to so many new and exciting things - it's not an end - it's a beginning. At first I created this site, then a toy business to help support it financially and now I am starting my Birth Attendant course tomorrow! It's what I want to do and I have never been so excited in my life. I'm doing this all from home, with my gorgeous kids here with me.

It's so important to live life how you want to and to achieve what you want to acheive - unfortunately people are always going to try and have your life planned out for you. I didn't get some choice feedback when I was pregnant but I think they were just a little shocked - it was a surprise pregnancy! But now, they are the most soppy relatives you could ever wish for!

Do you think if you told them now you were trying, it might get them a bit more used to the idea and maybe when you find out you are pregnant, they will be happier for you? Or do you think they will try and make things harder for you? It's so hard. But they will come around at some stage.

All the very best and I hope to see you around! :)

I know my parent's and family's reaction will be very positive but I will always think they are privately shaking their heads and condemning my decisions! You probably experienced something similar when you were pregnant with your daughter. I suppose I am a bit paranoid!

I am glad I have stumbled across this site anyway! I am sure I will be spending a lot of time here over the coming months!

Hannah

Awwww.... try not to stress too much - you don't get paid for it and it can hamper conception ;) LOL. Whatever skills you have from uni all contribute to the bigger picture. I didn't go to uni but all my working experience all helps me run my business better. I'm sure what you've learnt will help you too. Even if not, you will love being a mum and when you are... nothing else will matter.

It's not worth worrying about what they 'might' be saying or doing behind your back - think of how wonderful it will be when you are a mum. After all, they might not be saying it. I tend to be paranoid at the best of times and end up imagining all sorts of crazy things that aren't happening!!!

For the family that do give you grief - will just have to learn that you are a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. You're an intelligent and beautiful woman, then surely you must be making the right choice anyway :)

Another older mother sticking my nose in here...

I just want to say that it is such an individual thing when a person or couple is ready to have children. When I was 21 I thought a baby would only stop me doing what I wanted to do. I wanted to travel and be selfish and really grow up because I was a very immature person.
A family friend is the same age as me (I am now 31) and has 4 children the first conceived at 16 and when I was around 24 I asked her didn't she wish she'd travelled overseas? She said she had never been interested, and children were her enjoyment and adventure. At the time I thought she was mad, but I saw that she was completely happy in her life.

Now at 31 I realise what she was talking about, having a child has completed me like nothing else in my life. I think for someone like myself with an itch to travel, I needed to go do that. But since I have had Felix I thought to myself that if I'd known earlier how incrediable it was I'd have gotten pregnant sooner. Also the impact on a 30 year old body is SO much more than when you are 19!

Here's something else for you, the lactation consultant at the hospital I was talking to was saying that teenage pregnanies are now almost non exisitant, and the average age for a woman giving birth is now 30.6 years. She said this is actually a negative, because after 27 women's fertility decreases. Our bodies aren't really designed to be giving birth at the age most women conceive.

I say if you feel ready, then you most likely are, and there are many, many things to learn when you do have that baby, that no matter what age you are, it all comes on a steep learning curve..

Best of luck to all those TTC!

Hi
I guess I too am old now LOL, at 30, but I had my first unplanned at 19. My paretns were very supportive, extended the house so that bubs and I had somewhere to live and Mum looked after her while I finished Uni, then bf now DH and I worked hard and managed to buy a house and both have jobs, and then decided we were in a "comfortable " position to have another child.

Now I have 4 and I love them more than anything. By the time we are in our 40's our kids will be going out and stuff too and we will get to travel etc. I look forward to it but I am not worried as I have heaps of time now to be with them. It is easier to look back on things than to look forward, and you may regret not having a baby but you won't regret having one.

My friends too were shaking their heads, and thinking I was such a fool, but they don't know what they are missing, and are only now deciding to have kids. I have fitted in the 4 kids I wanted by the time I was 30 and they prob will only get time for a couple if that. that's fine if that's what they wanted, but lots of people seem to be running out of time to have kids and it's a real shame.

Each to their own though. There are people who rerally don't want kids and they are better not to have them, if they feel that way.

Cheers Michelle

I can't agree more with what everyone has said in this forum!!

I have a critical error reading below my post *frown* so I am going to be rude and say to the person whom I can't remember that I too am terrified of telling people that I am pregnant. my mum will be thrilled as I have been talking to her about it for a long time and she has accepted it fully now. The others however...

I just think it would be terrible to announce your pregnancy and have your parents or IL's react in a negative way. That reaction will stay with you forever. Then I think maybe you should tell them when you TTC but then they will spend months trying to convince otherwise and it is added pressure should TTC end up being longer then you had hoped.

It is very messy really... I am beginning to stand on my own 2 feet slowly and I am realising that I am going to make mistakes whether I listen to everyone or make my own decisions. I think it is just a learning curve really.

The worst thing is I really want to have children NOW!!! I have to wait due to my new job till next year which sadly enough brings some form of relief in the fact that I don't have to hide TTC yet or announce a pregnancy that will be unwelcome (at first) with a lot of people. Don't get me wrong all involved will love their grandchild - it is just the initial 'Your only 21 (at least I will be then) you've got your whole life ahead you' crap that I will relieved not to hear yet!!!

I know I worry too much about what my family think - it is something that drives DH crazy! Starting a family early is a decision that we have made together and we are happy with it - it is just hard sometimes to stand up for myself against what my family say - I have always had a close relationship with my family and felt able to talk about anything - until now. But I suppose that is part of growing up and living your own life - you have to learn to make your own decisions.

I will eventually work it out with my family etc but in the mean time it is nice to know that I am not alone out there!

Hannah

Hi, just wanted to let you know that my son was a planned pregnancy when I was 18 and DH was 19. We had just got married and it felt so right to have a baby.
We got mixed reactions but ultimately it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. It is frustrating when people assume he was a "mistake" though.
I had my second baby at 22 and seven years later we are doing it again!!!
I have never looked back and wouldn't change a thing!
Follow your heart and everything will be fine.

layla_it's great to have support from people like yourself who had a family at an early age.

I am 25 and have been so confused as to my feelings of wanting to TTC and my family's pressure that I am to young.

To read posts like yours just reinforces that DH and I know what the right time is. mindless of age and that it will be OK
THanks

No problems, I think it's great to be a young mum if that's what you are ready for. Only you and your partner know when the time is right.
Good luck! :D

Hello Kimm...Im 19 and DH is 21....We had an unexpected pregnancy which only lasted 10 weeks...But 10 wonderful weeks and we LOVE our angel baby...but since having gone threw being pregnant and the M/C we are now TTC...You and I are in a VERY similar situation..if your would like to chat please email me at Brendateti@yahoo.com . I have instant messanger we should chat sometime!

Brenda

Hey, i fell pregnant at 18 and 4 months (completely not planned) but planned my second pregnancy, and fell pregnant just after i turned 20. I'm now 21, 2 kids, and on the way to divorce!!! Anyways, some people are just meant to be mums, and if it feels right for you and your DP, dont worry about anyone else. My dad was 19 and my mum 22 when i was conceived, now, 22 years and 6 kids later, they are still so much in love, and have achieved so much. If it feel right, its abviously meant to be!!!

I think that is great that you are going to start TTC!!

I am 22 in 5 days and DH is 23....we consider ourselves young, but its what we both want. As long as you are happy thats the main thing

Good luck tamara
i had always had an age limit of when i would start my family( even before i met Ben. df 24) of 22 either by getting married or having our first child.
When we set our wedding date of nov 12 05 i thought thats ok is a couple of months after my 23rd i could handle that. but all my wishing worked our little one is due 30th of aug and my 23rd is the 8th sept so if it comes on time i will still be 22.
i am so excited as you will be too when you get there to!!
so just keep doing what you want to do!!

Hi Girls,

I just wanted to say, I think that it doesn't matter what age you are when you start ttc, so long as it is right for you and DP then you should go for it. I got married when I was 20 and DH was 21. We started trying for a baby on our honey moon. My father was much the same (even though he and Mum were quite young when i came along) as alot of your parents, said i would be wrecking my life and that money and a career were more important than any baby. I disagreed with him but was still scared of his reactions. As it turned out it took us three and a half long years and two miscarriages before we brought our first set of twinnies into the world. i was bordering on 24 and I was STILL considered young by the midwives!!
One thing I have learnt in this journey, is that people will make their judgements, no matter what and you just have to learn to take on board the things that can help you along the way.
Like Kelly, it wasn't until the birth of the twins that i decided to become a midwife. I was halfway through nursing and I finished that, worked for a few years and then did my midwifery diploma. You can have everything that those people say that you will be sacrificing if you have children. We take the kids away witth us on Holidays and it's fun.They make our lives full. I can't imagine it being any other way.

If you feel you are ready then age shouldn't be an issue.

So long as you have the means to provide for a child then don't worry about anyone else.