Gender Disappointment?

While we know we will all love our children unconditionally, some mums and dads-to-be may feel a little disappointed in learning the gender of their child from ultrasound. While this may be a mild disappointment for some and not so common in first time parents, for others it can be very upsetting, especially when they have several children already, all of the same gender.

I'm sure we all agree that any child is a miracle and blessing! Despite this, have you ever felt any disappointment in learning the gender in your baby? Did you really hope for a baby of the opposite sex? This poll is totally anonymous, so please feel free to answer honestly, and you are welcome to comment if you so wish.

Some couples try for a very long time to conceive and either gender is a blessing for them - this topic is not intended to upset those couples. It is purely to see what feelings men and women really experience throughout conception and pregnancy. It is yet another controversial pregnancy topic which needs to be treated with sensitivity so please no attacking guys!

Well, I figure I may as well go first.
As most of you already know I have 3 boy's. When we fell pregnant this time we were happy either way. We really wanted a girl - probably due to the fact that we do have 3 boys, but we were happy to have another boy also. So many friends, family and even strangers were saying to us "I bet your really hoping ths one is a girl" or "It better be a girl this time" By the time that we found out at our 18 week scan we were so sure that we were having a boy, so over the boy/girl thing and we were fine with that - obviously a girl just wasn't for us and we had so many positives to having another boy.
When we found out that she was a she we couldn't contain our excitement and as some of the girls in second trimester know I have already been on a pink shopping spree. I have another scan on Wednesday to confirm our babies sex. Hopefully it stays the same. It sure will save me alot of time making returns to the stores :D
We feel blessed that we are able to have healthy pregnancies and babies and it can be really hard not to get caught up in the whole gender issue. At the end of the day babies be them boy's or girls are all delights and a blessing from above :D

Take care
Trish

ok...I'll be brave. We really thought/felt that we were having a boy all along. I really wanted a boy... really badly in fact. I was petrified of having a girl (perhaps knowing my teenage years...) All our friends assumed we would have a boy it just made sense with me....We even were given heaps of blue clothes/toys just because everyone thought deep down that we were having a boy.

So... at the scans we couldn't find out & I was devestated. I cried for days because I couldn't find out...

Then we had Matilda... our little girl. The anaesthesiologist asked what we wanted at the caesarian & we both said "a baby" and they handed us a GIRL! It took me a week to figure it out...lol...but it makes sense now in our family. Matilda truely is Daddy's girl, and it looks so right with him, I couldn't imagine him with a little boy at all now... We love her and she is amazing to us! No complaints!!

After taking so long to get pregnant we weren't fussed at all, as long as we could finally have our baby. All along I thought munchkin was a boy & so did everyone else except my dad (but I think he was just wishing!!).

When we actually found out we're having a boy, just over a week ago, I was totally thrilled. But for a minute, after the ultrasound had finished, I had the thoughts of "no dresses, no dolls & OMG I don't know anything about boys", but honestly it only lasted a minute or so & I remembered that I can always have more babies & as long as he's healthy that's all that matters.

Since then I have gone boy crazy!! I check out every little boy in the shops to see what they are wearing / playing with and I don't even bother looking at the pink and girly things anymore - straight to the blue section for me LOL!!

If only my MIL could be happy that munchkin is a boy ](*,)

It didn't matter at all with us with Kameron as long as the baby was healthy that was all i asked for. With Lachlan there was always going to be a hope of having a girl to get that perfect pidgeon pair, I think that is just natural, but when I found out I was having another boy I was happy as I didn't have to go out and buy a "girly" wardrobe ;) Andrew took having another boy harder but was over it in a couple of day. Now we have two beautiful boys who love each other to death (for now lol ;) )

Love :hbeat:

I didn't care eithor way with Jack, I just wanted a baby. I don't really care eithor way for next time eithor.

Interesting topic of conversation this one, considering We (Renae & I) had 19w ultrasound today. Over past mth or so we had a GUT feeling we were going to have a boy but both our hearts were set on a girl. Which we now know wasn't meant to be. Though I was dissapointed earlier today that dissapointment is wearing off and are really excited about having a little Nathaniel Jaymes which I know I will love unconditionally and know I already do.

The family all know except FIL who doesn't want to know. The familt are all super excited, especially my sister and BIL who have 4 nieces so far, so will be their first nephew.

So its funny I only found this thread today. ITS ALL GOOD :bdust:

All through my childhood and teenage years, I always thought that if I were to have a baby, I would really, really want it to be a girl. Maybe it is because I have four sisters and no brothers, and know nothing about little boys!
However when I was PG from the very beginning I felt like I was having a boy. I tried to think about what it would be like to have either sex, and which one I would prefer, but my mind kept coming back to 'boy' so by the time my 18w ultrasound came along, I was hoping I would be proven correct - which of course I was!
In the end it is definately fate, and we were soooo meant to have our little Aidyn, and its wonderful how much of a bond he has with his Daddy... probably more than if he had been a girl, but then again who knows!
Next time around I would like to have a girl, but at the same time will be happy with whatever we are blessed with, as our little boy is so sweet and gorgeous - how could we not want another one like him?!

It doesn't bother me boy or girl. I'm just happy to be having another one. :)

We are just thrilled to be having a healthy baby (from the scans) and we were happy either way, even though we hadn't been trying long. :)

When I was having Nicholas, we didn't mind what we were having. We were just hoping he was healthy. Which he was. :D

i really want a girl this time, with joshua i wasnt too fussed either way as he wasnt planned..
ill still be happy with a boy i think we may be having a boy this time, just have that "gut" feeling but am still hoping a little for a girl :)

I will take the poll tomorrow arvo, after I find out what we are having. But I do want a boy this time around, but we are not going to be disappointed if it's a girl, as long as s/he comes out healthy, we'll be happy!

Tanya

Well, we were so positive that I was having a girl that we didn't have a boys name picked. I had the girls name the day after I found out I was pregnant. When we got the scan done, and the lady said it was a boy, I guess we looked a little sh****ed because she asked if that's what we were hoping for. I said (quite honestly) that we were happy either way, we were just so sure it was a girl, and she said she was 99% sure it wasn't.

When we were leaving, DP asked me if maybe she had made a mistake, after all, it's only 99%, maybe this was the 1%, but I said they have to say that to cover themselves in this day of lawsuit crazy people.

More than happy to have our little man, even if it did take us three weeks to pick a name for him.

I just thought I'd have two girls then a boy. Guess now it'll be the other way round. But we're happy with any baby we get.

I would have voted- I wanted a boy and i had a boy.
I didnt see that option.. am i blind? :)

I knew the day i fell pregnant and i told DH that it was a boy!! I am stoked because i wanted a boy first!!

Well, this is an interesting topic. DH and I both really wanted a boy - the week before my 19 wk u/s was so stressful, I honestly didn't sleep the 2 nights before, I was so stressed. I kept telling myself how selfish I was, but I didn't know how DH or I would cope with the disappointment of a girl. When we went in, the u/s lady couldn't see for ages, then finally she found what she thought was a penis, and DH literally jumped out of his chair with joy. So she warned us that it wasn't 100%, so we will have to wait until the day to be sure. It's just such a taboo thing to admit that you really have a preference instead of saying 'I don't mind, so long as it's healthy', that I have always been too scared to admit any of this to anyone apart from DH!

With each of my boys I was just purely happy to have a healthy baby. I think it was more other people that were disappointed that I didn't have a girl. When I had my youngest I still remember the sound of the voice of the nurse who said "Oh..... it's a boy".
Even with this pregnancy I would be rich if I had a dollar for each time someone said "so I guess you're hoping for a girl this time".

When I was pg with Sean I knew he would be a boy, I could just feel it! We found out at an u/s at 32 weeks that he was a boy and we were thrilled as we had both wanted a boy for our first child.

With Kate I knew once again. I remember sorting through Sean's old clothes when I was 10 weeks pg with Kate and getting rid of anything that couldn't be used for a girl! I just knew it. We found out at 19 weeks that she was a she!

Now we are TTC a third I just desperately want a healthy baby regardless of the sex, but I have a feeling in my bones that we are meant to have another girl. Time will tell. :D

great topic!
When I found out I was pregnant my partner and I were both really hoping it was a girl, but I new in my heart I was having a boy, we also couldn't agree on any girls names but agreed on a boys name straight away. At my 13week ultrasound we had it confirmed we were definately having a boy.
I was a little dissapointed at first but we were both just happy to end up with a gorgeous healthy baby.
We are starting to try for another one so fingers crossed it's a girl, if not I don't think we will be dissapointed this time as we both love Christian so much.

Well we found out today it's a GIRL!! We were a little disappionted (Wato a big bit), but I am happy that she looked healthy, and see many upsides to Emily having a little sister.

Tanya

Congrat's Tanya on your little girl. Looks like I started of the girls.

Take care
Trish

I'd have a dozen daughters if I still had time on my side !

Before finding out what we were having, I'd picked out a boy and girls name that I both really liked (we didnt end up agreeing on her name until the day she was born) and when we found out we were having a girl, I almost felt a loss that it wasn't a boy, cos I'd half named him/it already.

I wanted to have a boy so Nick would have a little buddy to take to the tip and fishing.

But the bottom line is always the same, as long as they're healthy, it doesn't matter.

Barb.

I have always wanted a little girl and tried really hard to conceive at right time for her. I will never know if that method worked or not but when we found out she was a girl, I couldn't believe my luck.

But after reading about all the things that can go wrong in pregnancy when I was pregnant, the problems children can be born with and the couples that try so desperately hard to conceive without any luck, I remember on the day she was born only being elated that she was healthy and that was all that was important.

They are all pains in the butts anyway, no matter what sex they are! :smt016

I am so tired of people asking me if we would like a boy or a girl this time around, and then when I answer truthfully that we would like a girl they say 'Oh but don't get your hopes up' or 'all that matters is if the baby is healthy', as if it is somehow wrong to have a preference. Of course we don't mind if the baby is a boy, we just think it would be nice to have a girl. I mean, why ask the question??

Bon

With my first I wanted a girl and Arron wanted a boy. I had a feeling that I was having a girl and I was right. Arron forgot all about wanting a son when he held her and looked into her tiny face.

Preg with no.2 I wanted a boy and so did Arron. I really thought it was a boy and it was. Arron yelled in the delivery "It's got balls!" Lovely hey! We couldn't htink of a girls name before we had him. I cried a little when I put away the dresses but I was very happy to have one of each.

By no.3 I wanted a girl and Arron wanted a boy. I had a sister and wanted Jordan to as well, Arron had a brother and wanted Josh to. I knew it was a girl, and it was.

I always thought I'd have two of each sex, then I went to a psychic and a palmist who both told me I would have a boy as my 4th child. I feel it clouded my intuition. I really thought no. 4 was a boy, I had his name all ready, had trouble with a girls name, and was convinced. Then Jessica was born. I LOVE her with all my heart! I did want a boy, I feel sad that Josh didn't get his brother, I was looking forward to getting out the boys things again, but we have a gorgeous little girl who I wouldn't swap for all the boys in the world.

I still sort of wish I had a boy (but not that I don't want Jessica), Jemma and her are going to be so claose as there is only 19 months between them so it's probably best for the 2 of them. And I have 3 girls to take shopping, to do their hair, to argue with and 3 premenstral girls to look forward to! LOL I also have 1 son to look after me, who told me tonight that I am his best mother, and I love him just as much as I love the girls.

Cheers Michelle

awww at being his best mother michelle. Does he have more that he sees LMAO.

Love :hbeat:

Makes you wonder doesn't it Kathryn. He has told me before that he had another mother and another father once upon a time, and he was very young then, so the imagination hadn't kicked in. he used to tell me all sorts of things about when he was big before ( almost like a twilight zone episode). So maybe he did have another mother. Once he even said he used to be my father.

Reincarnation believers would say he is remembering past lives, kids are supposed to do it up until about 5 but strangely now he says less and less about "Being big before" He turned 5 in July just gone.

I wish I could have got some specifics then I may have been able to look into his stories.

Oh well if I am his best mother I am happy with that.

Cheers michelle

Hi Everyone,

This is, always has been and always will be, the biggest 'issue' associated with a couples second pregnancy.
For as long as I can remember a pregnant lady, who, say for instance, already had a boy, was always asked, "so is it a girl this time?" or "I bet you're hoping for a girl"
I just want to share a personal experience with you all, that for me has changed my 'pigeon pair' opinions.
Last year, one of my best friends lost her darling little girl in a tragic accident. I know at least one lady on this site knows this person too, and I'm in no way 'bagging' my friend.
My friend already had a little boy, so the birth of her little girl completed their 'perfect family' She would always tell me that I needed to have a boy next to be the perfect family too. As my fiance and I had already discussed the possibility that we could have another girl, and are both ok with that, it was like water off a ducks back. BUT I know her comments did have an effect on some women we know. I cant remember who said it, but having people say stuff like that really does make some people feel the 'Pigeon Pair Pressure'
Then tragedy struck and the perfect family was torn apart. I guess what I'm trying to say is, please dont feel that PPP!!!! Please dont feel like you have to have one of each to feel complete. I'm a firm believer in 'you get what you are given.' If you have two boys then those two boys are the two boys that YOU were chosen to have. And vice versa for two girls. Dr Phil did a big show on it once and my god that man makes sense.
I have a little girl already and it makes me soooo mad when people say that I NEED to have a boy next. I asked my fiance what he wanted next, a boy or a girl? He told me he wanted a baby, and that either way it would complete us as it will be our last.
The next time someone says this to me I'm going to say something. I cant stand people taking their families for granted. Maybe it takes losing a child for people to realise tha true preciousness of one.

Love Kel

Sorry if I come across as harsh but I just get very upset at peoples attitudes sometimes. I lost that little girl too so I know how quickly life can be taken from us and she may not have been my daughter but there isnt a day that goes by where I dont get all emotional over losing her.

I understand what you are saying as well Kel. But for some people I dont think it is a matter of taking their family they have for granted. Like for me and DH, sure we have said many times we would love this baby to be a boy, & we are still saying that, but I dont think that is wrong because it doesnt mean that we wont be ecstatic to be having a girl as well. I think with most couples it is just a thought rather than actually saying, no i dont want a girl or no i dont want a boy.

I do agree with you in that it is wrong of people to think that you have to have a boy and a girl to be complete, that is crazy, a family is a family no matter what dangly bits it has!

Oh, and sorry about your friend's child, it is always sad to hear of a child dying, just seems so unfair.

I think it's funny that if you do have the Pigeon pair, as we did, people then say "Well, you don't need to have anymore now, you have your girl and boy!" WHat the... I always wanted 4 kids and regardless of what sex, I was going to have 4 kids. Admittedly if I'd had 3 of 1 sex in a row, I think I would have been wanting the opposite, but to get one of each wasn't a completed family for us. I am so glasd that I get to experience a son and a daughter (well 3 to be exact), but if it wasn't to be then I would have been happy too.

A friend of mine had her pigeon pair and decidedthat she was finished, gave away all her stuff, and now 6 yrs on, looks back and realises that she would have liked another, but she was so caught up at the time with the perfect family that she pushed it aside and now she doesn't want that many yrs between kids so she isn't having any more.

I am also sorry for the loss of your friends DS, it is a tragic loss!
Cheers Michelle

Hi ladies,

i totally know where you are coming from when you all said that although you didnt care of the sex, you would have liked a particular one.
I understand that as it really is human nature. I just think its so silly that people let other peoples comments upset them. I'm a pretty strong person so comments on the perfect family really fall on my deaf ears. It just infuriates me when other people upset some women with all the pressure to have one of each. I almost feel like asking them if they had a boy after already having a boy, would they love him any less???? Of course they would'nt as thats human nature too but it would help prove my point!!! I have the perfect family already, a gorgeous, healthy 3y/o daughter and a spunky, loveable fiance who absolutely adores me, who I will marry in exactly 358 days!!!! Any more precious bundles of joy will only be an added bonus to me!!!!!!
Take care everyone
Love Kel

I have to admit guys, I was one who said I was looking forward to having two girls, but found out I was having a boy. I was down about it a little, but I gotta tell you, at the birth, that strong motherly instinct kicked in really quick, and I would have killed for this little gorgeous baby boy! I am sooooo glad I had a boy and I never imagined all the love I now have with both a boy and a girl. It was a wonderful surprise. Next time I don't care what sex the baby is - I would even be happy not to find out the sex because both genders are just as beautiful as the other :D

I hear ya Kelly!

I was happy to have either sex for my 4th but I guess I had always thiought I'd have 2 of each (boys n girls that is).

I felt it was a boy and we thought we saw boy bits and Jessica was a girl of course.

I love her just as much as I would have if she was a boy and although I felt a little bit disappointed at first, wouldn't have it ant other way. Now I have to girls within 18mths of each other to be terrific friends for their whole lives
Cheers Michelle

i know i posted before, but now i know were havign a girl im realy happy, and if for some reason they got it wrong (got a boys name too just incase ;) ) id still be pretty happy :)

take care
Lesley

I always wanted three little girls. Then I met DP, and he badly wanted a boy and made no attempt to hide this fact!!. It actually got to the point I had to tell him to back off a bit, as I was really starting to feel the pressure of providing a boy.
By the time I got PG I was so happy I did'nt care either way.
Mitchell was born last June and we were ALL so happy!! DP and I both have 1 girl each already. A couple of days after he was born I felt a great sense of relief to have one of each, I actually felt like I could rest!! I just know some fool (most likely BIL) would have made some stoopid comment about trying again for a boy.
Now PG again, I think I want a girl this time, but I'm too afraid to say it out loud. My daughter is now 12 and she has been such a pleasure (not a textbook child - which is probably what I love about her most !!) I would love to have that mum/daughter thing again. OOOhhh those tiny pink dresses!!!

I think its perfectly natural and completely OK to want a specific sex :) I would dearly love a boy next, but like everyone else I would be quite happy to have a girl for many reasons, btdt have plenty of girls clothes etc etc. For me its a personal thing, Marc is a fantastic father and I know he wasn't as lucky as a kid with his dad iykwim I know he would love to be able to break that cycle with a son and I would love to see that too iykwim. I would also like to experience the difference between boys and girls as nearly all of my friends who have both say there is a difference. Does that mean I will love my child any less if I end up having a baby girl NO WAY! I will be happy regardless, and who knows if I end up having a girl my chances of swaying Marc into baby #3 are higher ;) LOL! I don't feel any pressure to have a pigeon pair as at the end of the day you don't really get to choose LOL! So there won't be any dissapointment afterwards for us :) With Paris I really wanted a boy for the reasons I mentioned above, but when I saw I was having a girl I was ecstatic. So in all fairness I would be ecstatic if we had a boy, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be equally so if we have a girl. To be pregnant at all is a blessing in my mind!

*hugs*
Cailin

Thank you for posting this thread - I have just found out the sex of our baby and I hope that you all don't think of me as this huge ***** for what I am about to say. I dearly wanted a girl - infact desperately wanted a girl. I just couldn't see myself with a little boy - I am frightened of males I guess and constantly worried that I wouldn't be a good mother to a little boy....well - you guessed it - we are having a boy and he is beautiful, but when the sonogropher (sp?) told us it was a boy - I started crying! I couldn't help it, I desperately wanted a little girl first....anyway DH is thrilled that it is a boy and that he will have a son and I am thrilled now as well - it was just an inital shock. I am so pleased to have a heathly baby boy on the way - but it has taken me a while to get my head around it. I was just so focused on having a girl. Next time we will try for a girl -but if I am meant to have boys, then I am happy with that.

Please don't think that I am ungrateful - as I'm just thrilled to be pregnant, but if I had a choice, I would have chosen to have a female child first.

Thanks for listening.....

Megan

Aaaaw Megan, don't feel bad hon... I know of a few people that have had bad experiences with men to varying degrees and were nervous about having boys. I was... I couldn't see myself with boys around me... I too walked out the ultrasound room ready to cry... but something that helped me get past this was that my mum told me was that it doesn't mean your son will be like all the others. They way they turn out is based on your influence - they aren't born like anyone else - insensitive or nasty or pig-headed if you get my drift!

Elijah is an absolute delight - he has nothing but smiles for me and adores me to bits. Forever watching where I am walking around the room and no-one can settle him like I can. Once you see your son's love for you, I am sure you could post exactly what I am posting now ;) Because I have been where you are but now I couldn't imagine anything better :) And there is no way I could compare the love I have for the two - I'd kill for them both.

OMG stop it Jillian you are freaking me out! Jackson is going to stay a little boy forever!

I wouldn't give my two dirty boys back for the world and lets face it that is what washing machines and baths were made for.

I have said if #3 did ever happen (very highly unlikely) I'd probably hope for another boy, although I know I wouldn't knock back a girl either LOL, but my girl would definitely be out there with the boys playing cars, making mud pies etc just as I did as a kid

Love